


Kissing Strangers

by CanzieGumm, TwilaStar



Series: Going Down Swinging [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Determined Gon, Don't like, M/M, One Night Stand AU, Self-Indulgent, Short Chapters, Some domestic abuse, domestic abuse, dont read, excessively self-indulgent, its fairly light but its still there as a plot so just in case, mafia au part 1, stubborn killua
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-02-18 15:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 48,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13102986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanzieGumm/pseuds/CanzieGumm, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilaStar/pseuds/TwilaStar
Summary: "I got a boy that I kinda likeThis is a kiss-kiss, tongue him down kind of nightHe got that mmm, mmm, hard, got that China whiteHe got that bomb, I think I'mma call him dynamite"Killua has a night stand to remember, though he wish he could forget. This guy doesn't seem to be able to take a hint.One nite stand au





	1. Kissing Strangers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [softkilluas99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/softkilluas99/gifts).



> TwilaStar Author's Note: This is a gift for Kaz. I would have never wrote this story if it wasn't for him. It was technically suppose to stay a concept, but after telling him some of it, he demanded it be written. So it is EXTREMELY SELF INDULGENT with alot of plot holes, plot pushers, and ooc sometimes, because that's what progressed the story. So PLEASE if you don't like it, don't read! It's mostly just for him and me and my sister's sake, since it was so much fun to write.  
> If you'll read, please enjoy!  
> CanzieGumm Author's Note: I would just like to say thank you to SoftKillua for making us write it, it's been hella fun! I hope you guys like it too!! Enjoy
> 
> Updates every Thursday

Chapter 1

_ Open heart, open mind, Never know who you'll find, Open heart, close your eyes, Kissing strangers, oh! Na na na na na na na na, 'Til I find someone I love (Kissing Strangers- DNCE) _

“I love you.”

Killua froze in the middle of slinging his arms through the hole of his shirt while sitting on the edge of the hotel bed. He slowly turned with wide disbelieving eyes to look back at his latest fuck, who was only just getting up. When he sees those ambers orbs full of innocence and honesty, Killua snorts, rolling off his statement easily.

“No you don’t.” Killua scoffed. That caused the man’s eyebrows to furrow a fraction of a second but his smile, wide and affectionate from the afterglow of sex, remained on his face.

“Yes I do. I love you.” He repeated and Killua huffed, feeling his chest tighten in frustration. He should really start picking his one night stands more carefully.

“Listen. We just got through the process of what is literally called  _ making love _ , so yea, you’re gonna feel some…  _ things _ , but give it a few, you’ll shake it off and realize you  _ don’t love me. _ ” Killua drilled these words through his teeth, giving the guy a pointed look at the end of his sentence. The man frowned now and Killua let his features soften a bit, feeling like he finally got through this guy’s thick skull. However, soon after Killua finally got his head through the hole in his shirt, the man tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“But this felt different.” Killua set his jaw to keep it from dropping. Seriously? 

“Are you serious?” He decided to verbalize. “How did it feel  _ different? _ ” He asked. His one-time partner had that smile on his face again (and  _ God _ , Killua could strangle him) and he shrugged.

“I don’t know. This felt better… right.” He nodded. Killua’s eye twitched and he closed his eyes in a sigh.

“Oh my god… don’t tell me this was your first one-night-stand?” Killua asked, rubbing a hand against his forehead. The guy pouted, offended.

“No! I had, like, 6 others before!” He claimed. Killua gave him a look from the corner of his eye.

“And you’ve had it with guys?” He asked. The man’s amber eyes flicked to the right and Killua felt the triumphant surge in his body knowing he hit it right on the head.

“Well… no, you were my first time.” He admitted. Killua lit up and jumped on that chance.

“See!? It just felt different because it was your first time doing it with a guy! I’m sure, if you do it with other guys you’ll still feel that weird ‘difference.’ you felt with me.” Killua accentuate with his fingers like air quotations. “It’s not me specifically, and you don’t love me.” Killua’s eyes flicked across the floor in search of his pants that were ripped off the night before. That brought memories back; being lifted up by big warm arms that enveloped him like the sun rays before nimble fingers curled around his waistband and discarded the item like it was a minor nuisance. The memory of his first night ever bottoming brought goosebumps to his skin and a shiver down his spine, but he’ll ignore that. It was just the lingering feelings after all.

Killua got up and got his pants located by the dresser before he turned around to see Amber Eyes shaking his head like he was trying to figure out the world’s most confusing equation.

“No…” He mumbled, then turned back to Killua with determination and stubbornness in his eyes and said it louder. “No, I don’t like that idea. I feel like that would be wrong, I don’t want to do it with anybody else but you-!”

“Ai, ai, oi oi, woh!” Killua cried out, blushing red and waving his arms to stop him. “What the hell? Do you not know how one night stands work?” Killua placed his hands on his hips, watching the other man’s eyes follow the movement to his exposed crotch. Blushing further, he grabbed the shirt hanging off the dresser and threw it at the idiot’s face to cut off the view. As the man took the shirt off his face, Killua took that time to put on his pants.

“Of course I know how one night stands work!” Amber Eyes made out once his face was free from the cotton nuisance.

“Oh really? Cause it sure doesn’t seem like it.” Killua snapped, fully dressed at this point. The man opened his mouth, intending to respond, but then realized Killua was completely dressed and could leave at any moment. He got out of bed, hands up.

“W-wait, don’t leave-” He said as Killua quickly turned his head away from the man’s indecent body, a blush on his face.

“Ah, geez, you’re still naked-”

“I know one night stands aren’t supposed to have strings attached, but this was really different, I really feel…” His eyebrows furrowed in frustration as words failed him to convince the paler man in front of him of his feelings. Killua sighed, looking down and walking around the man. Killua’s eyebrows flicked up as he thought of something. He turned to the tanned man who was looking back at him with focus and attention.

“Ok, you say you love me? Make me breakfast.” Killua said, sitting on the edge of the bed and crossing his arms, shooting Gon a pointed look. Gon looked surprised, glancing around nervously.

“You- now?” He asked. Killua just gave a short nod with a knowing smile. But any doubt that seemed to have taken over the guy faded away with a determined smile.

“Ok! Just wait here!” He snatched up his jeans and barely wriggled them on before he ran out of the room. Killua groaned, frustrated, into his hands. What was with this guy? Why was he so determined to say he was in love? Why the heck couldn't he let it go? Killua got up, making sure everything that was his was near or on his person now, he wouldn't be sticking around for when the guy came back. As soon as he came back with whatever burnt nonsense he would make, Killua would throw it back in his face and run. 

Boy, he could really pick ‘em.

Killua sat back down and waited about 20 minutes and then the goofball came back in with a plate of eggs and toast, with fruit on the side. Killua’s eyes widened a fraction. He really… made him food. Like, real food that isn't burned, or bought. Killua raised his brows as Amber Eyes lowered the plate of food to his eye level.

“Here you go, breakfast!” He chirped. The smell wafted up and made Killua’s mouth water. Killua ignored the warm feeling in his chest and mustered up his best glare.

“See, you don’t love me.” He said simply, and stood up. He was determined to just run out as fast as he could but, the sound of Amber Eye’s exclamation stopped him.

“What, why, I made you breakfast! D-did you not…” He trailed, biting his lip. Killua sighed through his nose as he turned on his heel.

“If you really loved me, you would have asked what I wanted for breakfast. You should have gotten me something with chocolate.” Realization seemed to dawn on the other man’s face. “Now, I’m out of here.”

“Wait!” Killua could feel his stomach knot. He doesn’t want to stand here anymore, under his warm gaze. “Could I at least get your number? If I ever find out it wasn't just new, that I actually did fall in love with you,” Wow Killua was getting tired of that word. “I want to be able to contact you again.”

Killua pulled a face. “No! You can’t have my number, that’s not how this works.” He rolled his eyes and attempted his second escape. 

“W-wait, can’t I have anything?” He asked again, his hands coming together. Killua’s eyes flicked between the hands and his face, which looked as desperate as any love sick pup he’d known. His stomach turned again.

“I guess I could leave you my email. But you should know I don’t even check it.” He muttered quickly taking the notepad hotels usually leave by the TV and scratching down the email. He secretly hoped he wrote it so badly, the man would be unable to read it. Amber Eyes lit up once he received the paper and Killua felt he might die. “Bye.”

“Uh- what about your name!? Mine’s Gon.”

“I didn't ask, Gon.” He replied, seeming annoyed. Gon wrung his hands together as he smile kindly. Killua was gonna go home and throw up. Why was he being so nice?

“It’s alright. I’ll see you later.” and gave Killua another bright smile. Killua felt his face heat up.

“It’s Killua.” He didn't think it was possible, but Gon smiled even brighter. 

“I’ll see you later, Killua!”

Killua rushed out as fast as he could into the summer streets, determined not to look back. 

But he couldn't deny every time he thought of Gon’s eyes on his way back to the mansion, he felt warm in his chest. 

Like he would ever admit it.

****


	2. Breathe

Chapter 2

_ It's been a week since you hit my bed. Since then you started living in my head. Seven days and I’m nearly dead. (Breathe- Astrid S) _

Gon was sure he was in love with Killua.

Gon just wished he could prove it to him. 

Gon had felt something he never did before with Killua. When Gon kissed Killua’s reddening skin, or looked down at Killua’s crystal blue eyes, Gon could feel it in his chest, this deep longing, or belonging, like Gon already belonged to Killua. Like it was him Gon was meant to be with. It might have sounded weird or unbelievable, but it was Gon’s gut feeling and it hasn't lead him wrong yet.

But Killua did have a point-- Gon had only ever had sex with one guy. And it seemed the only way Killua would accept his affections were if Gon fully experienced everything else. As Mito would say, he was one stubborn guy, and out of everything Gon has ever been headstrong about, this definitely takes the cake.

***

Killua was proud of himself for not thinking about that bright, built man- Gon, his name was-- for the first week after he returned to his weak excuse of a home life. Not once did that man come to the forefront of his mind. And even when he remembered him during the morning of some other one night stand during the second week (he thought the arms around him were Gon’s),  he still didn’t let Gon overrun his thoughts.

And even on the third week when Killua remembered he gave Gon his email and Gon probably sent him a message by now and Killua was  _ really _ curious as to what Gon wrote him, if he gave up on him too like he was suppose to... he was proud to say he didn't check.

It was only as the third week was ending that Killua finally gave in to his curiosity and logged on to see what Gon might have wrote him weeks ago. Hopefully Gon gave up after he didn’t get a reply from Killua.

What he didn’t expect was sitting in front of his computer, jaw dropped, staring at his email inbox filled with one or two emails a day from a Gon Freecs. Dozens of emails accumulated from him, starting the afternoon after the morning of their one night stand.

Killua huffed, feeling his chest tighten in the familiar way it did the last time he was face to face with Gon, and prepared himself to read all these emails. He couldn’t help but feel a little touched at the fact Gon committedly wrote to him everyday. He clicked the earliest one to read.   


_ 5:13 pm _

_ Hey Killyuah! Decided to write in real quick to check in on you! And to make sure the email goes through haha. I just wanted to let you know I’m still thinking about you. I still think you’re the only one I want. But I want to take your advice, and try with other guys. We’ll see if I feel any different, but I doubt it. Have a good nite! :) _

_ Gon Freecs. _

_ \--- _

_ 7:34 am _

_ Morning Killyuah! I have work in a few, but I plan on finding some guy to sleep with. Maybe someone with blue eyes and light hair, so I can make sure I’m not just thinking about how you look. I hope you have a good day! _

_ \---- _

_ 2:11 am _

_ Hey Killyuah, I just finished a one night stand with a guy. It still wasnt like you. But I’ll keep trying! I’ll make sure you know I’ve tried everything! I love you, and I hope you have a good night. _

_ \---- _

_ 5:08 pm _

_ Hey Killuah, how do you spell ur name? Kilyoua? Killyuah? Killuah? I really like ur name but i dont think Im spelling it right ^^; _

_ I have a thing with a girl tonight, pretty sure she wont measure up to you. _

_ \----- _

_ 11:56 pm _

_ Hey Killuah, it ended pretty early tonight, still nothing like you. I still love you and I miss you alot. How was your day? Are you still going to other people too? _

And they went on like that. I slept with this guy, I went out with this girl, still nothing like you, I still love you, I love you, I love you. It made Killua’s head swim.

And honestly, after reading through all of it, he was a little annoyed Gon slept around so much. Was he trying to prove a point or be petty?

Killua clicked into the latest one and typed up a response before he even thought about it.

_ Its Killua, and seriously, can you stop telling me about all the sleeping around you’re doing? I thought you were trying to prove you love me and here you are sleeping with anything that crawls. _

He sent it with a slight huff and sat for a few moments, quietly reflecting on what he did.  _ Oh well, nothing I can do now... _ He moved to get up when he got another email. He froze mid stance, then blinked with wide eyes at the fast response. He sat back down then clicked it open.

_ Hey Killua you responded! How are you? I didn’t mean to make you jealous, I just wanted to make sure I tried it all like you said. I’ll stop if you want me to. _

Killua snorted quietly to himself. He shouldn't even respond, he should just go back to the silence he was giving him… 

He bit his lip and typed up another response.

***

Gon was super happy when he finally got a response from Killua. He was just settling down at his computer desk, about to email Killua again to ask how he was doing, when the email pinged and he saw Killua’s name. Gon didn’t think he had ever felt such a light chested feeling in his life, it was like he was free falling.

And he finally found out how to spell his name. He felt a little sheepish from misspelling Killua’s name in all the emails, but that didn’t matter because Killua replied and told him how to spell it correctly! It was really pretty, and the spelling was special just like him. He could practically read the email in his voice, it was so like him.

He wrote back a reply quickly, wanting to keep Killua’s beloved attention-- if he had it. He quickly typed up a response to send, then double checked it after to make sure it wasn’t filled with too many errors. He sat patiently hoping Killua would reply again. Just the thought sent a happy thrill down his spine. That the blue eyed angel was on the other side talking to him. 

Not a day went by during the past couple of weeks that Gon didn't think about him; his blue eyes, the shape of his nose, his white hair, his mischievous smile when he asked for another round, everything about him had Gon addicted. Gon honestly didn't know what had him so convinced of his feelings other than an all-encompassing feeling that he and Killua were meant to be, but just the thought that he might simply have a chance to keep talking to him was enough for Gon.

He almost choked on his happy cry when an email with Killua’s email address came in a few moments later. He was talking to him! Killua was talking with him, they were talking! Quickly clicking the email with steadier hands than he thought he would have right now, his eyes scanned the message happily.

***

_ Good | _

Killua’s face was a deep shade of red as he stared at his one worded draft as he struggled to write his response. Why was it so awkward and hard to write someone he shouldn’t even be trying to talk to in the first place? His fingers twitched as another thought to reply came and left, zipping through his mind. It was easier to be quick witted and articulate in person, whereas through messages, he could contemplate for hours on if his tone sounds right, if his message is coming across as he wants it, if there is a better way to phrase it.

He gripped his fists, now mad at Gon for making him do this. Not thinking about the weird skipping of his heart, Killua slammed on the keys to send his message.

_ Good, you better. I can’t believe you wrote me everyday. Who does that? Most people take a hint when there is no reply that the other isn’t interested. _

Gon bit his lip as he quickly typed up his response. Killua really didn't understand where he was coming from if he thought not getting a reply would deter him. He was serious about seeing this through, he didn't care how long he had to wait, at this point he knew it was true; all he wanted was Killua.

_ Of course I wrote you everyday! You’re the only one I want to talk to. I wanted to show how much I love you! So, how was your week? I hope it wasn't too busy or boring? _

Gon really wanted to keep the conversation going. He wasn't sure how long he could keep Killua engaged or if Killua was busy with anything. He wanted to know more about Killua’s life and his daily schedule. He hoped he could get that out of him.

_ That’s another thing. _ Killua wrote, face red.  _ You need to stop saying that. Until I personally make sure of the validity of that sentence, you’re just huffing hot air, so stop. _ It was really different, reading that from Gon in real time-- for Gon to admit that to him so easily. What an idiot.

_ Ok, I can hold off on saying that! I want to prove it to you anyway Killua! I’ll find any way I can to prove it to you. Are you free anytime soon? I could take you on a date! _

Gon sent it with an eager but nervous smile. Killua might really flat out reject him, but he might also agree! Then Gon could really show him a good time and get him to see how much Gon liked him.

Killua blinked at the message before his face became a deeper shade of red. How could he just ask so bluntly? Didn’t he know he would just say no? His fingers flew across the keys before he got up, grabbing his dark blue jacket off the back of his chair. He needed a drink.

Gon sat up straighter at the chime of a new message coming in and clicked eagerly into the message.

_ No, idiot! I’m not trying to see you again, I still think you don’t know how one night stands work. I am actually a very busy person, and would like it if you didn’t blow up my inbox with your little messages. Just write one and wait for me to respond, I’ll respond if I want. _

_ I’m leaving now. Bye. _

Gon pouted at the sudden goodbye, but it was somewhat to be expected. Gon can do that. He didn't have to email Killua every second of everyday. But Gon took this as a good sign, no matter what. Killua will be checking his mail more often and Gon will get more replies like this! He tried to hold down his smile as he replied.

_ Ok, bye Killua! I’ll leave you a message now. My week has been pretty crazy with my job and trying to balance my other activities, my friends had alot of stuff to do this week. What about you killua? Do you have a bunch of friends that keep you busy? Is that why you’re so busy? I can’t wait to hear from you again! <3 _

Gon sighed happily at the message he just double read now. Not too many typos. He hoped Killua replied, soon. Feeling a bit restless now, he got up, bouncing up on his feet a bit. Gon checked the time.

“I got some time before work… I’ll go for a jog.” He turned on his heels.


	3. FXXK IT

Chapter 3

_ I don’t wanna go too fast… cause nothing can ever last… I think I need some time, but I can’t get you off my mind… _ (FXXK IT- BIG BANG)

Killua would be lying if he didn’t say that after talking to Gon, he wasn’t more curious about this guy. Its true Gon did try to make him combust from mortification during the duration of their conversations, but he did feel… special. Killua blushed just admitting that, even if it was just in his head. It seemed like Gon would do anything Killua asked with just a snap of his fingers, but it wasn’t like the butlers around his mansion didn’t do that.

He doesn’t know, it was nice to be the center of attention of someone who didn’t  _ have _ to put Killua there. But Gon also didn’t know anything about him. Once he did find out… he doubted he would be singing the same tune.

But while he still curious, he couldn't keep from checking his email about a day later and felt called out by Gon’s message. Did he think Killua wasn’t actually busy? Well, he wasn’t, but who was Gon to call him out on that?

He replied about 30 seconds after he read it and as expected, Gon replied about 10 seconds later.

From that point on, Killua was half embarrassed to admit that he liked talking to Gon in a constant, if not sporadic, period of conversations about a variety of topics. Friends- which Killua says he does not have a lot of and Gon says he considers everyone his friend. Work- which Killua adamantly refused to even discuss and Gon tells him he works as a bartender. Interests, hobbies, and the like. And it seemed every couple of exchanges, Gon found a natural way to ask Killua out on a date again that, in turn, Killua would turn down as harshly yet softly as he could. This continued on for a couple weeks.

_ Hey Killua, I ended up with a few free movie tickets. I don’t know if you wanted to come? _

It was so stupid. Killua really needed Gon to understand that he wasn't actually in love with him, and soon. This was starting to feel like he was leading Gon on. He cracked his knuckles, and arched his fingers over the keyboard, the blue light of his computer monitor lighting up his face in a soft hazy light, a light gray hoodie over his white locks as he looked into the only light source in his room. The clock on his computer let him know it was nearing 1 am. How does he do this to himself sometimes?

_ You know what, Gon? I do want to go on a date with you. I might have free time next week. I dunno when exactly or anything. I’ll tell you, and you better be ready. I’ll tell you when and where. _

There, nice and bossy. Controlling and not pleasant at all. Let’s see how this disastrous first date discussions goes. He ignored his warm cheeks from just the thought of a first  _ actual _ date.

Killua quickly received a message back.

_ Sure! I’ll try to keep my schedual clear for when ur readdy! Just tell me when :) _

Killua blinked. How could anyone… be like this?! He bit his lip.

_ Fine. I’m going to bed. _ Killua delayed getting up from his computer desk to wait for the quick response he’d be getting from Gon soon. His heart skipped a bit knowing Gon was so willing and nice to him.

Killua felt a ping of guilt as the message came in as quick as his thoughts.

Maybe…

_ Have a good night Killua. Sweet dreams. _

He didn’t want Gon to get over him?

***


	4. Made to be Together

Chapter 4

_ I can't let you go, I won't let you leave, One thing that I know is baby, you were made for me for sure. My life is in your hands, I'm meant to be your man, We're made to be together _ (Trey Songz- Made to Be Together)

Gon was completely elated to have received the ok on a date. He wanted to make sure everything was perfect. He could barely sleep. The next day he woke up early and left Killua a quick message before carrying on through his day with a large grin on his face.

He kept his week cleared the whole time, he wanted to be prepared for whenever Killua said it was time for their date. Whether his friend Leorio was asking for a day out, or Kurapika asking for a quick study session, Gon had to turn them down with a heavy heart. Gon had no idea when Killua might call upon him, and wanted to be free at a moment’s notice. He had a lineup of other co-workers he could call to cover for him at the bar for when he needed it (since they all owed him favors) and continued waiting with bated breath. 

As the week came closer to an end, Gon could feel his heart falter. Killua hadn't messaged him back at all since earlier that week, and it seemed Killua would never get around to telling him when the date would be. Gon tried to keep his spirits up, since it was only Thursday, but Gon was already preparing himself for Killua to say something like ‘I was just kidding’. It wouldn't change how Gon felt about him, but it would definitely hurt. Gon won’t think about that now. He still had 2- no 3 days. He’ll wait.

\--

Killua purposely didn’t write anything to Gon the whole week since the day he told him he was going to bed. Killua wanted to stop giving Gon so much attention so that Gon felt like Killua didn't like him. Nothing says ‘not interested’ like leaving someone on read.

Killua was lazing about his family’s property, hanging out in a crook of a tree branch when he thought it’s been long enough and tomorrow would actually be the best day for the worst time for a date. That way, Gon wouldn’t be able to go, and Killua could make a big deal out of it and make Gon annoyed and finally ‘out of love’ with him. He hopped off the tree to make his way to his room.

_ Alright, I’m free tomorrow at 11, it’ll be at the coffee shop on the corner. Make sure to be there. _ He sent out, fully convinced no one should be free on a Friday morning, especially when people had work or plans with friends on a Friday. He prepared himself for rejection.

When Gon checked and saw the message, he could have jumped up and shouted for joy. Killua finally messaged back. He sat at his desk and typed out a quick message, unsure how busy Killua still might be. Since Killua was probably too busy to message him this week. He must've had so much trouble making time for him this week!

_ Alright I’ll be there!! I’ll see you tomorrow! _

Killua blinked with wide eyes at the reply he received. Seriously? How was he free? Didn’t he have a life?! He couldn’t help the excited thrill that ran through him at the fact He would be able to see Gon again, but that didn’t mean anything. His body was just being weird. Alright, if this date was really happening, he’ll be the worst date ever.

“Phew, its so hard to be a heartbreaker…” Killua sighed with a stressed face.

Gon set straight away to prepare for the date. He went to the store and thought of what to get Killua. Some blue flowers to match Killua’s eyes? He could still recall the beautiful shades of his eyes. Maybe something white to match his hair? Jewelry? Does Killua like jewelry? He should have asked! Gon got a mix of flowers of white, blue, and purple anyway. 

Ok what else? Gon scratched his head as he stood to one side of the market. He snapped his fingers at the memory; didn’t Killua say he liked chocolate? But what kind? Gon couldn’t think of it, so he bought any and all kinds of chocolate. Cheap, expensive, large or small, Killua could have his pick. Gon wanted to spoil him. Gon wanted nothing more than Killua’s large smile. But it was definitely alot of bags to take home. How would he give it to Killua? Ah, Gon would decide that later.

Next thing, Gon had to get together a nice dressy outfit. He has been called out on many occasion how unfashionable his fashion sense was, so he’ll go to Kurapika.

When he went to his friend of 9 years, Kurapika seemed surprised that not only was Gon finally going out, but it was out on a date.

“Yea, I got a date with the most beautiful, most perfect guy, and it’s actually why I wasn't able to hang out this week. He wasn’t sure when he’d be free, so I wanted to be free when he was.” Gon explained as Kurapika’s eyebrows hiked higher into his hair.

“Wow, a date… I don’t know the last time you went on one… and you seem really excited about it…” He hummed, a small smile growing at seeing Gon fuss through his wardrobe for something good to wear. Gon turned back to him with bright eyes and a large smile, it seems it would split his face in half.

“Yea, I swear Kurapika. I love him. He’s the only one I could imagine being with forever.” Gon said, a distant look on his face as he fingered the sleeve of one shirt. Kurapika’s eyebrows went even further up at that, if it was even possible.

“Gon-- love?” He gasped slightly. “How can you be so sure? How long have you known him?” He asked, crossing his arms. Gon set his jaw stubbornly. Kurapika could already tell he wouldn't like the answer.

“A few months. But I’ve known I’ve loved him since our first night together. He was like nothing I ever had.” Gon said, arms crossed defensively. Kurapika felt his jaw drop. He  _ more _ than didn’t like the answer, the answer was CRAZY!

“Gon, you can’t love someone after just one night!” Kurapika answered with an annoyed huff. Gon brows dipped angrily, and Kurapika could see he was keeping in a different kind of outburst. What exactly was Gon thinking?

“I- yes, I can Kurapika! When after just one night with him in my arms, and I can see our whole lives together, yea, I can! You’ll understand once you meet him. He’s my everything…” He muttered, his eyes falling down by the end. Kurapika let his features soften. Perhaps, for now, he shouldn't push his views on to Gon, (knowing  _ him _ and his stubbornness anyway) and just help. He has to get his heart broken (or joined, not to completely push out the possibility that they may be soulmates) on his own.

“Ok Gon… how do you want to look for your date?” He asked stepping closer, and Gon’s face immediately cleared up with a thankful smile.

“Thanks Kurapika... I want to look really nice, we're going to that cafe a couple streets away. Kinda like a morning brunch date!” He explained excitedly, moving clothes around to spread the selection. He was still super excited just knowing he was about to go on a date with Killua and see him again. He practically vibrated with excitement and Kurapika laughed softly at Gon’s behavior.

“Right, let’s see what we’re working with.” He said putting a hand to Gon’s shoulder, hopefully to calm him down from his excitement.

\---

When Gon got home that night, he felt fully prepared for tomorrow, and completely excited. He couldn't wait to see Killua again. He laid out his clothes so it doesn't wrinkle. He wasn't sure how to present the over 50 pieces of chocolate he had so he just put them in a trash bag and hoped Killua didn't just throw it back in his face.

Gon hopped onto his bed and let out a long happy sigh and swung his legs. It was somewhat tiring to think of how Killua may never actually come around, but he didn't mind, really. He would wait forever for Killua, he thinks. It didn't matter what it took, he’ll wait for him. He gripped his fists and gathered his devotion. Tomorrow will go fine.

\---


	5. Anyone Who Knows What Love Is

Chapter 5

_ You can blame me, Try to shame me, And still I'll care for you. You can run around, Even put me down, Still I'll be there for you ( _ Anyone who knows what love is- Seal)

The next day, Killua didn’t bother trying to wake up early enough. If he was late, then he was late. But he did wake up with 30 minutes to get there. He just put on his sweat pants and a hoodie so when Gon sees him, he knows this date didn’t mean much to him. Good and mean, and Gon will see he can’t possibly love someone like this. He didn’t even bother cleaning up or putting on makeup.

He strolled to the meeting building ready for Gon to just tell him off. He saw the cafe, and couldn’t help his sweaty palms, his nerves acting up now that the final act was in play. Purposely going to make a bad impression. But whatever, if this went well, this would be the last time he saw Gon.

He opened the door, the chiming bell announcing his entrance, and he scanned for the tan man he hadn’t seen in weeks. He spotted him sitting at a table by the window and once Gon had seen Killua, he began waving him over with a large grin.

Killua’s eyes widened at Gon’s appearance. He wore a soft gray button up rolled up to his elbows and a black vest left unbuttoned, and dark jeans. He looked… so…

Sexy.

Killua suddenly felt very underdressed. Gon certainly dressed to impress for the first date. Killua blushed as he pulled down on his hoodie, making his way over to Gon.

“G-Gon, you look…” He stuttered, gesturing helplessly at him. “Overdressed.” He decided. “Isn’t this too much?” Gon looked down at himself before looking back up and giving him a shy smile.

“Ah, you think so? I just wanted to make sure I made a good impression.” Gon said before looking over Killua a bit, a smile widening on his face and Killua blushed harder. “But I like how you’re dressed! I think you look cute.” Gon said. Killua’s blush deepened- if that was even possible- and lowered his head a bit, embarrassed. Gon made a slight noise before taking the flowers he had beside him and sticking it under Killua's nose. 

“For you! I wasn't sure what you liked, but the colors reminded me of your eyes..” He said. Killua sputtered, surprised at the sudden softness tickling at his nose. He blinked, hands hesitantly coming up to grab the bouquet, an emotion he refused to name rising up in his chest, making it harder to breathe.

“Yo- you… you can’t say those kind of things! That’s embarrassing!” He cried, raising the flowers above his head as though to bring it down and hit Gon. Gon braced himself a bit, but then Killua remembered what it was exactly in his hands and brought it back down gently, playing with the petals instead. Looking at the flowers made his throat feel too tight, so he lowered it out of sight, trying to ignore how warm his cheeks felt.

“How could you say I look cute when I barely did anything to dress up?” He grumbled, shrugging nonchalantly.

“I guess you just naturally look cute in anything.” Gon said with a cheeky smile. He gestured for him to sit. “Oh, I got you something else!” He said, pulling the black trash bag into sight. Gon winced slightly to himself; the bag looks even less desirable now that he was actually in the situation to give it to him. Killua grumbled as he sat, carefully keeping the flowers from being crumpled. His chest felt like a light was lit inside him every time he caught sight of it, so he generally tried to avoid looking at it.

“Another gift?” Killua asked, slightly exasperated. “I didn’t get you anything…” He rubbed his arm, starting to feel more like a prick now at this point.

“Its ok, I wanted to spoil you.” He admitted shamelessly, passing the bag to Killua. Killua’s eyebrows rose then cocked it at Gon’s direction, waiting for a little more pre-explanation. Gon chuckled a bit, his cheeks turning a shade of pink. “Its chocolate, I just didn't know how to bring all of it for you... “

“C-chocolate?!” Killua cried and pried open the trash bag. His eyes sparkled as he took in all the shape and size and brands of chocolate. “G-Gon…!” He cried, his voice laced in an array emotion. He shoved his hands into the bag, shifting things around, and gasped when he saw the chocorobots in there. He looked up at Gon with a gigawatt smile of a child. “Th-you-” His smile faltered.

“How much did this cost you?” Killua looked back in the bag and he did see a lot of expensive chocolates. Gon blinked before letting out a laugh as though Killua was pointing out that water was blue or something equally ridiculous.

“You don’t have to worry about the price! I really wanted to do this for you, since you said you liked chocolate.” He explained with an easy smile. Killua blinked. He hadn’t mentioned that at all in the emails, he only said that to Gon… back when they had their first one night stand!

“You… remembered that?” He asked, inwardly hating how shaky his voice sounded to himself. Gon smiled again and nodded.

“Of course! I messed up so bad the first time, how could I not remember it?” Gon said, rubbing his palms together a bit. Killua scoffed because Gon did  _ not _ mess up that morning, bringing him the nicest breakfast he wasn’t ever expecting. Before Killua could open his mouth to continue the conversation a cafe waitress came up, cute mini skirt outfit and all.

“Hey guys, good morning and welcome. Can I take your order?” She asked, perfectly pleasant and perky, as expected of someone working at a coffee place, her eyes flicking over from Gon to Killua and then back to linger over Gon. Killua felt the blood under his skin boil as his eyes hardened watching her shamelessly check out Gon. Gon turned to her and she perked up to attention but before Gon breath a word, Killua cut in as quick as a knife to get her out of here as fast as possible.

“I’ll have a chocolate frappe and he’ll take a hot coffee. Black. Bye.” He snapped. When her confused eyes reached Killua again, he punctuated his order with a flick of his head. Her eyebrows furrowed a bit before she went off writing down the order. Killua sighed.

“Er… sorry, I don’t even know if you drink black coffee…” He mumbled, hoping Gon didn’t want an explanation for his behavior and sheepishly looked over. Gon gave him a kind smile when he met his eyes.

“Its alright, I can always try something new.” He said, picking at his jacket a bit. “Uh, did you want a different waiter?” He asked, jerking his thumb in the direction the woman headed. Killua blushed a bit and shook his head, although he would have actually preferred it. He feels like if he said yes, it would confirm Gon’s suspicions of Killua being jealous. And he was not jealous.

“No, it's fine, she just… cut in the middle of our conversation.” He said coolly. “Er, so you had one night stands with other guys?” Killua asked. Gon nodded, somewhat serious. 

“Yea, I tried it with any guy I could. Whether it was with like, someone with white hair, or blue eyes, milky skin like yours. But none of them were… you.” He finished with a sigh, looking at Killua as if to beg him to believe him. Killua felt  _ that _ emotion rise up in him again, his breath getting caught in his throat. He looked away quickly, his eyes to the table as he played with the fringe on the edge of his worn hoodie.

“I can’t believe... I don’t understand how you could be convinced you like someone just because of some sex. How could you still like me after everything I put you through?” He asked, carefully turning his face up to look at Gon again.

Gon blinked as if confused. “What did you put me through?” He asked, shaking his head slowly, as if trying to recall something that simply wasn’t true. Killua squinted at him a bit.

“Are you seriously that dense?” He scoffed. The waitress came back with a skip in her step, the two boys’ beverages in her hands. Killua tried not to openly glare at her for Gon to perceive.

“Ok, I got a chocolate frappe and a black coffee. Can I get you guys anything to eat?” She asked, directing her gaze mostly toward the one with actual warm reception, giving a wink at the end. Gon looked from Killua hesitantly before smiling up at the waitress. He even smiled a bit wider when she winked.

“Yes, of course! I’ll take a strawberry parfait with that cute smile.” Gon said with a cheesy wink of his own. Killua couldn’t stop his jaw from dropping even if he wanted to as the waitress giggled.

“Alright! And you?” She asked turning to Killua. Killua slowly turned away from Gon and looked at her, slowly coming out of his shock.

“A-... lemon tart.” He was able to get out finally. She nodded with a happy smile and gave Gon one more wink before skipping off. Killua turned back to Gon with a cocked eyebrow and a disbelieving expression. Gon looked back at Killua with a small smile.

“What?”

“Are you… trying to make me jealous?” He scoffed. “Like, actively?” Gon blinked in surprise.

“I- what? No, of course not! Why would I try to make you jealous?” He asked, waving his hands in front of him. Killua sat up a bit straighter.

“I dunno! Revenge? How should I know? I thought you were trying to prove you liked me and here you are blatantly flirting in front of me.” He crossed his arms, hating how icky this jealousy thing was making him feel but he couldn’t help it now that he was this invested in Gon.

“No, Killua, I wasn't flirting! I was just being nice!” Gon explained, hoping to calm Killua through his explanation. Why would Killua think that was flirting? He wasn't even  _ trying _ then.

“Seriously? Gon?! That was a pick-up line if I’ve ever heard one. I’ll take that with your cute smile? Geez, I had second-hand cringe from that.” He bit out. “Who told you that wasn’t flirting?”

“Well, that wasn't- I did! Kinda. That's not how I was told flirting was like! And that wasn't a pick up line, I was just complimenting her smile.” Gon said.

“Really? Then what’s flirting to you?” Killua asked.

“Well, you have to show your charm! Get them gifts and compliment everything about them!” Gon said with a proud smile and a nod. “Like how I do for you!”

“That’s not flirting, that’s courting-! Whatever. The point is I’m jealous.” The word practically left a bitter taste on his tongue to confess. “If you really want to prove you like me, you’ll tell her off next time she comes. Because now she thinks you like her.” He said. Gon opened his mouth as if to say something then closed it with a worried expression. 

“Erm, I’ve never….how should I…” He gestured vaguely behind him to where she disappeared to. Killua sighed and let his head hang a bit.

“Ok.” He huffed, lifting his head up again. “Tell her you’re not interested and... To go away.” Killua nodded satisfied. Gon nodded slowly, his eyes searching the ground as he thought of what to say. When the waitress returned, Gon raised his head and set his lips into a thin line.

“I’m sorry, I..” He glanced quickly at Killua. “I’m not interested. So, go away.” He finished with a nod and blinked over at Killua (totally expecting praise). Both Killua and the waitress blinked at him then Killua shook his hands and head.

“No, no, you- go away for a second.” He pointed at the lady. She sneered a bit at him then turned away. Killua turned back to Gon.

“What was that? That was totally vague, she wouldn’t have known what you were talking about. You have to tell her she’s ugly and you never meant to flirt with her and make her think you were interested and then tea bag her.” He pointed his finger onto the table. Gon gaped at him.

“Wha- Killua I can’t do that! That’s mean!” He responded, shaking his head. Killua shrugged, crossing his arms smoothly and sitting back. 

“Gon, I have a hurting heart. Only you can fix it.” He said with his best sincere face, his eyes rounding out a bit in his acting. He didn’t really expect Gon to do all that but it seemed like asking for the extreme was the way to get the reaction he wanted.

Gon bit his lip, looked down then looked back up with a determined nod. “Ok Killua, I can do it!” He said. Killua nodded satisfied with that. The waitress came back a bit cautiously, looking at Killua with a bit of a side eye and put the sweets down that she had in her hand the first time.

“Alright, I got a lemon tart and a strawberry parfait for the cutie.” She winked. Gon put on his best disinterested face. “I'm sorry, I never meant to flirt with you, and..” He licked his lips in a flicker of movement, his eyes looking up a moment. “And I don't find you attractive, even though you are cute. I’m kinda on a date, I hope you understand.” He finished ducking his head a bit. Killua covered his mouth as the girl smiled.

“Ah, I understand… ok, well, enjoy your date, I’ll leave you alone and come back with a check.” She smiled softly. She turned and left while Killua squinted at Gon.

“Even though you are cute?” He asked in a disbelieving tone. “You were totally flirting!” Gon huffed a bit with a frown.

“I wasn't flirting, I was being nice! I told her I wasn't interested! It's not nice to call people ugly.” Gon said crossing his arms.

“Even though- you didn’t have to call her cute! Gon, when you compliment people’s good traits to make them feel nice and make them feel attracted, you’re flirting.” He nodded, already starting on his dessert. Gon sighed a bit pulling his parfait closer.

“I’m sorry! I’m just not used to… doing that. That's how I usually talk to people at the bar.” He muttered pulling at the spoon.

“The bar-? Gon, you-...” Killua sighed, rubbing at his nose. What was this? What was this  _ really _ ? “I’m sorry, but if you talk to every girl like that, then how am I supposed to think? I don’t think you really like me if you also treat others like you like them… Geez!” He laughed a bit, “there must be a ton of other girls who think you like them just because that’s the way you talk… ah, this is really crazy.” He hummed at the end.

“No- Killua, I meant-” Gon paused first, hoping that  _ thinking _ before speaking would help better with the damage control. He thinks he’s flirting with a bunch of girls at the bar? Ok. “I work at the bar near here. I just meant that, when they’re ordering things, they tend to order more or stay longer when you say nice things to them. And my aunt Mito taught me to never say anything mean, that's all, I’m not flirting with anyone, honest.” He said, folding his hands together in a silent plea.

Killua squinted at Gon. “That barely makes me feel better. Just because you say it’s not flirting doesn’t mean you weren’t flirting. Just-” He sat up a bit, leaning in towards Gon. “When you’re at the bar… I get it, saying nice things gets you more tips. Fine. But if it’s unnecessary fluff, don’t say it and I won’t get jealous, yea? Just like how you stopped sleeping with all those other guys for me.” Gon nodded adamantly.

“Ok, I won't, I’m sorry, Killua.” He said, sliding his hands into Killua’s. Killua eyed the movement but didn’t move away. He felt his cheeks flush and it felt like butterflies were released in his stomach. He forgot what it was like to feel Gon’s warmth which really can’t be captured through emails, and now its different than the first time, because he knows him better.

“You don’t have to be sorry, stupid…” he grumbled, sitting back but keeping his arm outstretched to keep his hand in Gon’s. 

Gon beamed widely at him, seeing him keep his hands in his. He was hoping he wouldn't pull away and he didn't. And he also got jealous when he thought Gon was looking at other people. Killua was happy when he said he wouldn't anymore. Gon could barely contain his smile. Maybe Killua did like him more now! He took it as the ok to try and talk more openly with him.

They talked for almost an hour about anything, Killua admitting he doesn’t do much but ‘help around the house’ (and refused to elaborate on that), and they talked about stuff Gon did in his week. The woman came back with the check but neither was really ready to part after not seeing each other for weeks. They only gave each other a glance before they agreed without words to just walk around for a bit in each other’s company.

Killua got around to asking Gon how in the world was he free in such short notice, and when Gon explained how he basically shunned his friends and life to keep his schedule free, Killua never laughed so hard in his life. Gon was just happy to hear his chiming laugher, committing the sound to memory in case he won’t see him again for a while. He was so happy they could spend so long together, and he felt like he could fly when he would slip his hand into Killua’s and he didn’t pull away. He was sure he was in love with this angel…

“I can’t believe your friend- Oreo?” Killua laughed.

“Leorio…” Gon corrected softly, regarding Killua with a light in his eyes and a loving smile.

“Right, Leorio, kept dogging you to hang out and actually whined like a child when you wouldn’t for no other reason then ‘I might be busy’?” He laughed.

“I had to! I really wanted to be free for you…” He said softly. Gon relished in the soft blush that came from that comment and watched his mouth open to form words, when a buzz in the back of Killua’s pocket cut him off. Killua twisted slightly to reach for it and pulled the screen to view. When Killua’s face fell into a grimace, Gon felt his chest squeeze. He could somewhat guess what he was seeing.

“I have to go home now…” He said, confirming what Gon guessed. Gon pouted, squeezing the hand in his hold, a vicious feeling zipping through his chest briefly, a possessiveness wanting to keep Killua here with him.

“Do you have to really? It hasn’t even been 2 hours!” Gon cried.

“It’s actually been… almost 4 Gon.” He chuckled, putting his phone back. Gon’s pout deepened and Killua chuckled, poking his lip that was jutting out. “I actually wasn’t even planning on staying out this late to begin with. Of course I have to go home if they weren’t expecting me to be out this long.” Killua nodded. Gon squeezed his hand again and then started swinging their arm a bit before swinging the hand up to place a kiss on Killua’s knuckles. Killua’s face lit up red, and Gon smiled over his knuckles at the sight.

“Ok, fine… but… can I get your phone number this time?” He really wanted an easier and faster way to talk to his white haired beauty. Killua bit his lip and Gon’s heart sped up a bit knowing Killua was at least thinking about it.

“Don’t call me.” He said first, and Gon lit up, a smile cracking over his features. “Only texts, and don’t blow up my phone.” He said, reaching back for his phone again, Gon already nodding to agree with whatever Killua was saying- he was going to get his number! He let go of Killua’s hand only to get his phone too.

“Right, right! And- and- I should wait til you reply first, right?”

“Yea, yea, allathat.” Killua hummed, switching phones with Gon to input their numbers. When they were passed back, Killua snorted a laugh to see the winky face emoji Gon put by his name in his contacts.

“Gon, seriously?” He laughed.

“I want you to know I’m winking at you every time we text!” He justified.

“Whatever, I gotta go, I’ll text you later!” Killua said, walking backwards a bit.

“A-ah, ok!” He cried. He stopped himself from chasing after him to try and kiss him. He wasn’t at that point yet. “I’ll see you… Killua…” He sighed out happily. 

Killua threw a hand up and turned around. 

And Killua will ignore how fast his heart is beating.

***


	6. 1 nite

Chapter 6

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ We had a connection, oh-woah, But I’m not the type of girl who wants Serious affection, oh-woah ,It doesn’t belong in my world. It was only one night But I wanna go back to where we were _ (1 nite- Musa Mura)

The next few weeks were a whirlwind that Gon barely remembered. Well, he remembered alot of texting Killua; whether it was pictures, images that reminded him of his favorite white haired man, or a quick greeting. What he didn't remember is if he had eaten, went to work in the morning, or had seen any of his friends in days. 

Maybe Gon was obsessed. There was no saying why he was even this invested in Killua, but he was and he wouldn't have it any other way. At this point he  _ can’t _ have it any other way; he loves him. He’s in love with Killua and he can already see the two of them together, forever. There’s nothing else to chase, so Gon will chase him. Even if it goes nowhere, even if they just stay friends, Gon’s suppose to be with Killua.

Now he just wished Killua would text back.

\---

Killua tried not to be swept into Gon’s charismatic charm, but every time his phone buzzed with a new text from Gon, he couldn’t help but to look almost immediately. He couldn't help the crack of a smile at the stupid, sweet, naïve comments Gon sent with the pictures. He had to stop himself multiple times (with effort) from sending replies back, he still didn’t want to give Gon the wrong idea. But it was hard when Gon set himself up to be teased so easily with some of the things he said, or Killua thought of a really clever comment that would probably make Gon do that beautiful laugh.

So who could really blame him when he finally did send a reply to Gon after weeks of weathered down self restraint?

Gon received a text from Killua one late afternoon. It was a picture of a multicolored layered margarita drink, the background suggesting he was at a low lit bar, probably to pick up some other one night stand. No comment, but the picture meant he was on the other side to send it.

\------

That sealed the deal. The two men were texting each other back and forth, Killua finding no point in pretending he wasn’t interested in texting the sunny male.

But talking to Gon just reminded Killua of that night… and how he hasn’t had anyone better yet ever since that night. And it didn’t help that Gon sent subtle flirts in the texts every so often. Killua soon found himself wanting Gon again.

_ When are you free this week? _

_ I should be free friday! Why? _

_ I may be around that day… Whats your address? _

For a moment, Gon stared at the text. Killua was... coming over? The giddy smile that broke over Gon’s face was noticed only after he typed his reply. 

He jumped out of his chair. He suddenly felt restless, he wanted to move. He had until Friday, but that didn’t change the fact. He grabbed his keys. He may as well go shopping, get some necessities. Gon didn’t notice the next text until later, but it just said ‘thanks’.

Killua found himself feeling a bit restless too, but in different ways. He would daze out more often at home, his eldest brother getting annoyed when he demanded his attention. Less time out in the bars and just at home texting Gon. Killua was starting to think he was giving himself the wrong idea and hoped this one more night could get Gon out of his system.

That’s how it works, right?

Friday came, probably not soon enough for either of them, and Gon was so excited. He texted to ask Killua what time he would be coming, but he didn’t answer. Gon supposed Killua was too busy. So he just prepared the date up around 3 that afternoon. He put out his best wine, chilled on ice, a couple of sandwiches, and of course, a small platter filled with individually wrapped chocolate. He sat, his phone in front of him in case Killua contacted him, and waited.

\------


	7. Feels

Chapter 7

_ To memorize the way you shock me, The way you move it here (Hey) Just wanna feel it from you (Hey) _ (Feels- Calvin Harris)

Gon threw another chocolate up in the air then caught it in his mouth, just before it hit his nose. He stifled a yawn and rubbed at his eyes. He sat up and checked the time.

10:52

Maybe Killua wasn’t coming today? Maybe he was just teasing him again… Gon pouted, fighting that aching in his chest again. But Killua did say, he  _ might _ be around today. He probably got caught up in something he needed to do.

Well, now Gon was tired from sitting around all day and he had an early shift tomorrow. He stood and stretched, arms over his head.

“I should at least text Killua before I go to bed…” He hummed, scratching at his stomach. He glanced at the phone before snatching it up. He texted out a message but before he could send it, the doorbell rang twice and there were a couple rapid knocks at the door. Gon’s eyebrow cocked. And he would have gone ahead and sent the message, but it might’ve been Killua at the door. He clicked his screen closed and headed over to the door and swung it open. His face brightened at the sight of his visitor.

“Killua!”

His eyes darkened a bit with want once he saw what he was wearing.

“Killua…” He repeated a bit astonished. 

“Yo.” He hummed with that beautiful cheshire grin. He wore a black see through shirt draping on his body like it was begging to be taken off, and tight skinny jeans that left little to the imagination. It was obvious what Killua wanted by the end of tonight.

“I-uh, come in…” He said, tripping over his on tongue, and stepped out the way to let Killua in. His eyes trailed over Killua's figure as he walked in.

“Thanks. Sorry, I saw your text on the way over here, but I didn’t have my phone on me all day…” He hummed, rubbing his hands together. He trailed off as he saw the objects on the table. He turned back to Gon with a raised eyebrow.

“Gon? What's this?” He asked. Gon smiled, eager to pamper Killua for the night.

“I got us some things to eat, and chocolate, of course.” He said brightly as he went over to the table. “Just something for the date.” He finished. Killua let out a scoffing laugh before he walked up and picked up a chocolate between two slim fingers.

“Date?” Killua hummed, sitting down on the couch and unwrapping the chocolate to eat. “I didn’t come here for a date… Gon…” He let his voice drop seductively as he stared at Gon and rolled the chocolate into his mouth sensually. Gon’s cheeks reddened a bit and let out a somewhat nervous laugh.

“I, um…” He grinned at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck. “You wanted to...go to my room?” He asked, looking up and pointing to a door nearby. Killua’s eyes flicked to where Gon indicated, his excitement showing in his eyes. He stood and made his advancement towards Gon, his eyes darkening dangerously and brought his hand up to Gon’s chest, pushing him back towards the room.

“Fine, but this time…” His smirk widened. “I’m topping.”

Gon was easily led, his eyes darkening with want, feeling Killua’s hands on his chest, feeling Killua at  _ all _ in this way again… Gon was ready to go.

But Killua would have to put up a fight if he wanted top.

\---


	8. Something

Chapter 8

_ And though it's just a line to you, for me it's true and never seemed so right before. I practice every day to find some clever lines to say to make the meaning come through.   _ (Something Stupid- Frank Sinatra)

\----

Gon blinked blearily as sunlight streamed into the room and into his eyes. He stretched his arms over his head and he winced at the sharp pain in his lower back. But he couldn’t help but smile when he remembered what that meant. The memory of Killua over him sent a small shiver through him.

_ Killua _ …

Gon turned his head left, and then right, trying to locate him. All he saw was an empty bed. He scrambled to sit up, ignoring the pain in his back. He blinked the sleep away, trying to see something, anything that proved Killua was here. He let out a sigh, seeing Killua’s clothes strewn about the room. A shifting sound brought Gon’s attention to the adjacent bathroom ahead of his bed and he blinked as Killua came out, a beautiful sight, in Gon’s clothes.

Killua was wearing a green and orange plaid shirt hanging off his shoulders, and Gon’s boxers, swiping his stark white hair away from his forehead, slightly moist with water. He blinked when he saw Gon was up and smiled a bit. “Hey, sleepy head. I hope you don’t mind, I used your shower.”

Gon smiled back, hesitantly, like he still wasn't sure Killua wasn't there. “I don’t mind… uh, good morning.” He said, shaking his head. “You um, what… time is it?” Gon said with rising alarm. What the heck? Why didn't his alarm wake him?

“Oh it’s like, 9. I would have slept in like you, but your phone’s alarm woke me and I couldn’t get back to sleep.” Killua huffed moving over to the bed and Gon. He smiled as he crawled over to Gon. “Last night was really good… I didn’t appreciate you taking over halfway through, though…” He smirked. The look in his eyes showed he wasn’t totally upset Gon had a turn on top.

“I, you were really… ah, 9? Killua, I have to go!” Gon blinked, getting up with some urgency, going past Killua. Gon felt somewhat disoriented. If it was even possible, he felt like someone streamlined too much information at him at once. Killua looked so  _ good _ , he couldn't deny he wanted to just…. Not to mention he was still  _ here _ , but it was already 9 and he slept past his alarm, he was going to be late for work! Never in his whole life was he more tempted to skip work, but he really needed this shift for rent. 

Killua’s eyebrows drew together as he watched Gon go about his small room before settling down on the bed, disinterested.

“Tsk, where do you have to go so urgently?” Killua asked, his hand supporting his head while leaning his elbow on his knee.

“Work, I have work in like 30 minutes, I’m gonna be late…” He half whined, pulling out the clothes he thankfully pulled out yesterday and skipped into the bathroom, door open.

“Work?” Killua inquired, feeling a bit irked. Why does Gon have work? Killua doesn’t go to work, why does Gon have to? He huffed as he looked about the apartment. Well, he guessed Gon isn’t living with anyone else, so it's not like anyone else can pay the bills for him… but doesn’t he have parents who would send the money for him? This was stupid. Gon was probably just trying to get him out the apartment faster. Well, Gon finally figured out how one night stands work… why did his chest hurt, then?

“Fine, then I’ll just go…” Killua huffed, scooting off the bed and looking for his clothes. Why did he feel so stupid?

“Do you have to? Well... I guess so. If you want to sleep in some more, you can!” Gon said, his voice echoing from the bathroom, over the sound of running water. Gon kind of wanted Killua in his room more, to lay in his sheets longer, even if he wasn’t there. 

Killua blinked. What?

“What?” Killua voiced instead. He was paused in picking up his shirt and pants.

“You can stay in bed, if you want… or eat here… walk around, look at my things. I don’t mind!” Gon said. He must’ve sounded like a crazy person, but he really… couldn’t get the thought of Killua walking around his home like he  _ belonged there _ out of his head. 

“You… idiot.” Killua chuckled. “You mean while you’re not here? Idiot, what if I wanted to steal something? What if you came back and I just cleared everything out of here?” Killua asked, wondering if Gon could see the error in his offer. Killua looked around. Not like there was anything super expensive or sellable, most was rustic, but Gon can’t trust him that much, can he?

“Steal?” He muttered quietly, wiping his face. That’s silly… “If you want to steal from me Killua, I don't mind! What’s mine is yours.” He said, coming out the bathroom.

“What?” Killua gaped at the idiot. “Are you serio- Gon! Do you hear what you’re saying? You’re giving me everything that was ever yours if I want it?” He clarified. Gon blinked as he threw his shirt over his head. Did it sound really that bad?

“Well, yea, even if I did get robbed by you, it would have been you!” He said, sticking his legs in his boxers.

“Gon, you…” Killua rubbed at his head, feeling a blush coming on. “That doesn’t even make any sense! Because it was me, it would have been ok that you were robbed?”

“Yea, cause at least I knew you wanted something of mine.” He answered as he got his jeans on and buckled his belt. Killua blinked as he felt the heat reach his ears.

“Geez, so weird…” He mumbled. He thought about it a moment then put the clothes in his hands back down. He scooted back into the bed. “Why do you have work anyways?” Killua hummed pulling the sheets over his legs.

“Why? So I can pay for food! And my apartment. If I don't take this shift I won't have enough for rent,” Gon grinned sheepishly, searching for his phone.

“Don’t you have parents that pay that stuff for you…?” He asked. Noticing Gon’s scanning eyes, he reached under the pillow he slept on last night and handed over Gon’s phone. Gon sighed thankfully, pushing it into one of his pockets. He went to the dresser and picked up his keys.

“No, I moved away when I was 12! I still talk to my aunt but she doesn't have money to send me. So, you can stay in here as long as you like, my spare key is under the mat, could you lock up  before you leave?” He asked, facing Killua again. Killua blinked, unbelieving. Was he serious? How could he trust him? He was suppose to be a quick fuck and Killua’s barely been attentive to him. Why would he put this much trust on him already?

“I… yea…”

“Thanks, I’ll text you later!” Gon called over his shoulder and the apartment door sounded shut with a loud bang.

\----


	9. Cannonball

Chapter 9

**_When I try to fall from your candlelight, I get lost in your "Maybe, maybe" I'm just falling. When I try to hide from your love I can't deny it Oh, baby, maybe It's just my calling-_ Cannonball Kiesza **

When Gon left, Killua got over his shock soon enough to recognize the warm feeling left in his chest. He blushed as he got out of the bed that overwhelmingly smelled of Gon, bringing back last nights memories with him. He breathed a bit then let the silence settle over him. It sure felt peaceful… better than at his home. He wouldn’t mind coming over more often… it was a better place to escape away to than the bars he’s been going to for ‘distractions.’

Killua looked around the room as he breathed. This was actually his first time going to someone’s home to have a quick one. He normally only picked up at the bars then went to hotel rooms, like he did when he first met Gon. It was nicer… there was more privacy and the feeling of intimacy. Killua swallowed down the panic that came with that word and shook his head. 

Whatever, he has time to kill. He doesn’t know when Gon will come back, but he doesn’t have to be here for that.

Killua decided to explore the apartment. There wasn’t that much to see, it was really small and it’s not like Gon had alot of super interesting stuff. Some books Killua didn’t want to read at the moment, photo albums he fingered through briefly, a fridge that needed restocking. Gon’s room was the most interesting-- some shells from beach trips, souvenirs from places obviously travelled, and trinkets for… fishing? But anyways, Killua was done exploring within the hour. Feeling bored, he got dressed again and left the apartment. He checked under the mat, and sure enough the key was under there. Killua blinked, still floored Gon could just trust him with this information… it made him feel… No- not going there, he didn’t need to know how it made him feel. He swiped up the key, locked the door as instructed and replaced it under the mat. He sighed and ran a hand through his ashen hair.

“Ok… Well…” He looked at the apartment room door and almost found himself not wanting to leave. That was his cue to get the hell outta there. He stuck his hands in his pockets and hurried off. He wasn’t about to go home, so he’ll visit his trusted friend to tell him about this night and morning.

\----

Kurapika rubbed through his hair, seeing how it was already 11, so he missed his chance to try and call Gon, and watched as another angry text from Leorio flooded his phone. He had no idea why Leorio was complaining to him, he couldn’t reach Gon the same way Leorio couldn’t reach Gon. He should just take up his displeasure with Gon and talk to him. 

Kurapika sighed, settling on his love seat while cradling his phone and a cup of wine (because he earned it today dammit, dealing with Leorio is cause for relaxing) and got ready to soothe his long time boyfriend. 

A knock on the door disrupted his intentions, a rapid succession giving away his long time friend’s identity on the other side. He held down a sigh as he stood and went to the door and opened it with a wary smile; afterall, it’s not all the time Killua just comes over.

“Hey?” He asked, somewhat surprised he was there.

“Sup?” He hummed moving into the interior of Kurapika’s apartment. “What, uh… what were you doing?” He hummed nonchalantly, trying not to seem like he was about to explode into gossip like the teenage girl he was.

“Just sitting down to talk to a friend… come on, sit.” He said, eying Killua with suspicion. There had to be a reason he was there. If he was coming over with something planned, he would have texted him beforehand. “What’s up?” He asked.

Killua furrowed his eyebrows trying to think of how to start talking about the confusing entity that was Gon Freeces. And not being able to help it, thinking about Gon brought a smile to his face.

“I… ok, remember when I told you about that one night stand a couple months ago? Where I bottomed?” He asked, excitement tinging his voice as he flopped on the comfortable couch his mamapika kept in the living room. He paused as he eyed the wine on the small coffee table. "Were you drinking this early in the morning?"

Kurapika waved him off. "I deserved it, my boyfriend's being whiny again. So, yea, I remember, the most amazing or something.” He said with a teasing smile.

“Yea, well, he’s as big of an idiot as I thought he was the first day. So, like, we ended up going on a date a couple weeks later because we were exchanging emails- well, it was more like I saw his sometimes, and by the time I actually started sending emails back, I already wanted to see him again.” He explained. He went into the details of how the date went and how he tried to shake him off his tail by being his super bratty self but nothing worked and then they moved on to texting and he told him about last night and that morning.

“...It was so stupid, because, what kind of idiot thinks they love someone just from some stupid sex? And then refuses to give up on them even when they don’t want anything to do with you…!” Killua complained after the two talked for a couple hours about all this, and both had gotten through a couple cups of wine. “And all the attention he gives, he’s too bright and sunny, I don’t deserve to be in that sort of… light! And the date, getting me a whole bag of chocolates because he remembers I asked for it the first day after our one night stand. And he freakn’ trusted me alone in his house! He told me to lock up!” He rubbed his reddening face. “How can anyone be that… amazing…? And in love with me…? That’s… stupid…” He mumbled, feeling a bit like ranting. He didn’t believe he was this lucky to have someone like him… too good to be true that he’s actually in his life. There must be a catch. He would have never believed he’d find anyone who’d love him so deeply… His brother had said so himself, no one else could love him more than his family. 

Kurapika held down yet another sigh, fully processing all of the information Killua just gave him. And while he interjected politely at times, he was mainly trying to draw conclusions. Of course, hearing the full story, he was now sure of it. The man Killua was talking about was Gon. Gon was the one that insisted he loved his one time partner, and went out of his way to buy an unhealthy amount of chocolate (which must have rolled over well with Killua), and though this was new information, he was the idiot who left Killua alone in his house, trusting him with everything he had. He downed the rest of his wine.

“So… is the guy you’re… kinda seeing… his name is Gon?” He asked finally. Killua blinked bringing himself out of his self loathing for a second to look at Kurapika in shock.

“Ye-yea… how did you know?” He asked. He made it a point as not to mention names of his night stands as to protect their integrity. He almost never asks or knows the names anyways, but Killua would hate if someone went around throwing his name around and how he was in bed. Anonymity was always better.

This time Kurapika did let himself sigh. “Well, I’m pretty sure I know him. He came by a few… months ago I think, asking me for help choosing an outfit for a date with the guy he was sooo sure he was in love with after one night together. And he just texts him nonstop, even going so far as to decline plans with me and Leorio- his other friend, to wait on his true love.” Kurapika explain, somewhat overdramatically, but he was also just fed up with how Gon was acting, and may have vented a bit. Regardless of how this ‘true love’ he was bashing was most likely killua. “Sound familiar?” He asked. Killua blinked, feeling the blush spread.

“He’s really… You’re friends with Gon? Gon Freecs? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He growled, sitting a bit on his knees. “I never heard about him cancelling plans with friends or anything, he’s always just told me he’s free if I ask…” Killua mumbled at the end, feeling a bit guilty that they’ve been dropped for him. Well, mostly Kurapika, he doesn’t even know this Leorio guy.

“How- why would I randomly one day say, ‘hey, you know, I have this friend named Gon Freecs’?” He asked with an eyebrow raised. “And, that's Gon alright… I know it’s not your fault so try not to feel too bad. It’s just Leorio keeps bugging  _ me _ about it. So, I’m just venting a bit.” He said, pushing stray strands of hair back. Killua snickered a bit.

“Sounds like someone’s crabby. You usually wouldn’t stand for people like that.” He snicked. “And were you never going to introduce me to Gon?” He teased.

“Leorio’s a special kind of crabby…” He said with a small smile. “And you and Gon are two…  _ very _ different people, I never saw you two being in a situation where you would meet, let alone fall in love.” Kurapika said with an eyeroll.

“Hey, I never said that word to him.” Killua clarified quickly, blushing again.

“Well, I was mainly talking about Gon… because you don’t feel that way, right?” He asked slowly.

“What.” Killua coffed, trying to stare down Kurapika convincingly even though he knows his face is burning up.

“You don’t love Gon too, right? Cause you guys only really known each other for like, half a year.” He said. If you can even call it that, they’ve talked mainly through text and the first few months, most conversations were held one-way, by the sounds of it.

“W-well… right! I don’t love him.” Killua said, deflating a bit into the couch. “There’s no way I do. I don’t treat him nearly as nicely as he treats me. I ignore him most of the time, that thing that flares up in my chest is just allergies…!” He huffed into the air. 

Kurapika covered his mouth to hide his smile from Killlua. “You’re so dumb, it sounds like you fell already.” He snickered.

“Nu-uh. I don’t like him like that!” Killua huffed, sure of himself. He can’t, it’ll just be bad for both of them.

“Ok… how do you feel when you see his texts come in?” He asked with a pretentious head tilt. Killua sucked in a breath as he felt like his chest was squeezing shut to empty his lungs as though he just saw the text and the thrill in his stomach from the attentiveness of Gon.

“... Not much…” He blew off, blushing and looking off.

“Hm~, and what about when he gets you a gift? Like chocolate?” He asked. Killua blush deepened and he sank in his seat as he tried to fight off the smile, just thinking of that dork… geez, with that stupid large smile like an idiot saying something stupid like ‘I saw this and thought of you…’

“I want to throw up…” He mumbled, hiding his face behind his hand. Kurapika smiled knowingly. Even though Killua was saying stuff like that, his body was telling him something else entirely. 

“And when he smiles at you?” he asked for his obvious answer.

Killua blushed as he finally caught on to what Kurapika was doing.

“S-shut up!” He cried out holding his chest, his heart beating too fast.  _ There’s no way…? Is this what love feels like? I wouldn’t know… but I definitely feel something… _

“Killua, what you’re feeling isn’t nothing, and while I can’t say its love, its… pretty darn close. It’s obvious you like him.” He said in soft tones, as if trying to ease Killua into the fact that he was in some prestage of love. Since he was probably completely new to this.

Killua looked down, a distance distraught look on his face.

“What should I do?” He asked, pouting a bit.

“Well… there’s no real way to fight it at this point, denying it will probably just make you miserable. And what’s the harm with giving him a chance? So, I say give him a chance.”

“Ya…? Ya, ok!” Killua puffed his chest. He didn’t really have to do much or make a move. Gon’s already been doing that for him. He just has to… not rescind it all the time! “Ok! Do you know when he comes home? He said he was going to work or something earlier.”

“Oh, yes, he should be working until 2 tonight.” He replied. He recalled Gon saying he picked up a ridiculous amounts of shifts, since he dropped Friday, the best tip night.

“Uuuugh, I don’t wanna wait that loong…” He grumbled. “Where does he work?”

“At the bar downtown.” Kurapika said.

“I should go see him, right…?” He asked, twiddling his fingers together. “How far is it?”

“Yes, we can go right now! It’s not far, like 10 minutes.” Kurapika said, standing up.

“R-right now? I dunno… well- well, ok, I mean, I was gonna go to a club tonight anyways…” Killua grumbled trying to maintain his aloofness. “I need to get ready though, let me borrow your slut clothes, Kurapika.”

“My WHAT clothes? I don’t have any!” He defended with crossed arms and a red face.

“C’mon, you’re clubbing clothes!” Killua said, standing up and heading to Kurapika’s room. Kurapika followed, bashful.

“Well, I keep them in the back of my closet… is this for a real outing? Like, when we get there, we’re going to be dancing and stuff?” He asked.

“Well, I mean… might as well, but not just that… I wanna start being serious with Gon… despite my better judgement.” He said, looking through Kurapika’s clothes. Oh, there’s some really nice ones! “Kurapika, let me have some of these.”

“No! Buy your own, rich kid.” He scolded playfully, going over and pulling some of his own out. “And that’s good! First mark of being a grown up.” He muttered, inspecting his clothes closely. Killua scoffed, “So mean…”

\---


	10. The only exception

Chapter 10

_ Maybe I know, somewhere Deep in my soul That love never lasts And we've got to find other ways To make it alone… I had sworn to myself that I'm content With loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk But, you are, the only exception  _ (Paramore- The only exception)

Kurapika pulled up to the dimly lit nightclub building, a quarter to late o’ clock. He sighed out, looking over himself one last time to ensure he looked good enough for the dance floor.

“Ok, you ready?” He asked turning to face Killua.

“Yes…” Killua sighed but then, “no, no, I change my mind, let’s go home.”  He rushed to put his seatbelt back on in his panic.

“What- no! We just got here, you already got me all dressed up-- let’s just go see Gon!” He chided, reaching for Killua’s seatbelt.

“No, I wasn’t reaaady! Im sorry!” He cried out, swatting at his hands.

“Ready for what? It’s a club! You’re gonna go in and say hi to Gon, pretend you’re the coolest shit on this side of the galaxy and go home!” Kurapika tried again.

“That’s the problem! Gon’s in there!” Killua cried. Killua pouted looking over at the building once more and then, “No, No, let’s go…” He huffed, unbuckling and was about to open the car door when he wimped out again. “-No, I can’t do it!”

“Killua, come on, you can do this! It’s just-- fine, we’ll go.” Kurapika tried but then gave in, putting the car in reverse and looking backwards to pull out. He heard Killua’s door, and when he looked over, Killua was already out of the moving car, door closing behind him as he marched into the building. Kurapika laughed as he eased the car back into his parking spot to join Killua.

\--

The bar had an amicable atmosphere when they entered; the music over the speakers encouraged conversation and relaxed mood, the dance floor was open for free expression of people’s bodies on each other, and the bartender busted drinks out helped everyone get an enjoyable buzz in the flavor of their choice.

Killua’s eyes were on the bartender, Gon, as the two cute and alluringly dressed males walked in together. Killua sucked in another breath as he steadied himself to go talk to Gon. But as he made his way over, a group of girls slid up to the polished counter and Gon immediately gave them his attention, having yet to spot Killua. His smile was easy and his eyes attentive, and Killua could recognize a flirtatious look anywhere. His breath caught in his throat and he ducked behind a group of people talking, not caring about their indignation from their personal space being invaded by a stranger.

“Fuck, Kurapika!” Killua whispered sharply to his friend. “What the heck? What is Gon doing?”

Kurapika wrung his hands slightly, glancing over at Gon once more. “ He’s… well, making money I suppose.” He said with a wince as Gon gave a wink to one of the patrons under his attention. Killua glanced over, watching the way Gon leaned over the counter, closing the distance between another girl in a tease. Killua looked back down at the floor, running a hand through his hair. He felt a small panic rise in his chest and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. His thoughts came out in a mumble, “I thought he liked me…”

“Baby, he does! He’s just… crafty. Why don’t you go talk to him!” Kurapika said encouragingly. They were already here, and Killua was actually giving someone a chance! And Killua deserved someone good, especially if that someone was Gon. Kurapika’s known Gon since he was 12 and watched him grow up; he was the kind of person Killua needed in his life. He had to pursue this.

“What? No way! Not while he’s flirting with all those girls… I’d just embarrass myself. He would probably just use that chance to properly break up me…” He sniffed, looking up at Kurapika with pale mascara streaks down his face.

Kurapika could practically hear his heart break. He cupped Killua’s face, wiping slightly at the tears on Killua’s face. “No, no, Killua, Gon could barely ever stop talking about you the times we were actually able to hang out! There’s no way he would chose some girls over you, he’s not gonna break up with you.” He tried with a soft smile.

“Well, well…” He sniffed, glancing back over his shoulder. “If I’m gonna talk to him… Kurapika, could you get the girls to leave?” He pouted up at his mom friend. Kurapika sighed playfully before smiling.

“Yes, I’ll go talk to him. So, fix your makeup. You look like you been crying.” He teased, turning and strutting his way over to Gon.

“Shut up…” Killua growled trying to retain his dignity and wiping at the edges of his eyes. 

Kurapika leaned across the counter seductively, batting his eyelashes teasingly at Gon. Gon caught Kurapika's eye and he did a double take, confused as to why his friend was there, and more importantly, acting as if he wanted his ‘attention’.

“Hi, Mr. bartender. Do you possibly have a drink I’d like?” He cooed in a low voice. Gon chuckled and, leaning in his direction with a cute head tilt, replied,

“It depends on what type that is.”

The girls could easily pick up on the flirty vibes between the two and could infer that they know each other or possibly even have a history, and did not want that baggage. They walked off and Gon pouted.

“What is it Kurapika? That was an easy 50 dollars…” He whined, wiping the counter.

“You’re boyfriend’s here.” He stated simply, and Gon froze before looking off into the hazy crowd over Kurapika’s shoulder.

“You mean Killua?! He’s here?” He asked, craning his neck this way and that as if that would help him see through the dim light any better. 

Killua was trying to see what was happening himself, using the group of guys he was hiding behind to look over at the scene. He found it a good sign when the group of girls left the counter, feeling like his chest finally let up from the pressure he was feeling. Then he saw Gon looking into the crowd as if looking for someone and he hid a bit more behind the bigger guys, who were starting to think Killua was more an adorable stranger than an imposing intruder. They let him flit about them as he supposedly needed to. He tapped one on the shoulder.

“How’s my make-up?” He asked. He smiled flirtatiously.

“Looks so good, baby-”

“Thanks.” Killua shut him down with his cold voice and began walking to the bar to finally confront Gon in what he was prepared to do all day.

Gon’s eyes widened as he saw Killua was heading over and smiled. Whenever he saw Killua, he got a rush of happiness he couldn't express just right. But it wanted to bubble out his chest and make its way over to the starlit teen regardless.

“Killua!” He said brightly. Kurapika turned his head to watch Killua come over. He was very pleased that Killua didn't just hightail it out the building.

“Hey Gon…” He let out in a cool breath. He propped himself up on a stool by Gon. He let his eyes roam over the place like he just decided to see the room now. “So this is where you work?” He asked.

“Yea! It’s nothing great, but it’s enough to pay bills.” He said with an easy smile, leaning on the counter to see and hear Killua better. Kurapika smiled at the love in Gon’s eyes. To Gon, this was real love, and who was Kurapika if he couldn't even support his friend in his hope? 

Killua shot a crooked smile at Gon, allowing himself to lean closer to Gon. “So what is it you do? Flex those muscles for girls?” He said with a cool tone, letting his eyes flash a bit in jealousy. Gon’s smile fell a bit.

“Ah, well, no. I-- I, technically I serve drinks, and talk to those at the bar to help them enjoy their night…” He said. He chewed his lip slightly, “You know that I was just being a bit friendly in hopes they leave more tip?” He said, gesturing in the vague direction the girls went. Gon figured he might have seen since he alluded to it. Killua let his eyelids droop into a scrutinizing squint. He turned his head into profile, his eyes closed nonchalantly.

“I guess… I mean, what you do to get your money is you, I just wasn’t expecting to come here and see you drooling over girls when you were claiming to like me for the past couple of months.” He said airily. He knew he was being a bit mean and honestly was just fishing for more of the praise Gon seemed to love to dish out.

“I wasn’t drooling over them Killua! You’re-- if you want, I’ll only look at you. Ever.” He said, somewhat reaching for him in earnest. He wanted Killua to believe him, that he was the only one he liked right now. Killua blinked at him, feeling his breath catch in his throat and his mind finally registered what Gon said.

“W-what?” Killua choked out with a burning blush on his face. This is what he got for trying to get just a little out of Gon. He should have known Gon was going to be extra and bright and more than he asked for. He was just a giant giving tree with much too much love to give. “Y-you don’t have to just ever look at me!” He cried. “I-I, It’s fine Gon, I wasn’t even that jealous…” He mumbled. Gon sighed out happily, holding a hand over his chest dramatically as he smiled. His eyes glinted mischievously as he leaned back closer to Killua.

“So you got jealous?” He asked with a teasing smirk. Killua felt a chill run down his spine at getting called out and became flustered.

“W-well, I mean, I- Gon! Don’t change the subject! So, what drinks can you make me?” He said, doing exactly what he told Gon not to do. Gon laughed a loud carefree laugh at Killua’s antics.  He felt so happy he could burst. It didn't matter if Killua told him he didn't have to look at no one else, there was no one else he wanted to look at.

“I can make you whatever drink you want.” He said with a playful eyebrow wiggle. 

Kurapika chuckled, “Well I’m not sticking around for this. I’m already here and dressed up. I’m dancing.” Kurapika said, heading to the dance floor.

“Alright, get yourself a guy already.” Killua smirked, not turning back to address him, happily keeping his eyes on Gon.

“I--... sure, baby.” He said with a slight wave over his shoulder. He can tell Killua about his boyfriend he already has later. Gon raised an eyebrow.

“But he-- how do you know Kurapika?” Gon asked, suddenly having a million questions come to mind. Killua pursed his lips together. He didn’t want to talk about Kurapika, he didn’t even get the chance to tell Gon he wanted them to get together.

“He was one of my one night stands from before…” He sighed. “I’ll take any drink you make me.” He said. Gon paused.

“He.. you- what?” He asked shortly, his head tilted slightly. His shoulders shrugged by his ears as he leaned on the counter for what Killua would say next.

“Kurapika, he was…” Killua blinked at the sudden shift in Gon’s demeanor. Killua wanted to test something. “I’ve slept with Kurapika before. He’s like, the only one night stand I’ve kept in contact with outside of you.” He said trying to keep his smile down. Something dark seemed to flash in Gon’s eyes but he blinked and smiled it off before Killua could see what it was.

“Ah, that’s true. I couldn’t have possibly been the only one you’ve been with. You’re so good at sex.” He said with a disarming smile, though it seemed weighed. Killua laughed, feeling a blush on his face.

“Shut up, I’m not better than you…” Killua hummed, placing a flirty hand under his chin, a flick of his eyebrows. “You sure had experience under your belt too.” Gon shrugged lazily, looking to the side slyly.

“It’s not all that much, you were the first guy I was with, and only ever slept with three other girls.” He said, getting a shot glass to fix Killua’s drink.

“Wow seriously? How long have you been sleeping around?” Killua blinked at him. He had so little experience but he made him feel like…  _ that _ on their night… he must’ve had some good teachers or his instincts are better than Killua thought.

“Um… the first time was a couple months ago.” He said with a nose scrunch, pouring out a small stream of alcohol from a bottle behind him.

“Seriously? Goodness, it’s like I stole your innocence, your such a greenhorn.” Killua scoffed, feeling seniority. “I’ve been sleeping around since I was 16, and it wasn’t just a couple fucks every month. It was almost nightly when I first started.” Killua hummed. Gon tried not to let his jaw drop, but it did. He rimmed the edge of the cup with lime before passing it to Killua.

“Seriously? Woah… why did you sleep around so much?” He asked with genuine curiosity, without a judgemental tone. Someone who sat at the bar waved for Gon’s attention. “Ah…” He sighed as he gave them a quick smile and an apologetic glance at Killua. “I’ll be right back?” Killua puffed a bit, upset at Gon’s attention being stolen. Was this gonna be an all night thing?

“Fine, I’ll be here…” He sighed, taking a sip of the drink. Gon gave him a bright smile before sliding over to the newcomer.

It did become an all night thing. But Gon was as attentive as ever. Still, as attentive as Gon was, he was still interrupting their conversations with the need to go serve to others.

\---

“Gon.” Killua piped up while Gon was making googly eyes at girls for a chance at a bigger tip. He waited until he knew he was acknowledged, then spoke again. “I’m gonna go dance…” He said. He already finished his second drink Gon gave him and he knew his limits. He couldn’t sit here and drink all night just hoping to talk to Gon.

Gon frowned, but nodded. “Alright, don’t have too much fun!” He teased, but there was a seriousness to it. Gon couldn’t help it, Killua wasn’t even his and he felt a possessiveness over him. Killua smirked, deciding to have the worst kind of fun right then and there.

“Alright, that should be manageable. I’ll just go dance with Kurapika.” He smiled innocently and went to saunter out to the floor. Gon felt a prick of nerves stick at his neck as he blurted out.

“Ah-but-hey! Killua! Haha, that was loud.” He chuckled, ducking his head as he rubbed his neck, feigning embarrassment. “Um, how long have you two been friends again?” Killua turned around at the call, carefully schooling his expression as not to burst out laughing at Gon’s blatant jealousy.

“Um, 2 years, yea.” Killua nodded, returning to the counter and leaning on it. “That all?” Gon smiled tightly to try and ease killua.

“Yea that’s all! I mean, you two have been friends for so long, you must have had plenty of dances together.” Gon said.  _ And you two aren't together yet _ . 

“Mh! Alright, I’m off.” He chirped, enjoying teasing Gon waaaay too much. He makes his way into the mass of writhing bodies on the “dance” floor, easily gliding through the masses. He finds Kurapika not too out of sight from the bar, which was perfect.

“Dance with me.” Killua whispered to Kurapika from behind, sliding his hands up his shirt even though his fingertips were cool to the touch, because he knows Pika hates when he does that. Kurapika shivered at the touch before hissing at Killua,

“Killua! You know I hate that.” He muttered, annoyed. He still obliged and pressed into his friend from behind, feeling much better as Killua’s fingers heated a bit. Killua’s cat smile spread, happy Kurapika never fails to dance promiscuously with him. He let his hands roam Kurapika’s body and he pulled and pushed in a lame excuse of what's called dancing now a days, his own hips swaying side to side. A sexy scene. Nice.

Gon tried not to glare daggers at the back of Kurapika’s head, or whine senselessly at the next person to walk up to him. He thought Kurapika knew he liked Killua! He thought maybe… but Gon was being dumb, and hopeful, as usual. He let out a quiet puppy whine, going over to a lone man who stood by the bar perusing the menu.

After a few minutes of somewhat drunkenly dancing with Killua, Kurapika turned, placing his arms around Killua’s shoulders and pulling him a bit closer to talk into his ear. 

“Did you tell Gon you want to be his boyfriend yet?” He asked.

“No, I never got to. Whenever I got the courage to, some other customer would step up stealing his attention and I’d lose it.” He muttered annoyed, holding Kurapika close, already used to this type of dancing with his best friend. Kurapika scoffed, pulling back a bit with an eyebrow raised.

“And what are you doing dancing like this with me over here? Trying to get Gon to buzz off?” He asked, looking over his shoulders to the bar.

“No, just… a little jealous… I mean, I’d love if he’d just ditch the bar scene, jump over to me disregarding any consequence and just swoop me in his arms like ‘Killua, you idiot, I’m the only one you can dance with like that…!’” He sighed, letting some space between them. “Stupid, right? I just can’t… I… this isn’t the place to tell him, not like this…”

“True… but… when else will you tell him? Breakfast after a one nite stand?” He asked, holding one of Killua’s hands. Killua scrunched his nose.

“That would be the third time. I don’t think it’s called a one night stand after that.” He sighed. “What, should I just go over there and tell him ‘you’re mine, and I’m yours now’?” Kurapika let out a laugh.

“Yea, he’d like that. Just ask him when he’s free, pull him aside and have a mature talk with him.” Kurapika tried.

“Mature? Right, Kurapika, you forget who you’re talking to.” Killua smirked, starting his way back to the bar. He didn’t really want to go by himself, but he’s bothered Kurapika enough.

Gon perked up as he watched Killua come back. He walked away from the person he was serving, simply forgetting altogether he was talking to someone at all. He been watching carefully, and Kurapika and Killua didn't kiss once. The dancing was a bit close but what could Gon do about that, Killua and Kurapika were close friends. Or something.

“Hey!” He said with a wave.  

“Hey… when do you get off work?” Killua asked, cringing internally at how whiny and clingy he probably sounded.

“Ah, at 1. I wish I could get off sooner…” He muttered. He really did wish he was available for Killua. He wasn’t exactly passing himself off as boyfriend material. Killua sighed.

“Alright… well…” He puffed his cheeks out and looked left and right, making sure no one was too close. “I just wanted to tell you… Yea, I’ll… we can date or whatever…” He blushed, pushing his bangs behind his reddening ears. Gon lifted his head and blinked in surprise at Killua. Did his ears deceive him?

“Huh?” 

Killua turned a deeper shade of red.

“Don’t make me repeat it idiot! I’m your boyfriend now!” He cried. Gon blinked at him a moment longer before a large smile broke out over his face.

“Killua!” He cheered happily, vaulting the counter and pulling Killua into a bear hug and a deep kiss. Killua was totally surprised at Gon’s actions but all else faded away as he was swept into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Gon’s neck in a distracted motion, a small sigh escaping from his nose.

Kurapika wiped a tear as he watched from afar.

\---


	11. LOVE.

Chapter 11

_ Give me a run for my money, There is nobody, no one to outrun me. So give me a run for my money, Sipping bubbly, feeling lovely, living lovely, Just love me. I wanna be with you, ayy, I wanna be with, I wanna be with you, ayy, I wanna be with, I wanna be with you  _ ( LOVE. -Kendrick Lamar)

Later that night, Kurapika told Killua he was heading home, and that he could drive Killua home. Gon didn’t want Killua leaving so soon, and offered to drive Killua home instead. Killua smiled warmly at Gon and turned back to Kurapika.

“Ya, I’ll drive home with Gon once he gets off work at 1.” He nodded, leaning into Gon. Kurapika nodded with a yawn.

“Ok. I’m going home! Have a good night.” He said walking out.

“Night, Pika!” Killua called after him, looking back up at Gon.

Gon felt like he was floating. Or maybe turning into air. He wasn’t sure, Killua filled him with such a light feeling, he wasn’t sure if he was even touching the ground. Every time Killua touched him, he felt shocked. Like it was the first time coming in contact with another person ever. Every look was like getting lost in the sky. Gon let out another love sick sigh, talking Killua’s hand (and reveling in another shock) and rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.

“I have to get back to work, but, stick around. I’ll call you as soon as I’m done. I’m sure you’re tired.” He added with a small chuckle.

“No, I’m not tired, I’m used to staying up late…” Killua said, looking down at their locked hands with a blush on his face. “Why don’t you teach me how to make some of those drinks? I can come behind the counter, right?”

Gon smiled with a hint of mischief. “I don’t see why not.”

They had fun for the rest of Gon’s shift, doing cute flirty stuff but then it was 1 am and time for Gon to clock off. They went to Gon’s car which Killua remembered from their first one night stand when they drove to the hotel. It was still drowning in Gon’s scent that Killua loved.

Killua pointed out directions and guided him to where he needed to go. Meanwhile they both engaged in conversation in the car as if it was their first time meeting. Technically, with Killua no longer being so closed off, the conversations flowed much easier for both of them. Gon drove into the nice part of the town and soon, Gon tried not to gape at the surrounding houses and his surroundings in general. The space between houses grew larger from being on such wide estate.

“Ok, stop.” Killua said once Gon could see the shapes of a mansion down the winding road. “Thanks babe, I can walk from here.”

“I uh- what? We aren’t there yet, I could pull up to your house…” He muttered in revere as he glanced at the large and expansive stone gate next to him.

“Ha, no, I don’t want you anywhere near my house.” Killua scoffed. He climbed out and went to Gon’s side of the car to kiss him on the cheek good-bye.

Gon distractedly leaned into the kiss.  “A-alright… ah, I’ll call you later?” He asked with a shy smile. Killua smiled and nodded.

“Yea… still, don’t blow up my phone, but you can call.” He said. Gon smiled wider.

“Of course! I’ll see you.” He said before driving off. Killua walked the rest of the way, a familiar feeling engulfing him that seemed to be heavy in the air just a few feet away from where Gon dropped him off, as if telling everyone: You have now entered Zoldyck property.

____

A couple months passed with Killua and Gon dating. Of course it was a little weird to Gon that Killua never let him go near his house or even meet his family, but they just got together. He wasn’t going to push the topic and Killua away with it. They were happy, going out on more dates, and having plenty of couple sex. They didn’t have to go to anyone else’s arms when they felt lonely at night or needed an escape. They were each other’s now. They didn’t need anybody else.

But someone was still feeling a bit neglected even after this whole mystery lover thing seemed to be solved. And he still didn’t even know who the lover was.

Leorio was peeved.


	12. Fallen

Chapter 12

_ Fallen, head over heels, I've fallen in love with you, I've fallen, and I can't get up, Don't wanna get up because of love…!  _ (Fallen- Mya)

“Leorio, please I… no, but…”

Gon held his phone between his shoulder and ear as he hung his uniform and placed it in his closet. Gon’s face soured as Leorio’s loud voice rang through his receiver and he reached for his phone to pull it from his face. He waited till the sound dropped off to return it to his ear.

“Ok,  _ ok _ leorio, I can meet up for lunch! How about tomorrow?... oh… you want to meet Killua? I have to check when he’s free… well, he’s a busy guy!” Gon defended as he plopped onto his bed and looked up thoughtfully. He actually can’t contest to how true that was, but he really did have to make sure whatever day they chose Killua could make it. But more often nowadays, Killua was clearing his schedule when Gon asked. The very thought sent a thrill down his spine. Gon sighed again, gaining another loud rant from Leorio.

“Ahaa yea Leorio, I’ll get back to you! Bye!” He ended the call before Leorio could end his eardrums, and giggled happily at the antics of his longtime friend. Gon decided to just scroll through his phone and call Killua then. It rang for half a ring, and “Hello?”

“Killua! Are you free for lunch tomorrow?”

______

Killua picked at his earwax with his pinky finger and flicked it off to the side with a scrunched face sitting at the table waiting for both Gon and this Leorio guy. This is what he gets for coming on time. He should know by now that when Gon decides a time for something, he should give or take 10 minutes. More often given 10 minutes. He looked up as the bells to the small cafe rang but was disappointed to only see a strangely tall, gangly man.

The man scanned the room before his eyes fell on Killua. He did a quick double take before putting on a civil smile and heading towards Killua. Killua’s eyes widened to see him coming in his direction. He sat at the booth, setting aside a briefcase he held.

“Hello, are you, by any chance, Killua?” He asked. Killua’s red-flagged ‘stranger danger’ were going off as he regarded him with a side eye, sitting back in his chair.

“Depends on who's asking. Who are you?” He asked.

“I’m Leorio! Gon told me we were meeting today… he did tell you that right?” He asked, pushing up his glasses. “He can be such a scatterbrain sometimes.” He muttered.

“No, he told me, but…” He looked him over what he could see once more. “I just didn’t think Gon was friends with someone so old.”

Leorio took immediate offense, seeming ready to be strung up at a moment’s notice. “Hey!! You brat, I’m only 24!!” He jeered. Killua’s mouth formed an ‘O’ from surprise before he chuckled out, the reaction too funny. He shouldn’t get so strung up so easily!

“Seriously? Are you sure? You look  _ ancient _ !” He said with a teasing tone. Leorio’s shoulders shook in anger, as his face twisted comically.

“I knew it! You’re no good for Gon!” He concluded, going to stand up.

“Hahaha, what? What are you even going on about?” Killua laughed, holding his stomach. “How is your age indicative of whether or not I’m good enough for Gon?” He fell into a fit of giggles at his own joke.

“You’re too much of a brat to be with a good kid like Gon! You’ll just ruin him!” He said, sitting back in his seat again, if nothing but to scold Killua.

“Yea? Well, you try telling Gon that. You think I haven’t tried telling Gon I don’t deserve him or he doesn’t deserve me- I tried every trick in the book to get Gon off my butt but my butt seems too good to leave.” Killua shrugged, putting his arms behind his head. “He says he loves me.”

“Yea, I know.” He ground out, annoyed. “I don’t see it yet.”

Just then the bells of the door rang out, followed by “Killua!” as Gon came rushing over. He plopped a kiss on his cheek, a smile stretching his cheeks.

“I’m here too!” Leorio said with playful bitterness. Gon turned to him with a big smile.

“I saw Leorio!” He said, falling into the seat next to Leorio to give him a hug. “So, have you two talked yet?” He asked with a raised brow.

“Yea! And I don’t see what you see in a brat like that!” He half shouted and Gon winced.

“I figured you’d say that…” He muttered with a playful wink at Killua. Killua chuckled, feeling butterflies in his stomach.

“Oh please, I was  _ not _ being a brat, this guy was being mean to me first! He said I couldn't be with you!" He protested.

“Leorio! You shouldn't be mean to Killua!” Gon scolded with his arms crossed. Leorio gaped disbelieving.

“I-- wasn't! He called me old!!” He shouted pointing. Gon made an o face then turned to Killua.

“Killua… you shouldn't do that. Leorio is very… that's a touchy subject.” He tried with a few head tilts, and Leorio nodded satisfied at the tables being turned, even if it was more of a soft rotate.

“He’s the one that freakn’ told me I couldn’t be with you just because I said he looked old.” He crossed his arms and looked off, not coming here to be scolded. Gon sighed a bit.

“How about we start over? I don’t want you guys to fight.” He said, looking between Killua and Leorio.

“Fine. I’m Killua, Gon’s boyfriend.” Killua started.

“I’m Leorio. Gon’s parent figure!” He said with a bit of pride and Gon chuckled, rubbing his face. 

“Leorio helped take care of me when I moved to New York!” He explained.

“Oooh, and Kurapika, right?” Killua asked Gon.

“Yea! I owe more to these two than I could ever repay.” He said with a smile.

“And he tries, no matter how often we tell him it’s fine.” Leorio chuckled amicably, giving Gon a head rub. Killua smiled at that. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as he thought.

“That’s so nice. Then I should thank you too, for taking care of him. He came when he was 12, right?” Killua said, leaning forward.

“Yup! Straight off of some Island I never heard of, said he wanted to travel the world! This idiot came with nothing but the clothes off his back. Someone had to take care of him.” He explained.

“I would have been fine!.. Maybe.” Gon admitted with a small chuckle. Killua smiled.

“You idiot.” He chuckled. 

They ordered food and carried on their conversation pretty amicably after that. It was like the initial meeting never happened. Until they reached a snag in conversation.

“So, what about you? What about your family? The way you’re so busy and hang around Gon all the time, don’t your parents worry?” Leorio asked.

“No, no, it’s… they’re fine with it.” Killua shrugged off unconvincingly.

“What? They’re not worried? What kind of parents don’t have some sort of curfew for their kid?”

“It’s whatever, I don’t want to talk about it.” Killua said, crossing his arms. Gon drew his eyes from Killua to glance at Leorio.

“Leorio, I’m sure it’s fine. Killua knows what he’s doing.” He said with a smile that said  _ drop it _ . Leorio furrowed his eyebrows at Gon.

“You’re not worried? His family life doesn-”

“Hey!” Killua snapped. “He didn’t ask. And you should shut up.” Killua growled. Leorio made a noise of indignation but got it. He didn’t want to talk about it. But it left the question wondering ‘why’ on his mind even after their lunch date ended.

It made him concerned for Gon as to why Killua was so secretive.

****


	13. Smile

Chapter 13

_ You make me dance like a fool, Forget how to breathe, Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee, Just the thought of you can drive me wild...Oh, you make me smile  _ (Smile Uncle Kracker)

Gon’s never been so happy to celebrate his birthday. Never in his (now) 21 years of life, he’s ever been more happy then he was that day.

“Wow, birthday breakfast?” Gon asked with a sleepy smile, wiping crust out of his eyes as he sat up further.

“That’s right! I’m not the best cook, but I got you something I know how to make, so… happy birthday…!” Killua said with a shy smile and a small blush on his cheeks. He climbed on the bed on his knees, his hands balancing the tray holding Gon’s breakfast of eggs over medium, toast and a bowl of fruit. Gon beamed over the meal like it was a banquet of the most extravagant foods.

“Thank you, Killua! This looks amazing!” He complimented, taking the tray from Killua so he could come sit easier. Gon took a cut strawberry from the bowl and held it up to Killua’s lips as he approached. “Ah.” Killua ate from his fingers, at ease with Gon’s affections when it was in private. Gon gave a happy hum as he ate his food himself.

\----

“Killua?” Gon called as he tiptoed into his apartment. Gon knew Killua could be in the apartment at any moment, especially considering Killua’s been in and out ever since he got Killua a copy of his keys.

Not that Gon minded at all.

“I’m back here!” Killua called out from Gon’s room. Gon beamed. He was somewhat hoping Killua wasn’t here so he could make it a surprise, but this worked too. Gon went into his room with a big smile that gave away all his intentions.

Killua chuckled at the dumb smile on Gon’s face then looked down at where Gon hid his hands behind his back. He sat up on his knees from his previous position where he was trying to paint his toes, excitable as a kitten.

“What is it, what’d you get me?!” Killua asked, putting his hands out. Gon laughed at his boyfriend.

“Calm down!” He chuckled, though he himself was really excited. He sat at the edge of the bed, and inclined his head for Killua to sit too. Killua let out a giant huff of a sigh, forced to be patient. He sat down with a bounce and held his hands out.

“Ok! What is it?” He said through his smile. Gon place a small object in Killua’s hand while still covering it with his hands, a sincere smile on his face.

“Happy birthday Killua!”

He removed his hand and left a small japanese ‘good luck cat’ key chain sitting in Killua’s hand. Gon smiled sheepishly.

“I know it’s not much, but later, when I have more money, I’ll get you even better gifts! Just you wait…” He hummed, hoping Killua would like it, despite his picky nature.

“Aw, Gon…!” Killua cooed, looking it over. That’s right! His birthday was today… That makes him 20 now. “Thank you, I love it…” He said looking back up at Gon. The fact Gon remembered to get him something for his birthday was so thoughtful, he’ll treasure it forever. “You don’t have to worry about getting me gifts or anything expensive. What I want from you, you can’t buy in stores…!” Killua said, letting his voice trail off to a purr-whisper. He began crawling onto Gon’s lap with a flirty cheshire grin on his face. Gon let a mischievous smile of his own slip onto his lips, Pulling Killua onto him.

This might be Gon’s favorite part. Birthday sex.

\---

Killua fiddled with his bow tie, a giant blush on his face as he looked at himself in the mirror. He wore a white collared shirt with a light gray short sleeved sweater over it and a black bow tie, black slacks and his sneakers. “I look stupid…” Killua muttered, eyeing Kurapika in the reflection. Kurapika swiped at Killua’s shoulders, removing lint from the dark material.

“You do not, you look really cute, and I’m sure Gon’s gonna think so too.” He said.

“I…” Killua said, his face uncomfortably hot and he rubbed at it as if to rub away his blush. “That’s because he’s stupid…” He chuckled, the feeling in his chest threatening to choke him with happiness. “Whatever, date night is stupid.” He decided. He’ll have to tell Gon to never make him dress up for one ever again.

“Of course it is.” Kurapika laughed with Killua’s hopelessness.

“Are you girls ready in here?” Leorio asked, poking his head in.

“I dunno, are you getting any younger?” Killua snapped back with practiced reflex. Leorio flipped him off thusly, and walked back out.

“He’s ready, alright.” Leorio said in the other room.

“Go on, then. Have fun.” Kurapika said, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. Killua let out a huff to try to expel all the butterflies in his chest. He just wanted Gon to hold him and calm him down and call him beautiful…

“Ok.” He said, turning from the mirror and heading out Kurapika’s room to meet with Gon. Gon waited out in Kurapika’s living room with a smile on his face. He himself had on a white dress shirt and black slacks, pulled together by suspenders. As Killua walked out, Gon’s smile only widened.

“Wah, you look amazing Killua…!” He said with a soft sigh, walking over to take his hand. Killua blushed, never prepared for Gon’s open affection.

“Shut up, you look better…” He said. Gon beamed, interlocking their fingers tightly.

“Thanks…” He muttered, using his free hand to lift Killua’s chin and press their lips together. Killua melted into it, a purr rising up from the back of his throat, squeezing Gon’s hands. He gave a little lick to Gon’s lips in the kiss. Gon let out his own tiny noise, releasing their hands to fully press Killua against him. He wanted him closer, Gon wanted him--  _ again _ , if his dick had any say in the matter. Gon felt like he should be embarrassed by how quickly Killua can get him started, but he didn't have the power.

Killua sighed into the kiss, relishing in the movements of Gon’s hands on his body, the press of their bodies together had his reasoning nowhere to be found. He wrapped his arms around Gon’s neck and pressed their lips further together, opening his mouth to let Gon in.

Just as Gon’s tongue slipped past Killua’s lips, a loud coughing or hacking broke out behind them. Gon startled, pulling back with a blush on his cheeks. Killua growled a bit at being interrupted. Leorio watched with an eyebrow raised and Kurapika covered his mouth, the plump of his cheeks giving away how widely he was smiling.

“Don’t you two have somewhere to be?” Leorio asked.

“Yea, the bedroom I guess…” Gon muttered, turning back to Killua with a glint in his eye. As cute as Killua looked in those clothes, he very much wanted him out of them. Killua’s eyes widened a bit and then he giggled quietly.

“Y’know, I don’t mind if this date night takes place at your place.” Killua hummed quietly at Gon’s shoulder.

“Me neither…” He said in a low voice, taking Killua’s hand again. “Thanks you guys! We’ll see you later!” Gon said with a smile as he lead them to the door. He wondered only briefly if he should call to cancel the reservations. And Killua decided in that moment he wouldn’t mind date night again.

\--------------

Killua let his head hang backwards over the arm of the couch, his legs stretched out over Gon’s lap, and noted the time.

“Aaaah, this movie night was fun… but my weekend trip has been long enough. It’s time for me to go home.” Killua hummed, not really wanting to get up and not making a move to yet. Gon squeezed Killua’s shin a bit, not wanting him to move either.

Having Killua come over was the best feeling ever to Gon. Whenever Killua walks in the door, Gon can feel everything get brighter, easier. But when he’s leaving its a different story. Everything in Gon wants to go with him, though Killua still hasn't granted him permission to even see his home, despite dating for almost half a year. His insides twisted in displeasure and he couldn’t stop the whines that left him when Killua had to go. Gon didn’t want Killua going anymore.

“Hey Killua? Can’t you just stay here?” Gon asked. Killua tilted his head forward and looked at Gon with a raised eyebrow.

“What? I just said I have to go home…?” Killua said, a little confused.

“I mean… do you wanna move in? With me?” He asked, a hopeful pitch in his voice as he gave another friendly squeeze to his leg. Killua gazed back at him with wide eyes, the feeling of ‘perfect’ and ‘just right’ and ‘ _ home _ ’ ringing through his chest at just the thought of it, and he wondered what took him so long to think of it himself.

“Ok.” He said after a moment and let his head hang back on the couch. “Let’s put on another movie.” Killua said, a smile breaking over his face.

***


	14. Young Dumb and Broke

Chapter 14

_ I'm so high at the moment, I'm so caught up in this. Yeah, we're just young, dumb and broke, But we still got love to give. _ (Young, Dumb, and Broke- Khalid)

Killua pouts, looking down at his phone.

“This is so stupid. Gon’s been at work for 20 minutes already and it’s felt like hours. Why does he have to work so much? What does he expect me to do when he leaves for some many hours of the day and I’m here just fucking missing him?” Killua ranted, curled up in a single seat couch in a corner of Kurapika’s room. It seemed once Killua moved in with Gon, Killua’s also been going over to Kurapika’s more often since he was feeling more lonely. Kurapika gave a empathy sigh from his spot on the bed, trying to get his studying in for school.

“Ah, baby. I know it’s hard, but Gon has to… he’s working so many hours because the more hours he works, the more money he gets. And he needs more money nowadays.” Kurapika said. But it did seem strange to him too, Gon didn’t have to work  _ this _ much just to support him and Killua, right? Gon would come to him and Leorio if he needed help right?

“That’s true…” Killua mumbled to himself, looking at his phone again as if Gon would suddenly decide to text him then. Since Killua’s moved in, he’s noticed just how… financially challenged Gon really was from Gon’s choice of non name brands and the things he abstains from doing to save money. “Especially now that I’m here, and he has to make enough for both of us. And I’m not even doing anything to help…” Killua let his head hang back.

“I’m sure Gon would prefer you didn’t worry about that sort of thing. But why not get a job, then? I know you don’t have much experience in that, but you could start now!” Kurapika suggested.

“That’s a good idea!” Killua said sitting up. In the lifestyle he grew up in, Killua never had to work and he was homeschooled, everything was done for him and provided. The concept of work and why people did it was foreign to him until he met Gon, and now he’ll be happy to work if it’ll help his boyfriend. “I’ve been meaning to for a while now. But I don’t know what I would do. I can’t mix drinks like Gon, and I don’t think they’d let an underage do it.”

“You don’t have to work as a bartender. And Gon made it work, working underage.” Kurapika explained.

“Well, what else could I do?” Killua asked moving to Kurapika’s bed.

“Mmm, a bagger at supermarket?” Kurapika offered, Its a common starter job after all. “Or at the mall! You like clothes, and employees get discounts.”

“Oooh, ya! Ok, I would need a ride, through…” Killua bit his lip, looking at Kurapika expectantly. Kurapika sighed playfully. He didn’t even have to ask.

“Of course that will be me.” Kurapika said in a nod.

“Awesome! Let’s go!” Killua jumped up from the couch.

They drove to the nearby mall, and Kurapika took Killua to one of the clothes store he knew was in Killua’s tastes. When they got there, Killua wasn’t expecting to need a resume or an interview, but the employer was very nice about it. Killua was actually very lucky he got the job with very little provided. (It might have been something to do with those baby blues and silver tongue.)

\-------

Killua called Kurapika after work a couple hours later.

“I hate working. Can I quit?” Killua said in a cranky tone. Kurapika let out a clear laugh.

“No! How will you make money for Gon?” He asked, a tease in his tone.

“That’s true…” Killua hummed, looking up. “Is Gon home now? Also, what does it mean when I’m ‘working part-time’?” Killua asked. Unseen to Killua, Kurapika held his head and bit his tongue in an effort not to coo at Killua endearingly.

“I can explain that to you later. And no, Gon won’t be back until 1 again.” He explained. Killua tsked loudly.

“That’s stupid!” He growled looking at the time. “It’s only 9!”

“Good thing you have your burning hate of your work to tide you over.” Kurapika laughed.

“I hate that…” Killua joined Kurapika in his laughter. “Come pick me up already.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in half an hour. Look around or something. Window shop.” Kurapika said as he hopped up to get Killua. “By the by, do you know how to drive?”

“Of course I know how to drive. And no, I’m not gonna look around. It’s fricken 9 pm. There’s freaks out. I’ll stay by the store, thank you.”

“Ok, then from now on, you can borrow my car when you need to go into work. I’ll just steal Leorio’s car.” He snickered.

“Right, ok, thanks!”

\---


	15. Heathens

Chapter 15

_ Please don't make any sudden moves, You don't know the half of the abuse.  _ (Heathens - 21 pilots )

Leorio and Kurapika has been with, cared for, and practically raised Gon since he was 12. So naturally they would know more things about Gon then some new character in Gon’s life that only knew him for about a year and a half now.

Not just for bragging rights, or scolding privileges, but the two parent figures in Gon’s life have noticed how serious Gon was getting with Killua. And someone who haven’t known him that long wouldn’t know or notice certain patterns that Kurapika and Leorio have seen or noticed arising with Gon.

Also, if they were going to get any more serious, Killua should know all the flaws of Gon too, not just the good-feel goods Gon’s been showering Killua in.

Gon can be really scary whenever he wants to be.

And they don’t want Killua to be caught off guard by that if Gon suddenly gets upset instead of showing his sunny disposition he usually does when it might be too late.

Plus, everything was going too smoothly. Time to fuck shit up.

==

Kurapika sipped some of his tea, watching Gon and Killua from the kitchen table. The two were currently sitting on the couch, lounging over each other as Killua tried to teach Gon some card game called BS. He thought carefully of how he should get Gon upset and show what Leorio and Kurapika call Gon’s ‘scary face.’ it should be easy enough, they’ve gotten Gon upset over small things. They knew it was the pinnacle of Gon’s worst side, so they knew if Killua saw that, and still wanted to stick around, he’d be ok. He eyed Leorio, who seemed to be thinking of something similar as he watched the two. 

“Killua, I feel like you’re cheating!” Gon laughed a bit. Killua giggled.

“I’m not! You’re supposed to lie and stuff. As long as you don’t catch on, I’m just winning.” Killua laughed, poking Gon’s nose.

“Mm… but you can always tell when I’m lying?” He said with a growing smile.

“I know, that’s what makes this so easy. You can claim to put down 2 3’s and I just have to look you in the eyes long enough and you’d practically tell me that’s bs.” Killua hummed, a coy smile growing himself. Gon’s grinned even wider. 

“I’ll get better!” 

“You know, Gon is actually really good at lying when he wants to be. He could hide something for weeks, without anyone finding out.” Kurapika said innocently from his mug. Gon’s brow furrowed, a frown settling on his lips. 

“I mean, I’m not that good at lying, Kurapika.” He said, somewhat of a pout on his face. Killua raised an eyebrow at Kurapika and Gon’s exchange.

“Well, it’s not always bad to hide something if you have to.” Killua said, shuffling up the cards. “Like for a game… or if you don’t want someone to worry.” Killua said, looking up at Gon. “As long as you promise you can deal with it safely.” Gon turned and smiled fondly at Killua.

“Right… and it can be explained, whenever the time’s right.” Gon said with a nod. Kurapika pulled his lips in his mouth, feeling touched by Killua’s understanding. It was true, there were many things Gon wasn't ready to tell Killua, but Kurapika was happy Killua was understanding. Leorio was also getting a bit teary eyed, maybe that brat wasn’t too bad? … So that just meant Killua really deserved to know Gon’s bad sides as well as his good so he could make an educated decision.

“So then Killua’s hiding something from you, Gon?” Leorio piped in, instigating. Killua’s breath hitched before he glared at that back table.

“Shut up! What the hell, guys, mind your business.” Killua growled. Gon blinked at Killua’s reaction.

“Are you..?” Gon asked with a brow raised. Killua tried not to let the panic show on his face, letting a neutral mask fall over his features and allowing his skilled lying to take over.

“No, Gon. Just, let’s play a different game, ok? You should know go fish at least, right?” He said, decking out the cards on the little cutting board in between them as to play.

“Yea…” Gon said, looking at Killua with a curious gaze. “if you are… I know you’ll tell me when you're ready.” Gon said with a soft smile, putting a hand on top of Killua’s busy hands. Killua’s hands stilled and he looked up at Gon, hoping Gon didn’t feel how sweaty his palms were from nerves. He’s not sure if he could tell Gon one day but… he’s happy Gon wouldn’t push it right now.

“Mh… Thanks Gon.” Killua smiled.

Leorio sniffed his boogers as he struggled not to cry. “These kids are so dumb.”

“Yea… Gon is always so understanding of Killua…” Kurapika smiled tightly.

“We’re gonna have to change that--  to the point of Gon not even trusting Killua.” Leorio said with only a tinge of regret. Kurapika nodded solemnly.

“Yes… we need something more. Go make him angry, Leorio.” Kurapika said looking over at him.

“What.” Leorio spat out. “Why do I have to make Gon, my son, my  _ favorite person _ , mad at  _ me?! _ ” Leorio asked.

“Because you do it most often! Say what you usually say, insult Mito or Ging.” Kurapika said with a growing smile. It was so easy to tease and upset Leorio, it was funny sometimes.

“We’re supposed to be getting him mad at Killua, not me!” Leorio said, lowering his voice.

“We’re supposed to expose Gon’s scary face. Killua doesn’t have to see it directed at him.” Kurapika said in a low voice. Leorio grumbled.

“Ok, ok… I’ll try. But I really don’t get Gon angry as often as you think. He loves me.” Leorio said standing up.

“Ok.” Kurapika said with a disbelieving eye roll. 

Gon gave a slight eye to the two ‘parents’ in the back from his seat. Those two talking quietly to themselves was starting to make him nervous. He didn’t know what they were discussing and that stunt they just pulled was enough to raise some red flags. Killua was also regarding them through his peripheral. When Leorio got up, Killa didn’t take that as a good sign.

“Gon, do you want to go?” He asked under his breath.

“Ok.” Gon said with a smile, putting down the cards. “Thanks for letting us use your cards!” Gon chirped as he piled the stack and shoved it into Leorio’s hands before he could speak.

“W-what?! Are you guys leaving?” Leorio asked, watching Killua stand up and place the cutting board on the kitchen’s island almost silently. “But we agreed you guys would hang out over here whenever Gon’s not working because you’re always so busy otherwise.”

Killua shrugged. “I’m sure you guys don’t want to see us make goo-goo eyes and kissy faces at each other on your couch.”

“S-sure we do…” Leorio said unconvincingly, turning to Kurapika.

“Baby, whether you’re making kissy faces or fighting, we want you here! We miss you…” Kurapika contributed, standing with a head tilt.

“Yea, sure, but there’s something me and Killua have to do anyway.” Gon said with an innocent smile. Killua looked back at Gon with flirty grin. Well, there was  _ now, _ anyways.

“No, come on, you can do that later! I’m sure Mito taught you not to leave company or something, right?” Leorio tried his first attempt. Gon blinked at the sudden mention of his aunt.

“I… well, yea, kinda. Unless she was busy.” Gon said with a raised brow.

“No…! Well, what about…. Ging?” Leorio said next.

“Leorio-”

“Scuse you, Leorio, I don’t appreciate you trying to bother Gon, so we’re gonna go. Bye Mama, bye old man.” Killua said, taking Gon’s hand and heading to the exit. Gon waved over his shoulder, though he gave Leorio a questioning look.

Once they left, Kurapika turned and hit Leorio in the shoulder.

“We have to try a different approach.”

“Well, don’t hit me!”

***

“So who’s Ging?” Killua asked behind the closed door. Gon tensed a bit before smiling easily.

“Well… he’s… my father. Though I didn’t -don’t know him.” Gon said, walking down the hall to the stairs of the apartment building. Killua made an ‘o’ face.

“Oh…” Killua said, and felt awkward to say anything else. He won’t push it, though. They headed back to their apartment.

\---


	16. Through the Fire

Chapter 16

_Through the fire,_ _To the limit, to the wall._ _For a chance to be with you,_ _I'd gladly risk it all._

Gon opened the door to Kurapika’s and Leorio’s place, knowing the other two wouldn’t mind and that they were welcomed intrusions at all times.

“Hey guys, I just need to pick up my work lanyard, I left it here the other day.” Gon said as he spotted the two getting ready to leave for the day themselves.

“Oh! I see, well…” Kurapika half stammered looking over to Leorio. They needed to try and get Gon angry whenever they could at this point, he’s already starting to distrust their intentions, they needed to sneak things in before he just disregards them completely. “I hope both you and Killua have a good day at work.” He ended with.

Gon looked over at Kurapika with a half smile. “You mean me? I’m not taking Killua to work with me today, he’ll be over later.” He said.

“No, no, he has his own work he goes to. It’s only part time, but he has it. He didn’t tell you? He told me and Leorio.” Kurapika blinked innocently.

“He told m-?” Leorio started, but Kurapika elbowed him in the ribs without looking and he wheezed a bit before letting out, “Ya, he even told me.” Gon looked a bit pensive, his eyebrows furrowing a bit. Then he shrugged.

“I’m sure he was just looking for the right time to tell me.” Gon said, turning to go. “I’ll see you guys!”

“Why would he hold on telling you he’s working? It’s just work. And why have no problem telling us? He might be doing something you won’t like where he’s working.” Kurapika shrugged, picking up his school bag. Gon looked over his shoulder, an angry look on his face.

“Thanks, but I think I can handle it.” He said in a steely voice. Then he walked out. Kurapika and Leorio sucked in a breath at the face Gon made.

“Yikes… if he’s gonna handle it with that face, I think we did our job.” Kurapika said to Leorio. He raised on his tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Ya, I just hope Gon knows he has my shoulder to cry on when Killua breaks up with him over it.” Leorio smiled. Kurapika hit him on the shoulder.

“Leorio! We’re not trying to get them to break up, we’re just… putting them through some trials.” Kurapia shrugged.

\----

Gon took an early leave from work to go see Killua by 11. He didn’t want to be aggressive with Killua, since it _was_ just a part time job, but he really… didn’t understand why he didn't’ tell him. Didn’t Gon make himself approachable? Someone Killua could tell anything to and should not be afraid to tell him of?

He opened the door to his home, looking around the general area for his boyfriend. Some pop music came out from the stereo system in the living room while Killua cleaned the kitchen. He glanced up over the counter, his bangs pinned away from his face.

“Oh, Gon! You’re early!” Killua breathed with a smile on his face, getting up and going to his boyfriend. He wore one of Gon’s old shirts, tied in the back as not to drag on the floor and ratty ripped jeans as to not ruin his good clothes.

Gon couldn't stop his smile at seeing Killua like this. Wearing his clothes, cleaning the house that he was so proud of. He wrapped his arms around Killua and pressed their lips together.”Yea, I wanted to talk…” About what, Gon couldn't remember precisely at the moment.

“Talk? I mean, if you wanted to talk, you could have texted me to wait up for you.” Killua said, letting his hands trail down Gon’s arms to link hands.

“Nm… I didn’t really feel like working much…” Gon said, rubbing his nose with Killua’s. He thinks it has something to do with work… “Oh! I remember!” He said, sitting up straighter.

“Ya? What’s that?’ Killua said, bringing them to the couch to sit and talk.

“Did you get a job?” He asked, a serious look on his face.

“Oh, ya, I did.” Killua said, leaning back onto the couch, allowing the couch to hug him for rest. Gon blinked at that.

“You uh… why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, too surprised to sound upset.

“Well, I-” Killua stopped, looking up. “I… didn’t? Well… wow, haha, Gon, I have a part time job at the mall. It sucks, and it’s from 1 to 9 pm.” He smiled. Gon chuckled then threw his head back in a laugh. Killua blushed.

“W-what? Gon, don’t laugh!” Killua protested, smacking his chest lightly.

“S-sorry, I… I was just being… really silly today. But isn’t it the worst? Customers in retail are terrible!” Gon said with  smile. Killua easily returned the smile.

“Ya! My goodness, this one time, this lady literally asked me where the new shirts were and we were both standing right in front of it, like LADY! Look to your left! Stupid!” Killua laughed. Gon grinned, putting an arm around Killua to lay him on his chest.

“Tell me about it! If I had a dollar for every one of those stories…” He hummed. He’s glad he freaked out over nothing.

\-------

Gon rummaged through Kurapika’s cabinet. He grinned when he found the bag.

“Kurapika, Leorio! I’m taking your sugar!” Gon said, picking up the bag. He wanted to make Killua some cookies while he’s at work, since Gon has the day off. But they were out of sugar and he didn’t want to go out to buy more.

“Ooooh! Gon, I didn’t even know you were here!” Kurapika said coming out from Leorio’s home office. “Sugar? What do you need sugar for?”

“For Killua! I want to make him some cookies and I’m out of sugar.” Gon said with a shy rub to the back of his neck.

“Oh, that’s so nice of you Gon…” Kurapika hummed, barely listening when his mind was racing on what scandalizing thing he could tell him to get him to confront Killua with his infamous ‘scary face,’ since he heard that the other one went on by with little fighting. “I feel so bad knowing you’re doing this for him when… he’s started to sleep around again.”

Gon felt the breath get caught in his throat in surprise. But then he shook his head. However lightheaded he might have felt at that moment.

“No way, why would Killua start sleeping around again?” Gon said with a disbelieving chuckle.

“Well, based off what he told me… he doesn’t feel it at home much anymore. Feeling a bit empty and wants to turn to someone who has time for him.” Kurapika said, letting his lies come out easily with a shrug. Gon didn't think he was breathing anymore. Time…? Gon was speeding too much time at work? He leaned against the counter and rubbed at his head, putting down the sugar.

“I… why wouldn’t he tell me..? I…” He muttered. He had to talk to Killua. He could be better!

“Um, maybe he felt guilty knowing you’re trying your hardest? Or felt guilty he has to do it in the first place and doesn’t want you to worry.” Kurapika listed. “But the main problem here I think, is that he doesn't trust you enough to come to you. Doesn’t that upset you? After all you’ve done for him?” Gon furrowed his brow.

“It’s.. probably just alot for him. He doesn’t know what he wants right now..” Gon tried to reason, but even that didn’t make sense. Killua should have at least been straight with him!

“You have to confront this problem straight-on! Don’t give him an excuse! Really… tell him off!” Kurapika tried. He wanted to get Gon angry enough before Killua can even explain himself. With the amount of time Gon will have to his thoughts, the seeds of doubt will make him even angrier. “So… you still need the sugar?” Kurapika asked carefully. Gon shook his head, frowning.

“Just… keep it for now.” He said, going out the door. He _had_ to talk to Killua.

That night as Killua came home, he was a bit worried about Gon. Gon had texted him during work that they need to talk, and Killua was worried that something had happened with Gon. He could barely focus on work and wanted to come home as soon as possible.

He ran up the steps to Gon’s apartment and quickly opened the door, knowing it’d be unlocked if Gon was home.

“Gon?!” Killua cried out, trying to calm himself of his panic. Gon stood up from the couch, eyebrows pointed down angrily. Killua signed out at seeing Gon and seeing he was ok, but then realized he seemed a little angry.

“Killua… I…” He turned his head and took a breath through his nose to calm himself. He couldn’t just… His thoughts have been running away with him all day, but he just wants to hear Killua’s voice. “Have- what have you been doing at work?” He asked in a quiet voice, stepping towards him with a thoughtful look on his face. Killua watched him carefully but stepped to meet him halfway.

“What have I been doing…?” Killua asked to confirm what Gon was asking. He already told him… maybe he meant to ask him about his day? He reached Gon and reached out to run his hands down his arms and link their hands like he often does. “My… today, I was mostly just refolding clothes people unfolded… there were these kids trying to steal things, and I stopped them. The boss liked that, um, I gave a refund once, the boss didn’t like that…” Killua chuckled slightly at the end. Gon frown deepened a bit when he mentioned a boss. Was he telling half truths, talking in some code? The boss was the guy he was seeing on the side and the stuff he liked or didn’t like…?

“Killua, you can tell me whatever! You don’t have to lie to me!” He urged a bit more forcefully, giving a small squeeze to their joined hands. Killua raised an eyebrow, starting to piece a little bit more what was wrong with Gon.

“Lie to you? About what? If I took money out the register…?” Killua said gauging his reaction. “Or, stopped those kids… for the boss?” At the mention of boss, he saw something flash in Gon’s eyes. “Not lie to you about what I do _with_ the boss?” Killua asked trying to keep his voice leveled and not explode on him.

“So you _did_ do something with the boss?” Gon asked, his voice hardening a bit. “You could have just told me, it would have been easier than just… sneaking around! I can quit! I can spend more--” Gon started.

“Gon!” Killua snapped, glaring at him and holding a hand up to stop him. “Are you serious? Are you seriously implying that I… _slept_ with my boss? Why would I do that? I can’t believe- what even gave you that idea? Have I been doing something wrong? Did I wear my uniform weird? I’m not sleeping with anyone! How can I when you can rock me so well in bed every night?” He asked, getting a softer tone at the end, and cupping Gon’s face. He didn’t want Gon so upset anymore, he wanted to see his precious smile again.

Gon melted under Killua’s touch. How could he not, it was _Killua_. He wanted to believe him- why shouldn't he?

“So…. you haven’t started sleeping around again?” He asked, resting his hands over Killua, relishing in the soft skin under his rough palms. He wants to believe him. He doesn’t want Killua to be anyone else’s.

“No, no one’s touched me since we started dating but you…” He murmured softly. “I’m sorry that I made you think I wasn’t faithful…” He put his forehead to Gon’s.

“No, you- you’re as perfect as perfect comes, Killua! I’m sorry I doubted you, I-... I’m sorry…” Gon muttered, pulling him closer. Killua smiled at that, then bent over a bit to get a better look at Gon’s face.

“It’s ok… can I see that stupid smile of yours now?” He asked with a bit of a teasing smile, poking one of Gon’s cheeks where his beautiful dimples deepened in his smile. Gon smiled brightly for him, a small laugh escaping him.

“Yes, Killua… so… you're not upset by how much time I spend at work?” Gon asked. He had a surprise planned fr Killua, and he needed the extra shifts. But if Killua didn’t like it, he could take less. The surprise would come later, but nothing would stop him from doing it.

“Well… I mean… the reason I took the job was because you were spending so much time at work and I didn’t have anything else to do without you, so I guess it’s not much trouble…” Killua shrugged, looking down and playing with Gon’s shirt hem. He didn’t want to bother Gon with his self request just because Killua wanted more time with Gon.

“But… I mean, you aren’t… you don’t feel lonely here? I satisfy you enough when I am here?” Gon asked, lifting Killua’s head with a gentle finger under Killua’s chin. Killua blushed. Why does Gon always make him confess such embarrassing things?

“I… if I get too lonely, I go to Kurapika’s and Leorio’s… And of course you way more than satisfy me when you’re here, I feel like you never left when we’re together, it never feels lacking.” He smiled, putting his hands over Gon’s on his face. Gon let out a relieved sigh as he smiled again.

“Ok.. That's good. Could you do me a favor, Killua?” Gon asked with a head tilt.

“Yea?” Killua asked, letting his hands trail over Gon’s arms, distractedly.

“Could you… say how much you love me everyday? Just for a while.” He muttered, head ducking a bit. Killua blinked, and a felt a squeeze in chest. He felt a little hurt, not necessarily for himself but for Gon. That Gon was feeling so insecure... Of course Killua would make sure Gon knows how much he’s loved. His heart hurts because Gon has so much love to give, and maybe Killua hasn’t been showing nearly enough.

“Of course, Gon.” Killua hummed, running his hands up Gon’s chest before putting his hands under Gon’s chin to lift his head and give him a kiss. “I love you… so much…” He said between kisses. Gon hummed lightly, pulling closer at Killua. Maybe Gon was being selfish, and needy, but… but he felt like he needed him like this.

Just for a short while.

\----------

Leorio sneered into the air as he rubbed up Kurapika’s back. They just heard about Killua defusing Gon _again_.

“This isn’t working, Gon loves Killua too much! Gon would believe anything Killua defends himself with before he would shout and blame him for anything.” He said.

“I know… maybe we shouldn’t be doing this?” Kurapika said, looking down at his boyfriend. Geez, the kids they worry about late into the night.

“No, we have to. We see how serious Gon’s getting, if he wants to make things more serious, it’ll be harder for Killua to get out if he wants to.” Leorio said. “Once he knows how scary Gon can get like we know he can get scary, and still wants to stay with him.. We’ll let them be.” He nodded.

“Fine… then if Gon going for Killua won’t work, let’s try Killua to go for Gon.” Kurapika hummed.

\-------- 

“So I heard about Gon…” Kurapika hummed, chopping up some peppers for a salsa dip to eat during their movie night. Hopefully, this will go as planned on the night they’re all free. “How he accused you of sleeping around again.”

“Is he still on that? I don’t want him to feel bad about that anymore…” Killua said, putting the knife down. Killua glanced around trying to find Gon. Maybe he should tell him how much he loves him a bit more today?

“Well, I just wanted to say… most times, when your partner is accusing you of something, or scared you’re doing it, it’s because they’re doing it themselves. They try to turn it around on the other and make themselves a victim so that they’re never accused.” Kurapika said. Killua stilled and turned to him with wide eyes.

“G… Gon would never. He’s not… like that. There’s no way he would. And he definitely wouldn’t blame me just so that I thought he wasn’t.” Killua affirmed. Kurapika pulled a face.

“But how well do you really know him? Besides, people change. He goes to that bar and is exposed to all those pretty people who could easily coerce gullible Gon into a night with them.” Kurapka shrugged. Killua huffed out as he ran a hand through his hair. That made sense, it was all probable. But it made too much sense… and covered too many bases. For one thing, he knows he doesn’t know Gon that well… and he could change, but there would have to be some sort of noticeable gradual change. He knows Gon sucks at lying and he wears his emotions at the sleeves. He would have slipped with something if he was sleeping around.

Kurapika didn’t like how quiet Killua was being, it meant he was thinking, and Killua was smart enough, he could figure something out.

“When was the last time you visited his work? Noticed any one hanging around Gon a bit more? Has he been coming home later?” Kurapika asked. Killua turned to him. Those were nice questions, guided his thinking. He needs more information.

“Gon?” Killua called into the apartment.

“No, baby-” Kurapika sighed.

“Yes, Killua!” Gon called from the bedroom, hopping out despite Leorio’s cries for him to stay. He went to the kitchen and leaned against the counter. Killua smiled briefly, then pouted.

“Today, I saw a puppy die.” He whimpered. Kurapika raised an eyebrow. Gon took on a look of horror.

“Oh no! I’m sorry, Killua…” He said in a sorrowful voice, going to Killua’s side and holding hm. Killua rested his head in his neck before looking up at him.

“Gon… where do puppies go when they die?” He asked with innocent wide eyes. Gon blinked down at him with slightly wide eyes.

“You… haha, you don’t know?” He asked with a nervous chuckle. It would make sense, Gon knows Killua was somewhat sheltered his whole life. 

“No, Gon… do they go somewhere nice?” Killua asked, with all the feigned innocence he had.

“Y-well, yes! Its… they go somewhere with a big field! And a nice house with a couple who loves and takes care of them… and they can run for hours…” Gon explained, his tone pitchy in the way it gets when he tries to lie. Killua’s smile grew as Gon explanation continued.

“You're lying…!” Killua chuckled. Gon gaped at him.

“I’m- not, I’m not, Killua!” Gon cried, his voice climbing pitch a bit. He cleared his throat. “I’m sure the puppies go somewhere nice.” He said, lowering his voice.

“Ah, I see. I believe you, because you know I’d believe anything you’d say. Cause you'll always tell me the truth.” Killua patted his face and turned out of his embrace to cut up more salsa ingredients. Gon scrunched up his lip then jostled Killua a bit.

“Ok, so Killua, I haven't actually… I don’t know where puppies go, but I saw a movie that said all puppies go to heaven, so.” He explained, leaning his head on Killua’s back. Gon’s sincere voice was less ‘storytelling like’ than his lying voice. Killua chuckled and turned back to Gon to give him a kiss.

“That’s so cute, you’re so innocent.” He laughed. “Thank you, that’ll do.” He said. He got all the information he’d want. Killua would never want Gon to think he was doubting his faithfulness, so if this roundabout way was the way to go, Killua’ll take it. All he had to do was ask Gon about his day and it was like Killua walked with Gon through his whole time at work. He still didn’t lie well and his truth telling voice was as obvious as his lies.

Kurapika gaped at Killua as Gon shrugged and went back to Leorio. How sneaky. Well, that scratched Killua off their list. He was too smart. Gon, the more emotional one, would have to be the one to lay it on him.

\---------

_Through the fire, Through whatever, come what may. For a chance at loving you, I'd take it all the way! Right down to the wire,_ _Even through the fire._ (Through the Fire- Chaka Khan)


	17. Quiet

Chapter 17

_ I like it here beside you dear, You're even more than you appear, And in the clouds my head is clear Every time you say hello. _

“So, have you done anything nice for Killua recently?”

Gon glanced at Leorio with a wary eye. Recently, whenever’s Gon’s over, all they have to say is something about what Killua said. ‘He told me this, I heard that.’ It gave Gon a stomachache, and he wasn't sure how much of it he could take today.

“Leorio...” He started in a sigh and Leorio’s eyebrows wiggled unconvincingly.

“What, I’m just saying! He was talking about how much of a kid you were all the time at home. He practically had to take care of you!” He started and Gon frowned again. There was no way that was true! They share the chores all the time! Well, maybe Killua did it more, since he had more time… but Gon did what he could! Did Killua really hold it against him..? Well, Gon can talk to  _ Killua _ about it later, so they can get it straightened out. Gon doesn't want to seem like a burden to him.

“Yea, ok Leorio--”

“Yea, and how you were such a mess to clean up after. That your upbringing was just trash. A real hick.” Leorio said. Gon felt his blood boil. There was definitely no way Killua said that!

“Leorio!” Gon half shouted, glaring at him darkly. Leorio’s lips seem to seal. “I don’t know if you're making this up or what, but I don't appreciate--”

“Hey, don’t bring it up to me! I heard it from Killua.” Leorio said, not wanting to be the one under Gon’s angry look. Gon clenched his jaw, the muscle working under his skin. He turned in a huff. He was tired of whatever game Leorio and Kurapika has been playing and he’s seriously thinking about not coming around anymore. The only reason he hasn't stopped coming was because they were really close friends. He’ll have to think. 

He just needs to see Killua.

***

Killua was coming home for lunch a couple hours later. Since Kurapika’s practically given his car to Killua to go to work with, Killua’s been going and leaving a lot more efficiently. But Killua wants his--  _ their _ own car soon. He opened the door to Kurapika and Leorio’s place. As much as he didn’t like the idea of it recently, Gon was most likely to be here during the day than at home, though he’s starting to think they should visit this place less often. But right now, all he wants for lunch is Gon’s hugs.

“I’m here…!” He sighed out.

“Sorry, Gon’s not here now. He left in a rush.” Leorio said from his spot on the couch.

“Oh, seriously?!” Killua piped with a cheerful smile. “See ya!” He cried and made haste to leave.

“Yea, he was complaining about how much of a slob you are! Has to spend all day just cleaning your messes.” He said so Killua could hear. Killua paused in his momentum to shut the door, turning what Leorio said over in his head.

“That’s not true, old man, there’s no way Gon would think I’m making a mess of his place.” Killua scoffed, opening the door a bit to glare at the guy.

“Yea? Well, he’s pretty intent on complaining about you whenever he’s here. Talking about how spoiled and lazy you are.” He said with a shrug. Killua bristled, the words getting in his head a bit and flashed his eyes at Leorio.

“Shut up! No, he doesn’t, that’s something you’d say!” He sneered. He didn’t have to stay here for this! He had half a mind to nic their car for this. He turned and slammed the door on the way out to get to Gon. 

Leorio cringed into the paper he was reading. He just had to keep reminding himself this was for the best. 

Killua drove over to their apartment, maybe going just a  _ little _ over the speed limit. He swung open the door.

“Gon?!” He cried, internally cringing at how angry that outburst sounded. Gon jumped from doing the dishes in the kitchen. He was hoping some mindless work would keep his mood off of him, but it just went to remind him how Killua didn't think he helped around the house and he ended up scrubbing with the intent to prove him wrong.

“Killua?” He asked, surprised to see Killua bust into the house like that. Seeing him already had him in a better mood, but his outburst had him thinking Killua was upset with him. Which wouldn't be crazy if he just came from their friends’ place.

Killua threw the keys onto the couch as he approached the counters. He scanned the almost cleared sink.

“IS this too hard for you to clean? Gon?” Killua asked, looking up at Gon. Gon looked shocked, like he was slapped in the face before he set his brow angrily.

“I  _ am _ cleaning, Killua!” Gon said back, holding down his voice.

“I get that, but you don’t have to go to Leorio to complain about me if you think I’m making too many messes. Or how spoiled I am. There are some things I don’t get right away because of how I grew up, but I didn’t mean to bother you with it or upset you…” Killua said, hating how his voice shook slightly. Gon looked upset until Killua began saying things like he was bothering him. Gon rounded the counter and pulled Killua into a hug.

“Killua, no, you don’t make messes! You clean up  _ mine _ , I’m the one that doesn't help… I’m sorry I made you think you’re bothering me…” Gon tried to comfort Killua. “I’ll work harder to do more work… and seem less messy. I’m sorry I seem so…” He huffed quietly. Maybe he wasn’t good enough for Killua. Killua came from this amazing background, and Gon was just… an island boy. 

“What do you-...” Killua started, cupping Gon’s face, reaching up from Gon’s embrace. He set his lips into a line. “Did you talk to Leorio?”

“I… yes?” Gon said, confused. Killua sighed, leaning his head on his chest.

“What did he tell you?”

“That… you said the way I was raised was trash… and I never help around the house.” Gon said and held his breath, hoping Killua really did deny it. Even if really Killua did say it, if Killua denies it now, Gon can pretend he didn't.

“Baby, what- no way! I don’t think that! That’s not true, I don’t even know how you were raised, but if the way you were raised is trash, then how did you come out so wonderful? Your upbringing is why you are how you are, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I love you, my stupid Gon…” Killua said, pulling their foreheads together. “I could care less if you don’t help around the house. I don’t care that much about it, it's just a building. You’re home…” He said. Gon could feel his chest lighten. He had no idea why he would ever doubt Killua. Killua loves him, he would never say those things.

“I love you too, Killua.. You aren't spoiled, or making messes… you’re the best thing to happen to me… and my house!” Gon added in a laugh. He brushed his nose against Killua’s before giving him a quick kiss. “I love you.” He said.

“I love you…” Killua hummed, nuzzling noses again. “Let’s stop going to their house for a while, huh? I think they’re going through a rough patch in their relationship and they’re taking it out on us. I’m gonna get us a car.” Gon nodded then blinked at Killua mentioning a car.

“A- car? That’s alot of money though?” Gon said with a nervous smile. He finally had enough money to do the thing he wanted, though it won’t be anything fancy. But if Killua wanted to get a car, he’d give all the money he saved to help him.

“It’s ok, I’ll deal with it.” He smiled, pulling back. “I love you lots, ok? Don’t doubt that.” Killua nodded.

“Ok, I love you too. Don’t you forget it.” He chuckled and kissed Killua forehead. Killua smiled. How did he get so lucky to score something like this out of such a shitty life he made for himself?

“Let’s go to bed!” Gon said innocently enough, pulling Killua along by their joined hands. Killua blinked surprised for a bit then started cracking up.

“Gon, I’m only home for lunch!” He laughed, covering his mouth, his cheeks turning a bit pink from Gon’s “innocent suggestion.”

“Oh? I better give you something good to eat!” Gon hummed. Killua shivered at that, his eyes darkening a bit.

“Gon…” Killua said warningly.

“Killua?” Gon said with a cheeky smile, pulling him into their bedroom.

“Fine…” Killua chuckled darkly before pulling Gon around to smash their lips together, pushing them backwards onto the bed. Gon easily fell into Killua’s pace, much too used to his rough moves in the bed. There was nothing more he wanted then to feel Killua’s rough hands on his body.

\----

“No.” Killua stated like it was obvious, watching the pizza pockets in the microwave rotate slowly.

“Come on, baby, you guys haven’t been over in 2 weeks! We miss you.” Kurapika said, voice fuzzy from the phone. Killua snorted.

“I don’t know, are you and Leorio still fighting?”

“What? Fighting- we were never fighting.”

“Really…?” Killua hummed, standing up straighter. “Mmmh… why should we come over?”

“We love you? And… we have chocolate!”

Killua lit up before he frowned.

“You think that’s all it takes? Gon doesn’t even like chocolate.” Killua scoffed.

“Come on! I don’t think it’s very fair you’re hogging Gon when we raised him. He’s our very close friend and we want to see him too! And I miss you. Our shopping outings and lunch dates.”

Killua scuffed the floor with his shoe.

“I mean… I miss that too, but you guys were so weird a couple weeks ago.”

“Sorry! We were just trying to make sure communications were good between you two!”

“But most times, you guys weren’t even telling us the truth of what the other said!”

“I… we misunderstood. But we promise we had the best intentions. Look, why don’t you guys come over. You’re both off tomorrow, we can have a sleepover tonight. Please? It’ll be like before.”

Killua scrunched his nose, then looked over the kitchen counter to where Gon was sitting on the couch in the living room.

“I’ll ask Gon, and see what he says. We’ll think about it.”

“Ok, tell us if you’re coming! We wanna make preparations.” Killua didn’t really like the way he said that but…

“Ok.” He sighed. “See ya, pika.” He said, then hung up. Kurapika hung up the phone too.

“No, thank you baby. You might just see Gon’s scary face just yet.” Kurapika hummed.

“What he said, Pika?” Leorio asked.

“I have a plan. We should try to put truths in our claims, and work on both of them at the same time! So when they’re yelling at each other, it’s about actual opinions they have. They might come over tonight, but tonight, we need to be on our best behavior. We’ll save the plan for tomorrow, ok?” Kurapika asked. Leorio nodded, only half getting it.

“Right!”

Kurapika evil smiled with his boyfriend.

Killua hopped over to the couch.

“Gon.” He said, knee walking to him with the pizza pockets balanced in his hands. Gon looked over and covered his mouth in a laugh.

“Yea?’

“Kurapika invited us for a sleepover… did you want to go?” Gon frowned but thought about it. He really has been missing them. But…

“Are they still gonna be weird?”

“He… actually never said those exact words, but he said it’ll be like before. I’m a little apprehensive, but if you’re willing, I’ll follow.” He nodded. Gon rubbed his cheek. They… it couldn't be  _ terrible _ , right? One night, they’ll be together. How bad could it be?

“I guess we can go catch up.” He said with a small smile.

“Ok, lets go.” Killua chuckled. They made the moderate walk to their friend’s house in the late night. Killua ended up forgetting to tell them beforehand, but that just led to laughs and group effort to make a floor bed and all pile their bodies together, relishing in their hard work to make it. They ate some food and watched a movie in which the two younger males couldn’t stay up through, falling asleep on each other’s shoulder.

A cute sight Leorio and Kurapika had to mess up. They were scarred by and exposed to Gon’s scary face so often, they felt it unfair Killua hadn’t seen it yet.

\----

Gon skipped in at around 9. He was honestly happy he could start spending time at Kurapika’s place again. He missed his mom friend. He flopped on the couch, thinking about the dinner he didn't have to make and smiled.

“Pika! Is dinner ready soon?”

“Yes, baby… I’m so happy we can all go over each other’s houses again! I missed you!” Kurapika said.

“Me too! It’s been too crazy the past few weeks to not!” Gon said over his shoulder. They’ve been acting normal for about a week now. Gon can finally breathe easy.

“Ya… well I mean, everyone’s house except for Killua’s… isn’t weird how he doesn’t let us go there? At all? And won’t give an explanation?”

There goes that easy breathing function.

“It’s because he doesn't like his house. It’s not someplace for us to go.” Gon said in a simple tone, trying to keep it straight forward and end the conversation there.

“He’s said _ that _ much to you? And I think if you guys get any more serious, you should at least meet his family once. Isn’t it unfair?” Kurapika asked. Gon sighed.

“Well… when the time comes, Killua will let me meet his family. I’ll meet them when we-- need to forward our relationship. It’ll be fine.”

“I mean, assuming he’ll let you. I don’t think he’ll let you even if you  _ beg _ .” Kurapika sucked in bit of a pitying breath. Gon pouted.

“He would! I’ll ask him when he gets here. You’re just being silly, Pika.” Gon said, laying his head down.

“Ok…!” Kurapika hummed happily, because he knows for a fact Killua would not. Kurapika texted Leorio to get to Killua. Leorio texted back the OK. As Killua came up to the entrance of the apartment building, Leorio sat out there on the steps, drinking a beer. Killua raised a teasing eyebrow.

“They’ll call the cops on a drunkard loitering out in a kid friendly neighborhood.” Killua chuckled, walking up the steps past him.

“Hey, shut up! How was work?” Leorio asked, turning.

“It was fine, I’ve almost saved up enough to get a little something for Gon and me.” He smirked, turning back to talk to him.

“Yea? That’s sweet. When you gonna give it him? After the house visit? During?” He asked taking a swig.

“The-” Killua’s mind blanked and he felt his heart slowly thudding in his heart. His brain registered what he said. “The what?” He asked. Maybe he was talking about some event Gon mentioned and he wasn’t listening?

“The- visit to your house? Gon insists that you guys are gonna visit soon? Maybe he hasn't run it by you yet?” Leorio said, his lip to the rim of the can.

“My… hahaha. No, Gon’s not going to my house, and he never said he was going to go. He’s not gonna. That’s it.” Killua said, a bit of a bite in his voice. Leorio held his hands up in surrender.

“Hey, you’re the boss. Just, tell Gon, he might have the wrong idea. Though I’m sure he’s gonna wanna go no matter what you say.”

Killua bristled and felt his blood running cold at the thought.

“Thanks, will do.” He said with quiet ice. He turned to go inside.

When Gon hears Killua come in, Gon hops up onto his knees to see him.

“Killua! Hi, welcome back!” He hummed, a somewhat nervous feeling churning in his stomach. Killua eyed him from the door before moving in with a smile. He won’t have to address it if Gon doesn’t.

“Hey, Gon… when’s dinner ready?” He asked Kurapika.

“Very soon… just gotta wait for the tea to boil over…” Kurapika said, stirring something.

“Mh…” Killua hummed, taking off his jacket and sitting next to Gon.

“Hey, so uh, how was your day?” Gon asked, taking Killua’s hand.

“Real good… I mean relatively. I want to quit soon.” He shrugged, rubbing his thumb over Gon’s hand.

“Oh? Well, that’s fine, you didn’t really have to take one up. So, you know I was thinking…” Gon said, his lip curling into a smile. Killua stilled his fingers and looked up at Gon. Kurapika felt the temperature drop and kinda wished he wasn’t in here. Leorio slipped in through the front door. Gon paid no mind to the seeming change in demeanor or temperature.

“Maybe one of these days we could have a visit to your place? Maybe grab a lunch there or a sleepover?” Gon said with a smile. Killua gave a smile back.

“No.” He said with finality in his voice, he wasn’t about to carry this conversation. Gon blinked in surprise.

“Well, I understand if you don’t want to do it like… anytime soon, but eventually right? We’d go home to see your parents?” Gon asked again, squeezing Killua’s hand a bit.

“Gon, no. Drop it.” Killua said with a bit of a chuckle, but the serious intent hidden beneath the tone. Gon frowned a bit more.

“Killua, are you saying I’ll never see your family, ever?” He asked.

“Yea, that’d be ideal.” Killua rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to, you have no reason to, so you never will.” He nodded.

“My reason would be… to meet them! I- don’t want to have a reason! I want to go!” Gon said shaking his head.

“Wha- Gon, why though?” Killua asked, turning more fully to him.

“Because if I want to go, I want to know I’d be able to go! So that I can meet your family! It's your family, Killua!” Gon said with a tinge of frustration.

“Gon-  _ I _ don’t even want to meet my family, why do you? I would just like it if you never have to see or meet any of them ever. It’s really no big deal, really. There’s a reason I moved in with you.” Killua said, crossing his arms, leaning back into the couch and looking away, trying to end the conversation.

“Killua! I--” Gon huffed and stood. He was starting to feel frustrated or  _ something _ and he didn't even know why. He felt angry that Killua would never… let him into that part of his life. For anything! “You have to be kidding! I know you don’t want to be in contact with them, or whatever, but we can at least go if I wanted? Why don’t you want to go?” He asked with clenched fists.

“No way, Gon, that’s… I don’t want them to know you, to see your face, to meet you and be able to be… themselves! No, you don’t.. Get it, but I never thought I’d I have to explain this to you!” Killua cried, also standing up. “I never thought I’d have to explain to you what makes me uncomfortable about me or my family because you’d understand! I didn’t…!” He turned away at the last sentence and gave his back to Gon.

“But- Killua I want to understand! That’s the thing, of all the things I understand about you, it’s your past I don’t get! What makes you afraid of moving past your family or whatever it is they… might do? And I won’t be able to if you don't talk to me! I want to be understanding, but I didn't think that if I ever asked all I’d get was  _ no _ !” Gon said pleadingly.

“Gon, I don’t…” Killua breathed in trying not to panic. His mind was running too fast away from him, between listening to Gon, trying to think of what to say to dissuade Gon, thinking of everything his family could do, would do, will do if they ever met Gon had him panicking. He continued trying his breathing as he noted his breathing picking up. “Gon, I don’t want them to… hurt you…” Killua said, turning his head a bit over his shoulder, barely giving Gon his profile.

Gon could feel his heart breaking in two, and he suddenly felt like an idiot. Wasn't he just being prideful? Pushing Killua too far too fast? Gon still didn't understand a lot of things, but… Killua would explain them wouldn't he?

“Its ok, Killua, I…” Gon stepped forward to hold Killua and wasn't sure if Killua wanted him to. “I don’t know why you think they’d hurt me, but they won’t! I… just want to understand more, to know if we needed to… we could go..” He shrugged lamely.

“No, Gon, we don’t... I don’t want us to ever have to go- for  _ you _ to go there… I just… can’t believe you were being this selfish…” He huffed, crossing his arms, taking steps away from Gon. Gon made a noise of indignation.

“Selfish?” Gon echoed in slight shock. Maybe he was being pushy, but he didn't think he was being selfish.

“Ya, Gon, ever look up the definition?” Killua said turning back to him. “Not thinking of others’ feelings just to get what you want?”

“I-- I! Killua! What the-- I didn't do that? At all?” Gon said in disbelief, gesturing between them angrily. “I didn’t even-- it’s not like I’m dragging you to your house!” He said, his voice raising.

“But you wanted to! You were asking me something without regarding my feelings. Even when I told you I don’t want to go- it wasn’t like it was  _ your house, or your family _ , it was mine and you didn't even listen that I didn’t want to go. It’s not like I was saying ‘no’ to seeing your family!” Killusa said, his voice rising to match Gon’s volume.

“Killua, I did listen to you! Or I’m trying to! But half the time, all I get is vague half lies, and fucking-- curves!” Gon shouted, then turned, running his hands through his hair, breathing through his nose. Killua cringed at the shouted curse. Gon needed to calm down. Yelling at Killua wasn't gonna get him anywhere. “I don’t even want to go to your fucking house!” He half mumbled.

“Lies? Gon, I can’t- if you don’t want to go to my house, then why the hell did you mention it!” Killua said, lowering his volume since he didn’t want Gon shouting anymore. Killua wasn’t telling Gon everything because Killua was scared if he told Gon what’s the situation with his family and himself, Gon would leave him. Freak out or shy away. Everything would change.

“Because I wanted to know I could! If I ever wanted to or needed to, that you’d take me to your house.” Gon said, turning back around, talking more calmly. “I- don't know how to explain this, but knowing I could never ever be able to go,  _ ever _ , and not even know why? I just… I feel like…!” Gon strained, and turned again. He didn't even know what he was saying. Maybe he was just being an idiot, a selfish idiot, but he wanted all of Killua, and he couldn't have that if Killua kept things to himself!

“Gon… I… I can’t give you that if I knew you might go one day. I can’t have you going there… any of you.” Killua said, turning to address the others too in case they were going to get any ideas. “Just… promise me you won’t ever try to go and I can tell you, in times of emergencies… you can go.” Killua said, breathing out at the end. Gon turned around with somewhat wide eyes.

“I… wha- of course Killua, why would I try to go without you, I’d only want to go when you’re ready! I won’t try to go.” Gon said with a growing smile. Maybe this was step one of getting Killua to open up.

“Promise…?” Killua asked, stepping closer, hating his own growing smile. Why was Gon’s smile so contagious anyways?

“I promise…” Gon said pulling Killua into his arms. He hated fighting with Killua. Killua breathed out a sigh of relief. That was another bullet dodged in having to tell Gon his past. He put his head on Gon’s shoulder.

Kurapika and Leorio cooed at the scene before putting their heads together.

“Did you see Gon’s scary face?” Kurapika asked.

“Close, but no cigar.” Leorio mumbled back.

“Eeechh… too bad.. We’ll have to try again.” Kurapika muttered. Gon’s ears perked as he heard the two adults muttering to themselves before turning up and glaring at them, the anger clear on his face and hardening his features dangerously. He was still in a pretty bad mood.

“And you two…” He ground out in a deep voice. “I don’t know what game you guys are playing, but if you guys expect us to come around here anymore, I suggest you knock it off.” He warned. 

Leorio and Kurapika paled and nodded. Darn. They got scary face, and Killua had no such luck. Gon really did have a soft spot for him.

Killua blinked at the tone Gon spoke in, the deep tone vibrating Killua’s chest. This was their doing? He had to talk to them about this. He gave them a side eye as he put his face in Gon’s neck. He let out soft assurances into Gon’s neck to calm him.

Gon looked down at his kitten, kissing the top of his head, love clear in his eyes. Leorio and Kurapika stared at the scene, half happy and mostly unsatisfied.

\----

Leorio and Kurapika were both surprised to see Killua’s text a couple days later to have lunch. The texts were a little weird, only revealing information like when and where. Kurapika and Leorio was surprised that those two would want a lunch date when a suspicious and upsetting incident just happened not too long ago. But they would take it.

Leorio and Kurapika muttered to each other at the small indoor restaurant as they wondered what this could be about, and if they could use it to their advantage. They didn’t even notice the silent steps of the white haired male approaching the table.

Killua slammed his hands on the table before he sat down, making the other two jump.

“Ok, you two. Spill it.” He growled out, pinning them both with piercing glares.

“Wh-what? Where’s Gon?” Leorio asked. He thought they were both gonna be there! And maybe if Gon was here, Killua wouldn’t be so piercing and harsh. Killua’s killer glare landed on Leorio and he felt 2 years of his life got shaved off from the look alone.

“I told him it started a little later, so I had time to properly figure out what the hell it is you two are doing to us! You two need to spill what the heck is going on!”

“We...”Leorio looked at Kurapika, who just shrugged. “Don’t know what you’re talking about?” Leorio tried to go for innocent. This could ruin plans.

“Shut up.” Killua snapped. “You both know what I’m talking about. And it’s been bothering Gon. If you guys don’t spill it now, I won’t hesitate to cut you both out of me and Gon’s life. This is toxic, and we don’t need it, I just want to know why.” He sneered.

Kurapika and Leorio exchanged looks before sighing, nodding.

“We’ve been trying to prepare you, kind of arm you with all the knowledge that is Gon. He doesn’t seem like it, but he can get hot tempered. He doesn’t get there easily, but once it goes, he really… explodes. We’ve grown up with him and seen how angry he can get. And this is the first time he’s had anyone in his life he was this committed to, we won’t know how he’ll react if he gets that angry with  _ you _ . We want you to see that before anything gets too serious.” Kurapika said. Killua’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Seriously? That’s it? I know how hot Gon can get, and I saw how angry he gets.” Killua shrugged.

“Well, you’ve seen Gon angry, but you haven’t seen him  _ angry _ . Trust us, he has a face that lets you know you’re there. He almost did it during that home argument, but he calmed down first.” Leorio explained. Killua furrowed his eyebrows.

“Well, it can’t be that scary, it’s just a face…” Killua murmured, but he had to admit, his curiosity was piqued.

“And that’s up to you to decide, but we’d like you to see it first. So you can go in with all the facts.” Kurapika said with a nod. Killua sighed a bit.

“W-well… what have you guys done to try to get him angry? Just those fake lies and the thing about the house?” He asked.

“Yea, we tried just confusing you guys but it seems you guys are pretty good at clearing misunderstandings.” Leorio grumbled. “The closest to things getting messy was the house stuff. Most stuff dealing directly to you had Gon angry.” He said. 

“Ok, well...” Killua took a breath. “I’ll help you guys do it. I’ll help you guys show Gon’s ‘scary’ face.” Killua said. “I don’t think it’s going to be as bad as you think, but if it’ll get you guys to stop, I’ll do it.” He nodded. They seem to immediately brighten up, pleased with the turn of events.

“Yea! Ok, so remember, honey, if it does become too much for you, since this something you're gonna be living with for a while, and you want to get out, you know who you can turn to.” Kurapika said with a smile.

“Ok… you guys are so dramatic! If you have to go through this much trouble to get Gon angry, don’t you think this won’t be a problem?” He asked.

“One would think, but anything can happen while you guys are together. We don’t know how long you guys will be in this honeymoon phase.” Kurapika replied. Killua ‘pbblt’ sinking in his chair a bit. He hated the thought of having to make Gon angry on purpose. But it’s suppose to help, so… “Just remember how much he loves you when you see it, baby, and hopefully, it doesn't get too bad.” Kurapika said with a hand to his heart.

“You can do this kid.” Leorio said, shaking Killua’s shoulder encouragingly. Killua squinted at them like they were crazy.

“You both need to take a chill pill.” He chuckled, looking down at the table as he rummaged his brain for thoughts on how to get Gon going.

Soon, Gon was coming in through the doors of the café, all bustling sunshine that Killua loves, a bright smile on his face. Killua returned the bright smile, nearly forgetting that Kurapika and Leorio was there, what the plan was, he damn nearly forgot there was anyone else on the planet. How could he make the love of his life mad? Well, he knew how, but he didn’t want to do it.

“Hey, guys! Hi, Killua!” Gon smiled, pulling Killua closer to him and kissing his cheek and takes his seat. Killua smiled against the affection, his cheeks turning red. Leorio and Kurapika smiled fondly at that. “What we talking about?” Gon didn’t really want to hang out with Kurapika and Leorio so early after their last stunt, but it was Killua idea, and he seemed like he knew what he was doing, so he was happy to oblige.

“Well,” Killua started before the other two could start, and was satisfied with Gon’s full attention on him. “I was just talking to Leorio, and now that I think about it, I think I actually slept with Leorio before!” Killua said. Gon blinked, some color leaving his face as he processed this. Killua worked to keep his expression neutral and conversational, even when Leorio made the most hilarious and outraged face ever.

“Yea?” Gon asked, turned to look at Leorio, who put away the face to try his best and go along with it.

“Er-” Leorio stammered.

“Yea, I definitely remember, not too long before I met you, a drunk night, sleeping with someone like Leorio. We were all just talking about fucks, and our stories were kinda aligning. I’m sure that was Leorio’s spindly fingers on my body that night.” Gon’s attention came off Leorio back to Killua when Killua spoke again, and the only thing Killua saw as a sign of an upset Gon was the crease in his forehead and the darkening of his eyes. Then his head was whipping around to Leorio.

“You  _ touched _ Killua?” He let out in a low growl. Killua watched as both Leorio and Kurapika’s face paled, and Kurapika hid his face behind his hands to avoid the brunt of it. Leorio was in trouble, not him. But the angle Gon’s face was at when looking at Leorio was too tilted away from Killua to see. He bent forward trying to see Gon’s face. He must be making it, right?

“No, no! I never slept with him, I swear Gon!”

“Why would Killua lie to me? Killua!” Gon said, turning back to Killua and nearly smacking foreheads. Killua let out a small surprised exhale but Gon didn’t seem to notice. Gon looked more distressed than anything. “Did you really sleep with Leorio?”

“Er…” Killua blinked, looking over at Kurapika who was leaning over the table to peak at Gon’s face. Then he was shaking his hands and head ‘no,’ as in ‘no that wasn’t anything close to the scary face.’

“Yea, he was pretty drunk so I’m sure he wouldn’t remember…!”

“See?!” Gon let out darkly again, his face again away from Killua.

“No, Gon!” Leorio cried, no longer with the plan. “I would never sleep with that brat!”

“Don’t call Killua a brat!” Gon growled, standing up from his seat. Killua was practically crawling on the table trying to see Gon’s face. As soon as he started to see a more visible profile of Gon’s darkened face, Gon looked down at Killua with cute curiosity.

“Baby, what are you doing?” He asked, regarding Killua half on the table. Killua blushed and sat back down.

“Nothing, Leorio didn’t sleep with me, I just wanted you to be mean to him, because he called me a brat again.” He made up, thinking. That was weird, Gon definitely purposely didn’t show him the face. And it was very possible that seeing Killua was enough to diffuse Gon down from being ‘scary face’ angry, which proposed a contradiction in and of itself if Killua’s suppose to get him to that level. Now he was really curious as to what his face would look like when really mad.

Was it bad that the challenge excited Killua?

***

_Tell me when you feel ready, I'm the one, there's not too many. Hold my hand to keep me steady, Just to be quiet_ (Quiet- Lights)


	18. Pit of Vipers

Chapter 18

_ Now I must admit that I have played a part In the way that things have gotten out of hand. But it's escalated almost to an art, I wanna fix it but I don't think I can  _ (Pit of Vipers- Simon Curtis)

Killua didn’t know how this happened. He decided to try what Kurapika and Leorio said and make Gon angry, so he decided to go with a bluff: he’d break up with Gon and leave. He didn’t know how well it’d work, and he knew it’d be shitty to say afterwards, he was just kidding, but hey, Gon can’t stay mad at him, right? He just knew him leaving was a touchy topic for Gon since Killua had decided to move in. Plus, who wants their significant other to leave them? He didn’t know how angry Gon would get, though. They were both shouting, Killua crying with conviction that he would, and Gon shouting angrily that he won’t. He can’t. He won’t let him.

Killua wasn’t seeing any scary face, so he made a move for the door. Back up words with action. That’s when things took a surprising turn for Killua. His head yanked backwards as a fistful of his hair was pulled back into the house. He lost his footing and fell onto his butt, but that didn’t stop Gon from dragging him further in.

“No. You’re. Not!” Gon had growled, in an almost unrecognizable dark deep voice. Killua was surprised, and the pinching pain on his head was so sharp, he couldn't even think what to do- just shouting out for Gon to stop.

It was only after Gon threw him onto the bed that he was able to see his face. His scary face.

HIs jaw set so hard, it gave him a rugged look, his eye so dark, Killua couldn’t find his honey hue sunshine boyfriend in them at all, a shadow casted dangerously over his eyes. It was like another person. The instability and dark intent in his eyes left Killua with the feeling that… he really didn’t know what Gon would do… at all. It left him sobbing as Gon took shirts from the ground to bind Killua to the bed frame. He finished with a tight and pinching pull on the shirt for a secure hold.

“There, just… stay here…” Gon huffed, rubbing his face. “I need to… calm down.” He turned and went to the bathroom. Killua sniffed as he watched Gon go with fearful eyes. He tried the binds, and winced a bit from how tight they were, like he were some animal caught in the hunt.

Killua let out a shuddering sob before sniffing and slowly going through his breathing exercises to calm down. He had to focus, he didn’t know when Gon would come back or what he’d do, so he had to be quick. He racked his brain for memory of his training from before he had begun to completely slack off. He let out a low and quiet exhale as he focused. He knew since he hadn't done this in so long, this would hurt, but there was no way it would hurt as much as his heart was at the moment. He bit his lip as he dislocated his fingers and wrists to slip his left hand out of the binds. He held in a cry as he shook his hand out to bring the joints back into place and quickly worked his lithe hands at the other binds on his right hand.

He got off the bed and didn’t even need to bother with anything he had in the room. He opened the window as quickly and as quietly as he could, and he was jumping out onto the fire escape and slipping down with forgotten but awoken skills. 

He ran to Kurapika and Leorio’s apartment as fast a his legs could carry him and didn’t look back.

***


	19. The reason is you

Chapter  19

_ I'm sorry that I hurt you, It's something I must live with everyday, And all the pain I put you through I wish I could take it all away...  _ The reason is you- Hoobastank

Gon paled when he saw the empty bed and the open window. 

He screwed up. He pushed Killua away. He was never coming back.

Gon kneeled onto the edge of the bed, placing his face in the soft fabric, and letting out quiet cries. It smelled like Killua. He cried harder.

He didn't even deserve Killua. Why would he? After what he just did. Gon felt sick. He might vomit. Gon hated himself. He knew he sometimes blacked out, when he got angry enough. It happened a lot when he was a kid, but it wasn't much of an excuse. He would never willingly hurt Killua, yet here he was. When he had went into the bathroom, the minute he calmed down, everything hit him at once.

He hurt Killua.

Killua was hurt because of him.

Gon cried harder, gripping the sheets weakly.

He didn't deserve to ask for him back, didn't deserve to even talk to him. He felt like his world fell apart when he stared back at his pale brown eyes in the off white light of his bathroom. He didn't deserve Killua-- to ever see him ever again.

But he wanted to. Gon gave an ugly snort to the quiet room. Yea, Gon, selfish as ever. But he had to try, right? Maybe Killua would at least take his apology, or maybe slap him across the face. Gon sat back, staring at the wet blotches he left behind and wiped his face. Where would he go? Gon stood and went to his cell phone- where he tossed it when he came home to have dinner with Killua. He dialed Kurapika with a sniff.

He had to at least try.

***


	20. Jungle

Chapter 20

_ The things I can't change are the reasons you love me… Are we still good? Are we still good? Are we still good? Are we still good? If I need to talk, are you around? Are you down for the cause?...  _ ( Jungle- Drake)

 

Killua had told them everything once they opened the door, trying his best to explain past the tears he hated going down his face. Leorio took him to his home clinic as Killua got to the violent part, Kurapika following to hear the rest of the story with a stricken face. They were both sorry, they never wanted him to get hurt.

Leorio was checking his head and his wrist, which Killua adamantly insisted Gon didn’t hurt his wrist, he did it to himself, when Kurapika’s phone rang, flashing Gon’s name on it. Everyone froze as they saw his name, like moving at the sight would summon him into the room with them.

Kurapika gave a careful glance at Leorio and Killua before picking up the phone and going out the room. Killua’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched Kurapika leave, raising his free hand to wipe his eyes, Leorio lightly bandaging Killua’s wrist.

“Idiot, I don’t even need the bandages, it’ll just be sore…” Killua said once he came out of his own thoughts to notice what Leorio was doing.

“Shut up, it’ll help with the swelling.” He muttered, keeping his head down. He still felt so bad about what happened to Killua. He never thought his little boy would hurt Killua. Well, he figured there might have been some violence, and they didn’t warn Killua properly, and still put him in harms way to prove a point.

“Stop feeling so bad already…” Killua muttered, seeming to read his thoughts. Leorio looked up in surprise. Killua wasn’t looking back, just glancing off to a far wall with his eyes unfocused. “I don’t blame you or Kurapika for what happened.”

Leorio smiled softly.

“Thanks kid… we’ll help you with whatever you do next, of course.”

“Mh” Was Killua’s reply. Leorio gave him an ice pack for his head.

\--

Kurapika pressed the green after a short deliberation, holding it to his ear, lips in a thin line. It was silent for a moment, before a sniff and,

“Kurapika?” Came Gon’s fragile voice. Kurapika’s heart almost broke for him, but he had to keep it steeled, for Gon to learn from this.

“Yes, Gon?” He asked and applauded himself for keeping his voice steady.

“Is Killua there?” He asked quietly, like asking too loudly was too presumptuous of him. Kurapika huffed.

“No.” Then hung up.

  
***


	21. Love, I Thought You Had My Back

Chapter 21

_ I loved you for your ways,  _ _ But your ways hurt me bad boy--  _ _ Hurt me so bad.  _ _ Why you wanna see me sad boy?  _ _ I'm tired of crying over you,  _ _ But I miss you so much I don't know what to do...  _ _Love I thought you had my back._ Love, I Thought You Had My Back -Keyshia Cole

 

Gon stared down at the ended call. He was scared to call or text Killua directly... that doing so would only cement the fact that Killua was never coming back. He bit his lip for the umpthenth time that night and called Killua instead.

\--

Kurapika walked back in to check on Killua.

“How are you feeling, baby?” He asked, rubbing through Killua’s hair.

“I-” Killua started and stilled when his phone rang in his pocket. He pulled it out only to see Gon’s name. Gon’s name with hearts and smiley faces Gon put there that one time he got his hands on Killua’s phone. The name he’s seen a thousands times before.

The name that’s made him light up a thousand times before.

He contemplated answering. There was no reason not to, right? Gon wouldn’t yell again, right? Killua flinched as he remembered the scary face. He squeezed his phone to prevent himself from shaking.

“What did Gon ask you?” Killua asked, looking at the profile picture of Gon lit up on his ringing screen.

“You don’t have to answer.” Kurapika said somewhat carefully, eying the phone.

“What did Gon say?” Killua asked again a bit more sharply, looking at Kurapika. Kurapika sighed.

“He asked if you were here.” He said. “I wasn’t sure if now was the time for him to know, and come running.” He said. Killua let out a heavy sigh before answering on the last ring.

“What?” He snapped into the phone. 

Gon tensed at the anger in Killua’s voice and wasn't sure what to say anymore. Did he even deserve to apologize?

“Killua, I…! I’m… I’m sorry, I didn't mean to- I would never want to hurt you, I wasn’t thinking and I hurt you. I’m sorry I’m such a mindless idiot, and I know you probably won't come back but I do love you and I would do everything I can to make sure I never do this again, Killua, I’m sorry…” The words poured out of Gon the way it usually does, and Gon fell to the floor, folding over slightly. He honestly didn't know what he was going to do if Killua never came back. This man… He loved this man and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. And Gon blew his chance with the only thing in his life that he cared about.

What was he gonna do?

But he held his breath as his mind raced and he waited for Killua to say anything. But he wanted him back. He did.

Killua listened to Gon blab, as he usually did. Gon usually blabbed about anything from as insignificant as forgetting to get more milk or as big as scratching Kurapika’s and Leorio’s car (haha, they still didn't even know about it). His apology which seemed very cut and paste and very Gon-esque, but he also sounded like he was trying to be sincere, but couldn’t find the right words for it. Killua was careful in listening to what Gon was saying.

“How can you be sure? That you won’t hurt me again?” Killua asked. “Why couldn't you stop yourself this time?”

“I-I, it was sudden, I didn’t, wasn’t… you were leaving so quickly and I was upset, I didn’t know what do… but I won’t make excuses, I was angry and I hurt you. I thought… I don’t know how I’ll stop myself next time, but I won’t… I refuse to let myself hurt you like that again. I’ll look into something, or just… I don’t know, Killua…” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed at how his voice broke at the end. He had to at least finish talking to him. Killua closed his eyes listening to Gon talk.

“That’s not enough, Gon.” Killua let out in a soft voice. He felt sorry for pushing Gon to that limit, to making him snap, but nothing justified that response. That was not ok to deal with what was happening. “You have to know I can leave whenever I want to. I don’t have to stay if I don’t want to. But it doesn’t mean I won’t come back.” He said, like teaching a child.

“I-I know, Killua… I…” Gon tried to find his words. “I’ll… you can leave, whenever you want. I… I’ll learn it, I’ll learn it well, so even if I’m angry, you leaving won’t upset me. I’ll do better, I promise…” Gon didn’t know what else to say, he was surprised enough that he was asking Killua to  _ come back _ . He thought maybe, he’d ask for forgiveness, but he wasn’t gonna not try to get him back. He had to try for Killua. What else could he say?

“Ok… bye Gon.” Killua said softly, taking the phone from his ear.

“Killua…” Gon sighed in desperation. He lowered the phone and let his tears drip off his chin finally. Was it enough? Was Gon worth it? He didn’t know. He settled against the wall, his head between his knees. Killua sighed out, careful to keep his face a mask.

“Ok… so have you guys talked to Gon about his ‘scary face’?” Killua asked.

“Well… yes? We told him he had one, and you know, he’s kinda… brushed it off, saying yea sometimes he does get angry but it wasn’t anything… bad.” Kurapika tried.

“He says he never hurts anyone when he’s like that.” Leorio supplied. “And maybe he has… maybe he hasn’t. Most of the time, he says he doesn’t remember.” Killua frowned.

“That’s not good…” He muttered. “And what happens when he does it to you?” Killua asked. “What is he normally angry about since you guys have seen it more often.”

“He’d get angry over… things like injustice, I guess you could say? He’d goes way too hard to protect someone getting bullied, or go off on someone spouting some reverse logic on why people deserve some terrible treatment.” Leorio explained. “When he’d get angry at us, it would be something he’s really adamant about, that we don’t seem to get, like how his dad  _ isn’t _ terrible for some reason, or that he can take care of himself after we do something to help him without telling him.”

Killua nodded.

“So you guys get the angry face because you deserve it.” He mused before giving them a small teasing smile.

“Not funny, brat! We worry about Gon, and sometimes he thinks he knows what's best when he doesn’t!” Leorio said, crossing his arms.

“Whatever… Can I go lay down in your room, Pika?” He asked, getting up and taking his ice pack with him.

“Yes, of course! Take it easy for a while, I’ll bring dinner over.” Kurapika said, standing to help if Killua needed. Killua waved his hands placatingly to Kurapika, letting him know he’s fine. He went and climbed in the soft bed. He had a lot to think about.

It was very possible that he could have went his whole life without ever seeing Gon’s scary face. He could have never needed to see this side of Gon. But this was a side of Gon that existed.

At the very most, way later down in life, they would fight and Killua would try to leave just like he did and then he would have saw it when it was too late to do anything, they’d be in too deep for it to not be complicated.

But does Killua want to do anything? Should he break up with Gon? Should he take some sort of action? He remembered Gon’s heartfelt words and his breaking voice and Killua could feel his lip wobble. It took everything in him not to show a crack in the mask since he was in front of the other two parental figures, and now he’s not sure he could hold back the water works.

He missed Gon right now, even as images of his loving and gentle boyfriend lives right along side that terrifying thing. He wanted to run back maybe as much as Gon wanted to find him. But he knew better than just walk into something with flashing red signs of an abusive relationship.

But Gon was the one that showed him everything, won him over, saved him from his home life, and was everything he ever wanted and dreamed of in a home relationship. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever find anything as wholesome and pure as what he has with Gon. And he doesn’t think he wants to. He really does love Gon.

So he won’t give up on this, and he won’t give up on Gon. He’ll help him and help him keep his promise to not hurt him again, then go back to him.

But right now, he just needed a break, a couple days, to cope with the images of this stranger in Gon’s body, to cope with the fact Killua was really  _ really _ terrified of Gon in that moment.

  
***


	22. Never Be The Same

Chapter 22

_ It's you, babe, And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe, And I could try to run, but it would be useless! You're to blame, Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same ( _ Never Be The Same-Camila Cabello)

Gon blinked at the red numbers in front of his face. They read 3:26. Bright orange light tried to filter in through the blinds Gon set over his window. He groaned and turned over. Why did he keep waking up? The death grip he had on his phone kept his knuckles sore, and he flexed them a bit as he pulled his phone up to his face. Nothing from Killua, which he expected. He lowered his phone and threw the sheets over his head.

What was annoying was there was plenty of calls from work.

His stomach let out a low growl. He wasn’t very hungry though. 

He drifted back to sleep.

\---

What surprised Killua the most was that Gon never came over to Kurapika’s place once. He had to know Killua was here and was not coming as to give him space. It was very mature of Gon in Killua’s eyes. But he tried to carry on despite him and Gon being on some kind of break.

He smiled as much as he could for Kurapika and Leorio although they could probably tell that it was shallow. They encouraged him not to call Gon when he was often spacing out on his phone. But Killua’s sure 3 days is enough. On the morning of the third day, Killua was calling Gon as if it were routine as he stretched awake, his fingers easily sliding down to Gon’s contact and sliding to call him.

\--

Loud buzzing in Gon’s hand woke him, and he blearily brought the screen into view, squinted at it through gummed up eyes. He rubbed at his eyes and did a double take.

The perfect picture Gon caught of Killua, him asleep on the bed, one arm hanging off the edge and his mouth parted with drool coming out, the white blue light of morning behind him, took up the screen, and Killua’s name with hearts and smileys stood in the top center of the screen. Killua was calling him!

Gon’s heart thumped in his throat as he quickly answered, sitting up.

“Killua! Morning..!” Gon said, his voice gravelly from days without use. He tried to clear it discreetly as he waited to hear Killua’s voice.

“Good morning, Gon…” Killua hummed, sitting up in bed, playing with the sheets pooling around his waist. “Did I wake you?” He asked, noticing the scratchy voice he was pleased to wake up to every other morning when they were still together.

“Yea!” Gon half breathed, butterflies erupting in his stomach from Killua’s smooth voice ringing in his ears, waking his senses down to his toes. “But it was about time I got up anyway… how are you?” He asked shyly, throwing the sheets off from around his waist. He was hungry.

“I’m… could be better… how are you?” He asked, answering honestly. He dragged his knees up to his chest.

“I… could be better.” He half chuckled. “I miss you-- er…” Gon stuttered, unsure if he should be saying something like that. Killua huffed a laugh, feeling his chest expand with emotion, hardly leaving room for air.

“I miss you, too…” He chuckled, wiping his eyes. “Stupid.”

“Ah, meanie…” Gon muttered, using the childish voice he does when Killua calls him a mean name. But he would never mind. Not now, or ever. “What, uh… what’s your plan for today?” He asked as he got a bowl of cereal. 

“I… I want to see you…” Killua muttered. “But we have to talk before that.”

Gon put aside the box, focusing more on the conversation, his nerves filling his ears with static.

“I- ok, Killua, whatever you say. Mm..” He muttered, gripping at the helm of his shirt nervously.

“You need to know that I can leave whenever I want… so if I come back, I‘ll be leaving all the time. With or without telling you, whenever I please…” He said with a stern voice.

“Yes, of course. And I’ll work on not getting-- nervous. I’m gonna really try, Killua, I will.” He said, his tone as if he could will it on himself by just saying it.

“Ok...but that’s not it. You can’t remember what happened, right? You black out or something?” He asked.

“Remember… I remember mainly… I tied you to the bed… and left to calm down.” Gon tried to remember. He owed that much to Killua. To recall exactly how he hurt him so he wouldn’t do it again.

“Mh… Kurapika and Leorio says it wasn’t the first time.” Killua hummed. “You need to find a way to get that under control-- your anger. You can’t be getting so angry that you don’t even know what you’re doing. That’s dangerous to everyone around, so I don't know what else might set you off besides me just leaving. You can’t just do this band aid solution. Make sure this works for all of your ticks, ok?” Killua said.

“Ok… Ok…” Gon muttered, thinking how he would do it. This plagued him since he was child, though this was the first time that he could at least recall- hurting someone with it. How would he do this? Gon was feeling overwhelmed, and could practically feel the steam coming out his ears. 

Maybe he couldn't do this. Maybe he was one of those people who wasn’t suppose to have a loved one, who was so worthless, that even the universe didn’t think they should have anything near and dear. He should be locked away somewhere to die in his blind anger. “Killua…” Gon muttered, as he squat, feeling hopeless. Feeling worse than hopeless; he felt like trash. Dirt. He didn’t deserve this second chance.

“I… thank you, Killua…” He muttered, choked up. Killua would leave when Gon tells him he hasn’t found a solution. Gon understood himself a little better, now. 

Killua smiled, oblivious to Gon’s inner turmoil.

“M-hm…” He hummed happily. “And of course I’ll help you.” He said, removing the sheets to get out of bed. “I’ll see you later today, ok?”

“Ok, Killua…” Gon muttered, sitting against the cabinets. “I’ll… see you then.” He said, letting the phone lower and his head hang. Gon didn’t even deserve Killua. He didn’t deserve anything.

Gon wished he could change. He hated himself.

\---

“I’m going-- I can take care of myself.” Killua assured the two as he put on one of Kurapika’s jackets.

“Ok, baby, if you’re sure…” Kurapika hummed with nervousness. Killua nodded, leaving them at the door. He had to remind himself not to run into Gon’s arms once he went into the apartment. He opened the door cautiously, around noon.

“Gon?” Killua called with a growing smile.

Gon jumped, not having gotten up from the kitchen floor since that morning, or having cleaned up at all… He was very embarrassed and stood, rubbing at his hair. He couldn't stop the smile though, from seeing Killua again, he felt like every bit of his body was filling up again. With Killua’s sight or his emotions, he didn't know. Maybe it was both.

“Hi, Killua…!” Gon said with a crooked smile. Killua’s smile went full blown and, despite his best efforts, went running to be embraced in Gon’s arms.

“I’m home!”

Gon easily wrapped him in his arms, every part that touched Killua coming to life with warmth, and they spun in a small circle with his momentum. Gon let out a cheerful laugh. How could Killua sap every rotten thought from his head without saying anything? Killua was Gon’s joy, and his true love.

“Welcome home!” He said, nuzzling his face into the fluff of Killua’s hair. Killua nuzzled his face into Gon’s neck. Of course he already forgave Gon, he had alot of time to realize that that person was still Gon, and it was definitely a flaw they’ll work on that, if they can’t fix-- he’ll love. There was no way he could stay mad at him.

Killua popped his head out of Gon’s neck to look at the counter with a bow half filled with cereal.

“Were you getting breakfast?” He asked, pulling away from Gon enough to face the counter. Gon gave a half shrug, rubbing the back of his neck slightly.

“Um, call it an early lunch…” Gon said with a boyish smile. Killua smiled back at him and moved to pour the rest of the bowl then taking out another.

“Ok… did you want something a little more than this? I know you can eat two bowls if you just have cereal. I can make you some eggs?” He asked pouring his own bowl. “Or sandwich?”

“I… I missed you…”Gon sighed, wrapping his arms back around him from behind, and resting his head against Killua’s shoulder blades. “I don’t care what you make me…” He hummed. Killua smiled, leaning into the touch. He could almost forget everything that’s happened… but he won’t let himself.

“Eat this first, I’ll get you your meat sandwich.” Killua snickered, passing the bowl over his shoulder and hitting Gon on the forehead with it.

“Ak! Fine…” He half grumbled, taking the bowl from in front of him. He sat at the counter, shoveling two bites into his mouth swiftly. He hummed pleased as he tastes the sweet oats on his tongue and his stomach let out an aprricatory growl. It almost hurt. Gon chewed a bit slower to let his stomach calm down.

Killua raised an eyebrow at Gon as he pulled out sandwich materials.

“Geez, you sound hungry. Did you even eat breakfast?”

“I… didnt.” He admitted sheepishly, ducking his head. Killua huffed, pulling out the bread and eyed him some more.

“... When was the last time you ate?”

“Uhmm… did you eat breakfast, Killua?” He asked, licking milk off his lip and putting more cereal in his mouth. Killua squinted at Gon and decided to let that answer Gon. Gon looked down at the bowl nervously, his hunger leaving him again. “Nn, neh Killua…?” He asked, risking a glance up at him.

“Yes, Gon?” He asked, putting his hands on his hips. Gon dropped his eyes down again.

“Um, I guess I don’t remember much, Killua. But I haven't been very hungry, these last few days…” He answered, twiddling his thumbs. Killua’s eyebrows went up in concern.

“Seriously, Gon, since I left--?” Killua asked, busying himself around the kitchen to get the sandwich made faster.

“It’s ok, Killua, I said I wasn’t even hungry..!” Gon tried to calm Killua’s sped movements. He didn't want him worrying about him too much…

“Idiot, if your stomach was a person, it would have slapped you upside the head already.” Killua puffed out his cheeks. He felt his stomach knot up knowing his leaving made Gon like this… Gon really did love him… He made the sandwich in record time and delivered it to Gon. Gon let out a disbelieving laugh.

“Thank you, Killua… you’re the best!” He tried in a light tone so Killua wouldn’t feel so worried or anything. Killua nodded and sat back, wringing his hands together and feeling a bit out of place suddenly. What could he do? He glanced between Gon’s face and the food in front of him then stepped forward to remove the food from Gon’s hands before stepping between Gon’s legs and kissing him, Gon’s face cradled in Killua's hands. 

Gon was so surprised by Killua’s actions, but they weren’t unwanted; they were  _ craved _ . This was what he was hungry for. Gon wrapped his arms around Killua, a sigh escaping Gon, one of want, and love. He held Killua softer than he has in the past weeks, but still as lovingly. He worked carefully against Killua’s lips to try and express that love and dedication he has so failed to show him in the past couple of days. Killua’s heavenly hands rested like ovens under Gon’s jaw, and Gon wished for more of his fire on him.

Killua ached hearing Gon’s love filled sigh again. In the brief moment where his mind was still working, he wondered if they’ve ever done it on the kitchen counter before. He pushed forward as his hands roamed over Gon’s shoulders and down his back to pull Gon towards him by the hips.

Gon let out a pleased hum from Killua’s actions, and quickly picked up his wants. Gon pulled Killua towards him, having their hips meet in a grind, and Gon held his tongue to listen to Killua’s pleasure filled cries. Oh, he’s missed Killua. He kissed down his neck, leaving hickey after hickey, unbuckling Killua’s pants and placing him on the counter. For easy access of course.

Killua was quickly in a fog with no thoughts, just knowing, experience, feeling, smelling everything  _ Gon _ again. He missed him and his quick boner showed it. He pulled at Gon as he laid at the counter, wanting nothing more but Gon in and around him again.

Gon loved when Killua got that look in his eye. He hiked himself onto the counter, sliding off Killua’s and his own boxers and sliding two experienced fingers into Killua, knowing every spot on the man he loved, and kissing Killua with the same deep longing Killua had. He kissed up his jaw and pulled playfully at his ears, whispering his love to Killua the way he often does, as he slid in and out of Killua, making sure he was fully prepared.

Killua bit his lips as he felt Gon all about him, drowning in Gon again. Ah, he was always so screwed for this amazing man. With how often Gon had Killua spelling out his love for Gon not too long ago, Killua’s responses to Gon’s purrs of love easily slipped out. He wrapped his arms around Gon’s neck as he prepared himself to receive Gon.

And as Gon entered the home he came to know as Killua, he felt himself fill every corner of Killua’s body with the love he had for Killua. He didn’t want to let him go, ever again. He’d do anything to stay with Killua, he didnt care what. He wanted him safe, he wanted him happy, he wanted Killua with him.

Long, steady stroke out, and paced, fast strokes in, their bodies slapping together, their moans twinning together to make the music they love to hear from each other. A dance they shared only with each other for over 2 years, and Gon was determined to keep it that way. When they came together, panting, Gon pulled Killua into his chest and kissed his forehead.

“I love you, Gon…” Killua panted, his bangs slicked to his forehead, but knowing Gon doesn’t care how gross he gets. Gon smiled wide at Killua. His heart hurt with how much he loved Killua. It pounded loudly against his chest. It made his ears ring. He gave an extra kiss to his nose before sitting up. He felt a little shaky from lack of nutrition but he’s sure he’ll be fine with Killua with him again.

“Mm, we dirtied the counter a bit.” Gon observed innocently, looking around a bit. Killua scoffed.

“Then I guess we should take this back to the bedroom?” He asked. He’ll clean this later. Gon smiled mischievously.

“I was thinking the shower first.” He said, throwing his shirt off over his head. Killua shivered involuntarily, letting his darkened eyes take Gon’s bare body in.

“I- y-ye- sure…” Killua stammered, not at all knowing what was coming out of his mouth. Gon’s impish smile widened as he took notice of Killua’s dazed state and hopped off the counter and pulled Killua into his arms. He happily skipped to the bathroom where they had sex again. And again later in the bedroom.

(And again)

 

\----


	23. Love Me Harder

Chapter 23

_ I know your motives and you know mine, The ones that love me, I tend to leave behind. If you know about me and choose to stay… Then take this pleasure and take away the pain. _

_ \--- _

It was hard work, for both men, to go about working to help Gon. Killua left every so often for the next month, sometimes with notice in advance or a quick notice right before he left. Sometimes, Killua just isn’t home. Killua doesn’t like leaving Gon, and Gon hates to see him go, but they can both say there was noticeable difference by the end of the month and how Gon reacted when Killua said he’s leaving. Gon worked hard to understand that Killua’s coming back.

Usually during his outings, he has to time to think and reflect. Killua thinks about a lot of things, from Gon, to solutions, to his old life… On one of Killua’s outings, Killua remembered something. He brought it up as he came home.

“Gon!”

“Welcome back, Killua!” Gon called over his shoulder, folding up the bills he was looking at. No need for Killua to see that stuff.

“I want to move my sister in.” Killua said skipping over to the couch and kissing Gon on the cheek. Gon blinked as he pulled away.

“Yea?” He asked, glancing at the folded letters in his hand. “Why not!” He said with a  smile.

“Seriously?” Killua cried with a wide smile. “I didn’t even make a case yet!” He said.

“What do you need a case for? She’s your sister! Let’s bring her in.” Gon said, happy he made Killua so happy.

“Wow! Yay, you’re the best, Gon!” He cheered, folding his arms over Gon’s neck. Thinking about everything the past couple weeks just reminded Killua how lucky he was that Gon wasn’t actually abusive, he just had a slip, and loved him deeply. But he couldn’t say his sister had as much luck, left in that house he was able to leave. He can’t believe he left her, and he couldn’t wait until he brought her out. 

Now he just needs to figure out how to get her out.

\--

“Ok, so I’m gonna go home for a couple days, 3 at max.” Killua said, throwing his clothes in his duffle bag. “If it’s longer than that, and I didn’t contact you, then I’m dead, there’s no point in coming for me.” Killua explained, rising up to face Gon.

“Haha, that's not funny, Killua.” Gon said, his smile petering off his face. He still didn’t know anything about Killua’s home life, and that may as well be true.

“I’m just-- You have to promise me you won’t come charging to my home just because you don’t hear from me for a while. I promise I’ll come back, do everything in my power to come back as long as I’m alive, but you stay away from my house!” Killua said, poking his finger to Gon’s chest. Gon puffed out his cheeks.

“Then- when your sister gets here, will you tell me more about your family?” He asked. Killua let out an exaggerated sigh.

“What is that, an ultimatum?” Killua asked, shouldering his duffle.

“No… but… it’d be nice.” Gon half mumbled, walking him to the door.

“Then…” Killua hummed, considering it, panicked again, “No. Thanks for understanding, bye!” He hummed, kissing him, teasing his tongue before separating to go. Gon groaned in frustration when Killua pulled away before he was ready.

“Bye!... Call!” Gon shouted after him.

“Yessir!” He called playfully.

***

_ So what do I do if I can't figure it out? You got to try, try, try again… So what do I do if I can't figure it out? I'm gonna leave, leave, again! _

Love Me Harder- Arianna Grande ft The Weekend


	24. Pit of Vipers II

Chapter 24

_ I can almost feel the tick like clockwork hearing all the voices in my head each time I go. There's a game they play that I'm not part of: tearing at the weaknesses and all the faults they know... _

Killua walked up to the house that he had hoped he would never have to until one of his parents died. But he guessed they’re too immortal for that. Killua let out a breath and knocked once, twice on the door.

A butler opened the door, one Killua never bothered to remember the name of before going awol.

“Welcome home, Master Killua.” He said in a practiced tone. Killua  _ tsked _ but decided not to give much response other than that. He walked with brisk pace to his father’s giant double doors. Killua was always nervous when he was going to see his father. Now wasn’t any different. If Killua messed up or misspoke in any way, well… his dad could do anything.

He let out a small breath and put his bag down by the door. Killua wasn’t really expecting it to still be out there when he came back out. All these lurking butlers were bound to pick it up once he was out of sight. But he wanted to be a bit more presentable to his father, not carrying his luggage like he was ready to leave again at a moment’s notice. He knocked for permission to enter.

“Come in.” Came Silva’s booming voice. Killua tried to still his trembles. He was an adult, and his father still made him feel like he was a child. He opened the doors and didn’t even flinch when they closed with a resonant boom behind him, his expression coolly neutral.

“Father.” Killua stated, sticking one hand in his pocket.

“Killua. It has been a while since I’ve seen you.” The white haired elder said with the ease that comes with being in one’s own house. He still sat on those giant billowing pillows that seemed like mountains to Killua when he was a child.

“Yes, I’ve actually moved out.” Killua admitted, moving forward, then bit the inside of his cheeks. He never knew why he always felt the need to reveal more than necessary to his father. Being in his presence just gave him the need to report, and nothing but the truth. Mercy on he who lies to his father.

“Ah, I see. And how is it? Living away from home?” Continued casually.

“It’s fine, great actually.” Killua confessed, letting a small smile grace his features. “It’s kinda why I’m here. I want to take Alluka.” He set his jaw as he was determined to keep eye contact with his imposing father. Silva’s piercing eyes looked back with a steel resolve and challenge.

“Alluka? Why are you suddenly interested in taking Alluka somewhere?” He asked, shifting to sit straighter. “Wouldn’t taking him with you be more of a burden on your carefree lifestyle?” Killua flinched slightly at his father calling his little sister a ‘he.’

“I’m not suddenly interested.. I’ve just forgotten… for too long to be honest. I don’t mind taking… Alluka with me. Because I want Alluka to be happy.” Killua was careful to avoid pronouns just to get through the conversation smoother. The father stroked his chin, looking at Killua while nodding slightly. 

“You know, you’re turning 21 soon. Right?” Silva said, inclining his head.

“Y-yes…” Killua answer, unsure where his father was taking this.

“You’re supposed to be coming home sometime soon to start retraining to take up being heir.” He explained. Killua furrowed his eyebrows a bit.

“W- no, dad, I don’t want to take over the family business.” Killua shook his head.

“Hm? So you don’t plan on taking it over at all? And not to come back home?” Silva questioned with a raised brow. 

“That’s right, I don’t want to have anything to do with it.” Killua said.

“That puts me out an heir, son. Your brothers and I worked hard to get you ready for this endeavor. I can’t be head for much longer.” He explained.

“Put Illumi in charge, he has all the training for it. Put someone in charge that wants it.” Killua said, waving it off. The father nodded, seeming to take his words into account.

“That's a good point. All your life you have told us how much you don’t want this position. Then, ok. You don’t have to be heir. And it would make sense to take your brother with you, if you feel you can take care of him. But your mother will want to hear of her child- or children now, leaving home. And you'll have to tell your brother you won't be heir so he could come up with an heir or substitution idea. I think we should have a family dinner.” He concluded logically with a official clap of his hands.

“Hah?” Killua blinked with wide disbelieving eyes. “W-why- I don’t want to join family dinner.” He hated family dinner.

“This’ll be your chance to tell everyone your plans. Your mother has been missing you.” His father replied.

“Father, I don’t-” Killua stuttered. “Can’t you just tell them…? After I leave?”

“M, no deal, son. It would be unfair to the family.” He said, raising his hand to end the conversation. “Now go on, get ready for dinner.” Killua bit his tongue as not to scoff. He lowered his eyes then raised them up to meet his father’s eyes again.

“Yes, father.” He said before turning on his heel and leaving the room. As he thought, his duffle bag wasn’t outside the door, but he knew where he could find it. He began his walk to his old room in this house, very careful as not to bump into any other family member. This was gonna be a long dinner.

_It's impossible to navigate around; It's inevitable that you'll fall in. It's improbable I'll ever come back down, I fell in and now I think I might drown…!_ (Pit of Vipers- Simon Curtis)

***


	25. Colors

Chapter 25

_ Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so. You said your mother only smiled on her tv show. You're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope. I hope you make it to the day you're twenty-eight years old... _

  
Everyone sat at the family’s long and impersonal table.

Dad at the head, his imposing presence large and official. Mother sat to his right, her hair tied up and under a flower pin. She sat in her embroidered dress and unseen eyes under black glasses but it was obvious she was making an unsatisfied face at Killua. Illumi sat at the left, his dead fish eyes staring blankly at Killua, his hands folded neatly in front of him, his purple sweater collared up his neck. Down mother’s side was Milluki, who was pigging out on pork rinds despite dinner going to be served soon and paying no mind to anyone really. And Kalluto sat on Illumi’s side, they held a fan to their lips, their eyebrows angled down angrily at Killua. Then Killua sat down the other head of the table, staring back at his family.

Killua huffed a bit, not liking all the attention on him.

“Go ahead and start, father.” Killua said, trying not to sound totally miserable.

“Ah, everyone, Killua has some news for us.” He said, then gestured at Killua. Killua blinked with wide disbelieving eyes at his father again.

“What? Me? You’re suppose to tell them.” Killua said. His father always took the lead on dinners.

“No, you’re going to head the dinner.” He replied. “You will have to be the one to work out terms with them.” Killua furrowed his eyebrows but then shook his head, steeling his resolve. He stood up.

“Family.” He addressed. Milluki snorted rudely. Killua gave a pause to squint at Milluki, like ‘really?’ He sighed before continuing, “I moved out.” He rolled his eyes, because he knew that really didn’t need to be established, but might as well make an official statement.

“Where to, Killu?” Illumi asked, looking expectantly to hm.

“Why?” Kalluto asked, lips unseen under their paper fan. Killua refrained from glaring at the interruptions. 

“Please keep your questions til the end. And then, maybe, even after that.” Killua said, a bit icily. “I moved out a bit of time ago, because I found a place that feels more home to me, and I’m not pressured to take over a business I don’t want. So, I’m going to stay out and someone else will need to take over the family business.”

The mother look like she was just barely holding herself together, and once Killua finished his sentence, the mother jumped up, clutching her dress and facing Silva.

“Silva! What are you allowing Killua to say?! You know we need an heir!!” She half shrieked, trying to keep her voice down.

“That's right, he suggested Illumi become heir.” Silva said, inclining his head to his eldest son. Illumi raised a brow at his father before turning to Killua.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I can’t be heir. I haven't been trained to be heir. All my life, I was trained to raise the heir.” He said in his toneless voice. Killua made a face, how did his father deal with all this chaos during dinner?

“Then train Kalluto to be heir, they’re still young enough.” Killua said, gesturing to them.

“Your  _ brother _ cannot be an heir! Your father needs a more ready heir!” The mother said.

“It wouldn’t be impossible.” Illumi sighed. “But no one would be better than you, Killu. You were chosen.” He said. Kalluto only glared at Killua. Killua closed his eyes, trying to focus and not get into it with any of them.

“Also, I’m taking Alluka with me.” Killua said, opening his eyes again and addressing his mother specifically. She looked personally offended.

“You can’t just  _ take _ Alluka! He’s still a child and underaged! He has to stay home with me! If you want to be with him, you should just come home.” The mother tried to reason.

“But I’m an adult and I am perfectly capable of taking care of her. Besides, you don’t even treat her as family, you can’t take proper care of her if you won’t even acknowledge her gender.” Killua argued, not able to keep level head over this topic. Not when it comes to his baby sister.

“Silva!!” She yelled, turning to the father yet again. He raised a hand to silence her.

“He’s right, in a way. We still do not understand Alluka, and we haven't been able to understand him for years. But Killua, your mother is right too. This is still her child, and you can't just take him.” He said.

“Where do you even live? The trash?” Milluki grunted, crumbs all over his face. Killua decided to ignore his pig brother.

“Mother won’t even let her sit at the table. If Alluka’s her child, she doesn’t act like it.” Killua gave an icy glare at the woman.

“You should respect your mother!” She hissed.

“If he were to become the head, you would have to listen to him. Take a seat, Kikyo.” Silva said, gesturing to her seat. She seethed and sat down. Killua huffed.

“As it is right now, I have plenty of resources and an  _ apartment _ ,” Killua said, hissing in Milluki’s direction, “for her to live with me. I would treat her better than she’s being treated here, and she’ll be able to go out and about. Even to school, if she wanted.” Killua explained. “So, that’s why I want to take her. I just need you guys to allow it. But…” He let his eyes darken a bit. “I’m taking her out of here either way.”

Kikyo seemed to boil where she sat. Kalluto closed their fan in an angry  _ fwap _ .

“Why should Alluka get to go? What’s so special about her?” They snapped. “I think she has to stay here. She's mother's child, you can’t just take her.” They crossed their arms. Killua raised an eyebrow at them.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Killua barely even knew this sibling, why were they so invested?

“You just suddenly disappear for like, 2 years, then show up again just to take Alluka away? You aren't even really here for dinner! I can be way cuter than Alluka if that’s what’s so great about her!” They said, pouting like a child at the end. It wasn’t fair Killua only liked Alluka. Killua blinked in surprise. They were jealous?

“You… what? That’s not why! It’s not that she’s just cute, she’s, like, the only normal one in this family, because she hasn’t been exposed to all this mafia crap. I don’t need her in this situation and she doesn’t deserve to be treated the way she has because she has nothing to do with it.” Killua redirected his argument to his mother, “C’mon, she has nothing to do with it, let her come with me.” Killua said, Kalluto pouted some more.

“I haven't been exposed to stuff…” They muttered. They knew that was a lie though, they’ve been practicing a bunch of things with Illumi.

“Ok, it makes sense that you would take Alluka…” The mother said, seeming calm. “But let’s make a deal. You come home for a day, be my precious baby boy for a day, and you can go with Alluka.” She said. Killua sneered, he hated these supposed deals with his sneaky family, but this one didn’t sound bad. He’d be back home with his baby sister in hand by the end of tomorrow.

“... Fine.” He said. “Just, let me make a phone call.” He said.

“That’s fine.” Kikyo said with a pleased smile.

“When do I get to see your new home, Killu?” Illumi asked nonchalantly.

“You don’t.” Killua said, taking out his cellphone and moving out the room. He knows better than to make the call in the house where he could hacked and the call traced or recorded. That’d be stupid and would put Gon in danger. He’ll have to go out where he had Gon drop him off before.

“Ah, is dinner over? I have to go… meditate.” Illumi sighed. He either had to convince Killua to take the head position or find a replacement.

“I suppose. Killua left. We can always continue this in the morning.” Silva said. Killua called Gon once he believed to be out of range.

“Hi, Killua!” Gon called loudly.

“Hey, baby…” Killua chuckled softly, feeling a bit more comforted just hearing his voice. “How are you? Did you eat?”

“Yea, I ate. It was boring eating by myself though, I miss you already.” He chuckled.

“Ya… so, I was just calling to tell you I’m gonna be staying an extra day, but I should be coming home tomorrow night, or early morning. Ok?” Killua said. Gon pouted, unseen.

“Alright. Good luck.” He sighed. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Good night.” Killua said before he hung up.

“Good night…” Gon muttered as he lowered the phone. He’ll wait for Killua. He can wait for him to let him in.

_ You're dripping like a saturated sunrise, You're spilling like an overflowing sink… You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece, And now i'm tearing through the pages and the ink…  _ Colors - Halsey

\---


	26. Coloring

Chapter  26

_ Don’t try your best to stall, Stay for the night, tell you why nothing’s right if you’re gone. Stay for the night, if it’s all a lie, I wouldn’t if you’re wrong _ \- Coloring (Kevin Garrett)

After Killua finished the call, they led him to the now empty table to eat dinner, and was told he was expected at breakfast tomorrow at 8.

“Fine.” Killua agreed. There was no point in trying to argue, they were just reporting what was expected of him. And he’ll be the perfect freakin’ son for them so they’ll let him walk free by the end of the day tomorrow. He’ll bring Alluka out of this, he won’t forget her again.

On Killua’s way to his room, Kalluto was loitering by his door, dressed in a nightie and kicking at the raised carpet. They looked up at Killua through their bangs. Killua raised an eyebrow at them, not really harboring any hard feelings. He still doesn’t know their story and they’re still his baby sibling after all. They turned their head as if to ignore him, but looked over at him with a side eye. 

“What?” He asked, unlocking his room. They didn’t even bother changing his lock.

“Nothing…” They said, turning away abit. Killua shrugged.

“Ok.” He moved into his room.

Killua forgot how quiet the house was. And how that quiet just left space for the weird creaking noises of the house. He slept as well as he usually does. That is to say he didn’t. It just reminded and reinforced him that this place was never home to him. It felt as foreign and uncomfortable to him as sleeping captive somewhere. But he closed his eyes and slept as well as he usually did.

The next morning, the butlers led him back to the breakfast table, where everyone sat again. His mother smiled pleasantly.

“Good morning, my son! How was your night?” She asked.

“It was fine, mother.” Killua hummed, glancing over everyone at the table and, foolish as it was, hoped Alluka was there. She still wasn’t. He grit his teeth.  _ Endure it, we’ll leave by the end of today… _ The mother seemed very pleased with the response, and wiggled happily in her seat.

“Killua, could we continue our conversation from last night? I still don't agree. I’ve thought about it all night, and I just don’t see why you can’t be heir. And I can’t think of anyone to be heir over you.” Illumi said. Killua scrunched his lips up and to the side, giving his father only a glance once.

“I’ll ask again why Kalluto can’t do it? I understand dad’s getting older and he might need to retire sooner than they’re ready, but then you can work with them during the time they are in charge. You’ll find it fun, right? You love that training stuff.” Killua replied tearing open a Pillsbury croissant. Yummy!

“He can’t just… become heir. He doesn't have a mindset for it, you do. You were raised for it. Why would you want to throw it all away?” Illumi tried again.

“I never  _ wanted _ to be head. Now enough about this, you’re ruining my breakfast.” Killua ordered before stuffing some bread into his mouth. Illumi crossed his arms and turned a blank look to his father.

“Father, you can’t actually condone this? Killua’s going to throw away your entire empire.” He said.

“Then I suppose we better start looking for a different heir. Killua is of age, and unfortunately, I can’t seem to convince him to become heir, so he has denied it.” Silva said, shoving a boiled egg into his mouth. Illumi closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

“You’re giving this up for some normal life? You know its never gonna work out. They’re going to come for you, and kill everyone close to you.” Illumi said. “You’d be better protected here, and trained.” Illumi said turning back to Killua. 

“Is that a threat?” Killua asked in a low voice, giving Illumi his coldest glare.

“You can consider it a promise. Though not one from me. You won’t stay in the dark from our enemies for long. They’ll want an easy way to dad, and what's the easiest way than the untrained runaway son?” He said, squinting his eyes at Killua. Killua’s eyebrows furrowed, finding sense in what Illumi said. He shook his head slightly.

“Not now, Illumi-nii.” Killua said again, eating more of his breakfast. Illumi gave him an annoyed glare  although slightly amusing to see but ate his scrambled eggs more quietly.

“Breakfast is so annoying when your here.” Milluki grumbled, stuffing his face with donuts. Killua snorted.

“Do I spoil your appetite, piggy? Do you normally eat more than this? I think you’ll live.” Killua rolled his eyes.

“Hey, you should be more concerned than that! If I can’t eat as much as a usually do, then I’m sick!” He grunted angrily.

“No, you’re getting healthier!” Killua sneered.

“What do you know!? Skinny twig.” Milluki scoffed, and turned his nose, eating a bacon strip. Killua stuck his tongue out at his older brother before taking a piece of bacon himself.

After breakfast, Killua followed after Illumi.

“Wait, Illumi.” Killua said, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice. Illumi halted at the sound of his younger brother’s voice and turned.

“Yes, Killu?” He asked. 

“You… may have a point.” He admitted with only a slight wince. “About not being trained enough in case something happened. I haven’t exactly been keeping up with the training I do know about, and that was basic stuff… recently I dislocated my wrists and it hurt like a bitch. I might need… a refresher.” He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. Illumi raised his brow.

“What did you need to do that for?” He asked with a critical eye. Killua rolled his eyes.

“I needed to get out of a tight spot. Will you help me or not?”

“Of course I will. Then, we’re going to do a… ‘refresher’ starting at 12. Meet me at the training house.” He stated.

“Right.” Killua said. He’d need to go change. Hopefully his old training clothes still fit. He went to his room to wait for 12.

\----

At 12, Illumi proceeded to practically retrain Killua, making sure his endurance, speed, and skill were up to par. And if they weren’t, he was revisited the basics and worked on keeping Killua in top shape. By the time it was 6, Killua was the definition of sore and tired.

“It’ll do in a pinch, if you’re resourceful and smart. So that’s it for your training.” Illumi said with a clap of his hands. He barely seemed tired.

“Fuck you.” Killua panted, wiping sweat from his chin. He didn’t want this much training, an hour at most. Now he was tired. But this was fine, the better to protect Gon. He stood up, stretching his back. “When’s dinner?” He asked.

“Now, actually. Hurry up and clean up.” Illumi said, and turned away with a flourish of his hair.

“Seriously?” Killua griped, stretching his arms, following to get to his room. Killua got to his room only to see a little head of smooth black hair bobbing around his bedside. Sigh, he was too tired for this.

“Excuse me?” He asked, giving a light tap to his door. Kalluto jumped, sitting up from the bed.

“Nii-san. I didn't see you.” they said, smoothing out their kimono and walking to the door like nothing was wrong.

“Nu-uh, what were you doing in here?” He asked, putting a toned arm around their waist to catch them from leaving. They whined like a child, walking backwards and crossing their arms.

“Nothing. My marble fell in here.” They explained.

“Your… marble? Well, did you find it?” Killua asked, playing along for now.

“No… can I keep looking?” They asked cautiously.

“Well… where have you looked already?” Killua asked cryptedly to find out how much of the room they’ve snooped in already.

“Just under the bed.” They answered with a nonchalant shrug. They wandered away from him a bit. “How was training?” Kalluto asked.

“Sucked, as always. So, do you have other marbles? Or is it just this one you have and like a lot?” Killua asked, taking off his sweatshirt and throwing it into the hamper.

“Just the one. Its part of a set. You must hate coming here…” Kalluto commented, bringing their sleeve up to their lip.

“Ya, it’s why I stopped.” Killua scoffed going into his adjacent bathroom. “So can I see the rest of this ‘set’ when you find this one?” He asked, out of sight. 

“I don’t think I’ll find it today…” They said with a regretful sigh. “The set will never be complete again.”

“That’s fine, I can just see the rest.” Killua said with wide unassuming eyes, leaning against the bathroom door, turning a towel over in his hands. They gave Killua a light glare.

“I think you’ll find you want to stay. Its your family after all.” They said, tilting their head as they approached Killua. A light sharp pain struck Killua in the center of his forehead, but he passed it off as pain from training and being tired. Killua gave a tired sigh.

“Then you sure took a roundabout way to say you were snooping around my room. Get out, then.” He said, stepping back into his bathroom. “I gotta clean up for dinner.” He closed the door before rolling his eyes.

Kalluto sighed, frustrated. They weren’t good enough at it yet. They had to get more training from Illumi before they could get Killua to stay with their own words. They headed out of his room in an angry huff.

After another dinner that felt more like an interrogating press conference (Although Illumi seemed more sated) Killua made a visit to Milluki’s room.

“Piggy.” Killua said from behind the door after knocking.

“What do you want?” He grumbled quietly, messing with something on his computer, typing rapidly.

“I need some help with something. Before I go.” He said coming in and looking over Milluki’s shoulder. Milluki grumbled, sounding annoyed with the fact he might have to help him with something. It looked like Milluki was quickly typing up some kind of Program, the seemingly random symbols and numbers appearing on screen systematically.

“Well, what is it?” Milluki asked nasally, pausing to turn and look at Killua in his swivel chair.

“I was serious when I said I don’t want anything to do with this mafia crap, so I need you to delete internet traces of me being tied with the White Dragons. I’m not Silva’s son, I have a clean record, and change my last name…” He listed off.

“Sounds boring.” Milluki droned, turning back around, but pulling up an internet and another window popped up with more program looking symbols spilling out, his fingers moving fast. Killua furrowed his eyebrows downward.

“Well, that just means it’ll be too easy, right? Are you doing it?” He asked. He could never make sense of this stuff.

“Yea, yea, yea. What am I changing this last name to huh? Smith? Robinson?” He asked.

“Freecs.” Killua said, trying not to give any hint of attachment to it.

“What the heck kinda last name is freak?” He asked.

“It is a random one that doesn't sound fake. F-R-E-E-C-S.” He said looking over his shoulder as he explained.

Milluki typed it up as Killua spelt it. “It sounds fake but ok. Its done. That’ll be 3000 dollars.” He said, holding up his hand.

“W-what?! You didn’t- I refuse to pay for that.” Killua huffed, putting his hands on his hips.

“What! This is a standard ID erase, its 3000 dollars!” He said back.

“Well, I didn’t know that! Just… put it on my bill, I’ll pay it back later.” Killua said.

“Yea right, you’re just gonna disappear forever after today!” he said with a scrunched up nose.

“C’mon, I can’t pay for that! C’mon, bro…” He nudged him, giving slight puppy eyes. Milluki scratched his cheeks, annoyed with Killua’s act.

“Geez, fine but I expect the money!” He said, turning away and pulling up what he was doing before.

“Alright, thanks bro!” Killua cheered and turned on his heels to leave. Then he was heading to his father’s room.

“Father.” Killua said as he knocked.

“Son.” He replied, stroking his chin, sitting on his many pillows.

“I’m taking Alluka with me now.”

“If you insist. It has been a day. And you did what your mother asked.” He gestured to a nearby butler and he headed out the room. “So, son. What do you plan to do now?” He asked, turning his attention back to Killua.

“Make Alluka happy.” He said with a small nod. “You don’t have to worry about the details.”

“I meant more like, you only wish to seek out a normal civilian life? You don’t wish to seek some higher job? Or possibly search for a wife?” He asked. Killua tried really hard not to make a face, but he probably contorted his face anyways.

“No, just a normal, under the radar life.” Killua affirmed. Silva nodded a bit.

“The position of heir will always be open to you first, but I wish you luck.” He said with a nod. Killua nodded back, actually surprised his father was allowing him to go. The door behind Killua rumbled to life, then a voice he hadn’t heard in much too long,

“Niichan?” Killua’s heart skipped a beat and he turned around much too quickly.

“Alluka…?!” Killua called, his eyes getting watery and his smile widening without his will. Alluka stood there, in a frilly kimono of her own design, all the beads and crud in her hair, and blue eyes like Killua but deeper getting watery, standing tall and nearly a woman. 

“Niichan!” She cried, running forward and throwing herself in Killua’s arms.

“Alluka! I’m so sorry I left you alone for so long… nii-chan will make it up to you, ok?” Killua said, embracing her fully before pulling back to cup her face. She shook her head, bouncing excitedly before throwing herself back in his embrace.

“That doesn’t matter as long as I’m with you! I just missed you! I missed your smell…” She hummed, burying her face further into her brother, gripping the back of his shirt like he might disappear. Killua hugged back just as hard.

“Mh… do you have any anything you want from here?”

“No, nothing.” She hummed, looking up at him with teary eyes.

“Ok, we’re outta here.” He said. He didn’t need anything from here, not even what he brought with him. All he needed was Alluka. He turned to his father.

“Thanks father. I’ll take my leave now.” He nodded.

“Goodbye, son. I’ll see you.” He said with an incline of his head. Alluka gasped happily.

“We’re leaving! Wow, we’re really leaving!” She cheered, kicking her feet as she excitedly ran for the door. It’s been so long since she’d been outside. And she’s leaving with her big brother! Even if it's just for a day, and she’s back to being locked away, she’s going to milk this!

“Hey wait up!” Killua laughed, following her. He took her hand then led the way.

***


	27. Lucky

Chapter 27

_ They don't know how long it takes, Waiting for a love like this-- Every time we say goodbye, I wish we had one more kiss. I'll wait for you, I promise you, I will...  _ (Lucky -Jason Mraz)

“This is Alluka!” Killua presented his little sister like she was the most precious and prideful thing in his life. She, in turn, beamed like 1000 watts-- Her eyes closed with her smile, her eyes bending the way Killua’s does. Not to mention she has his eyes.

Gon smiled pleasantly at her.

“Hi Alluka! I’m Gon! Gon Feeccs!” He said and went to shake hands. She went in for a hug instead and squeezed him tight. Gon laughed lightly, and wrapped his arms around her too, surprised but happy.

“Hi Gon! I’m so happy to meet you! You’ve been taking care of my big brother!” She hummed.

“That’s right, and thanks to my dad, I don’t have to worry about my family for a bit. And I hope you don’t mind, but I changed my last name to Freecs…” Killua admitted a bit shyly. Gon smiled brightly.

“I don’t mind, Killua! It’s great you don’t have to worry about that stuff much...” He said as Alluka sat up away from Gon.

“Oh, I’m really sorry if I’m imposing...” She said with a polite bow. Gon waved his hands.

“It’s really no problem, really!” Gon assured. “We have plenty of room here…” Gon said, trailing a bit.

“Ya, don’t even worry about it, I’ll take care of you.” Killua said ruffling her hair with care free attitude. “Thanks again, though, Gon.” He smiled.

“Of course. I’m just happy you guys were able to be reunited! Could we talk, Killua?” He asked with a slight head tilt.

“Of course.” Killua said, moving around Alluka. “You can settle right in there.” Killua said, pointing to Gon’s room.

“Ok, nii!” She said and skipped inside, cooing at how nice it was.

“What’s up, Gon?” Killua asked. Then his eyes widened, “Oh, Gon, is it actually not ok that I brought Alluka here? Ah, I’m sorry to bother-...” Killua started.

“No, no no, Killua! Don’t be silly, I’m happy to have her!” He assured, taking Killua’s hand. “I just wanted to ask, if I could know why she was stuck at home in the first place? Couldn’t she leave like you?” He asked with furrowed brows.

“No, she’s 18, but they wouldn’t want her out. She’s… it’s… dangerous. If people knew she was a Zoldyck. So I’m going to change her name too.” Killua said.

“Why?” Gon asked, trying not to seem too pushy, but maybe Killua would explain it to him.

“Um…” Killua huffed, debating again for the umptenth time if he should say. “Let’s just say some people don’t like my family.” Killua said, moving to the kitchen.

“Is it something like… corporate?” Gon asked with a shrug, trying to narrow anything about Killua down.

“Something. Let’s drop it, ok? Alluka’s here and safe. And I need to talk to Kurapika.” Killua huffed. Gon dropped his head but nodded.

“Ok, It’s dropped.” He sighed. He had to be patient for Killua’s sake.

\---


	28. Plot Twist

Chapter 28

_Plot twist, I never thought it would end up like this, I always thought it would only be one kiss-- One became a hundred, Oh, all of a sudden, I'm saying, "I love you."_

“Hey, uh…” Gon called out from his position on the couch, one leg crossed over his other, nervously tapping a pencil against his foot. “Killua?”

“Yes, baby?” Killua asked, cutting up a sandwich for Alluka in the kitchen.

“Mm… do you feel like coming home with me?” He asked looking over at him from the notes in his hand.

“H… home?” Killua asked with a tilt of his head. “I… what?” He asked, putting a hand on his hip.

“Uh, well, I wanted to fly home -- to whale island. And I wanted to know if you wanted to come? And meet my aunt Mito? And see my hometown,... and stuff.” Gon finished somewhat lamely. Killua’s face lit up with realization.

“Oh! Home- no, of course Gon! I’d love to! Yea, that sounds great.” Killua smiled genuinely, before going back to cutting the sandwich. Gon beamed at him, pulling his laptop onto his lap.

“Ok! That’s great!” He said, excitedly clicking things. “When do you want to go?” he asked.

“Mh… we can go next weekend?” Killua questioned. He didn’t mind if it was sooner rather than later. He was excited to see Gon’s childhood home.

“Ok! I’ll call off work.” He said, his tongue sticking out as he focused. Killua chuckled a bit, “Me too.” He picked up the plates with the sandwiches and dropped one off by Gon. “I’ll tell Alluka to pack.”

 _Plot twist, everything's happening so quick. I only wanted a taste of your lips, Lips became your body, nights turning to naughty… You hit me with a plot twist._ (Plot Twist - Marc Bassy)


	29. Plot Twist II

Chapter 29

_ Don't know what it was, don't know what it was, Baby, turn me up, baby, turn me up. It was only one night, I was in and out… How the fuck I fall in love? How I fall in love? _

Gon took in the smell of the ocean as the spray floated over his face. He missed this, he couldn’t deny. It wasn’t exactly in a high competition with the smoggy smell of the city.  He turned to look at the two siblings behind him on the dock.

“Ah, it’s hot…” Killua puffed, taking off his snap back to fan himself with it. And the humidity was crazy! But as he took in the beautiful scenery, it was easier to forget that. “Wah, its gorgeous!” He said, looking around.

“Right? It’s so green! There’s so many colors!” Alluka half panted, her hair slick to her forehead. She pulled Killua to the railing. “If we stand close to the water we might get wet.” She said.

“Hah, and you want to?” He laughed, happy to see her so excited.

“Yes! Its crazy hot!” She said, lowering her face to the ocean. Gon laughed. 

“Sorry guys, I should have warned you how hot it was. But hopefully it doesn’t ruin your trip. Especially since we’re coming in summer…” Gon muttered, rubbing at his sweat.

“Don’t even worry about it.” Killua chuckled, wiping his own. “We’ll enjoy it because you’ll be here. We just have to get used to it, y’know?” He said, bending to get his fingers wet and wiping at Alluka’s forehead. She leaned into his hand thankfully.  Gon smiled happily at the two. Hopefully if this trip goes well, everything in Gon’s life will officially be perfect.

\---

“Mito!” Gon called as they finished the steep trek up to his house on a tall hill. Alluka opted to climb on Killua’s back halfway through, and the two siblings laughed as they stumbled towards the house together on Killua’s tired legs.

Mito, who was cleaning dishes heard a voice she didn’t think she’d hear for the longest time. Maybe only once she was dead she’d hear it. She quickly ran to the door and could barely hold back her tears of happiness to see her Gon, all grown up. She ran to meet him halfway to the house and threw her body onto Gon, toppling them both. Gon let out a shout of surprise as they fell on the rolling green hills.

“Oh Gon, I’m so happy to see you! Welcome home.” She said tearfully. Gon smiled bashfully.

“Thank you, Mito.” He smiled. “Mito, meet Killua and his sister!” Gon said as they stood again and the two siblings approached them on tired legs.

“Oh, hello! You two must be very tired, come inside!”

\---

Mito placed three strawberry lemonades in front of Gon and the Zoldycks with a matronly smile.

“Thanks Mito…” Gon hummed, taking a sip.

“Ya, thanks!’ Killua repeated taking generous gulps. “This is a nice place you got here… really high up on the island.” He chuckled.

“Yea… with no marked roads.” Alluka added around her mouthfuls of juice.

“Ah, yes, it’s just I’ve always preferred the open space of being in the forest, I couldn’t see me living in town near the pier.” Mito said sitting down.

“It’s a long walk, but it gets you strong legs!” Gon said with a hum.

“I bet…” Killua hummed, peeking over at his sister and almost snorted into his juice just remembering having to try to carry her up here. “Anyways, where can we clean up?”

“We have the bathroom upstairs--”

“We should go in the lake!” Gon cheered, standing up.

“Yea!” Alluka agreed, jumping up as well. Killua chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets. “Alright.” He agreed.

“Now, hold on, Gon, I want to talk to you. You two can go ahead and get ready, Gon’s room is the one on the right, you can’t miss it.” Mito directed as Gon deflated from his excitement.

“Yes ma’am.” Killua snickered at Gon getting in trouble, herding Alluka to Gon’s room.

“Good luck, Gon!” Alluka called over his shoulder.

“Thanks…” He muttered as he sat at the table. Mito smiled down at her child, her heart happy to see he was still healthy, and had grown so well. She took a moment to look over his features, then sat at the table too.

“So, You’ve come home… I know you told me never to expect you, not for a while… so how are you? What have you come home for?” She asked with practiced patience. Gon bit his lip excitedly before letting his a full blown smile break on his face.

“I’m gonna propose to Killua!”

_ Yeah, she got inside, She built a brand new house in my mind. And damn, she already close with my moms, I couldn't even kick her out if I tried…  _ (Plot Twist - Marc Bassy)


	30. Firefly

Chapter 30

_ Just say You'll be my firefly. Take everything or nothing at all. Just say "yes," Just say "yes," Just say, "I'd rather have everything than nothing at all."  _ ( Firefly- mura mura)

The whole week was perfect, going exactly the way Gon imagined. Gon showed Killua and Alluka all of his old favorite spots to explore from when he was younger like the cliffs and the cove by the beach. They played in the forests surrounding his house, teaching Killua how to climb a tree and showing them exotic flowers and plants which Alluka was very interested in. They ventured into town often enough that by the end of the week everyone were familiar with the two siblings. When they finished playing around the mountain, they would swim in the lake. Every day would end with the three of them piled in a heap in his bed upstairs.

Gon started to notice that Alluka had taken a very strong liking to her surroundings. She was always asking Gon what this plant was or what animal that was, and even brought some home to Mito when Gon wasn’t familiar with it. Alluka even went to the library one day to check out a book on the plants around Whale Island so she could identify these things easier. She was liking it there more than Gon thought she would, and he was happy she was giving this place a chance. She very easily gets sick though. Mito took care of her during those bouts of sickness. It also seemed Mito took a liking to Alluka, Gon noticed.

So in the past couple of days, Killua and Gon were mainly on their own. Gon had to admit, they were staying there a bit longer then they meant to, but everytime Alluka squealed cause she found some new plant she saw in her book, or when Killua looked out over the cliffs in awe at the beautiful sunsets here on the island, Gon found another way they could stay another day.

His job didn’t agree much with that plan. He chewed on his lip nervously as he got off the phone with his boss. Some help  _ they _ were! With how many hours he put in the last couple of months,  _ he _ should own the place. But two weeks of being missing isn't exactly excusable, even Gon knew that. He’ll bring it up to Killua later, if he did now, he’d be worried for no reason.

“Killua! I’m going into town real quick, do you want anything?” Gon asked, stuffing his wallet into his pants.

“Chocolate…” came Killua's reply, as he lounged on the couch to remain cool in the heat.

“Ok! Hey listen, pack a overnight bag! I want to take you camping when I come back!” Gon chirped, headed for the door.

“Camping? Cool, ok.” Killua said as he got up. He knew the nights here were cooler, almost freezing, so he’ll pack up appropriately.

“Cool great, I’ll be back in like an hour!” He said, zooming out the door.

“Oh, then I’m going out later to look for nocturnal animals, nii!” Alluka called from somewhere.

“You’re coming with us?” Killua asked, calling into the vague of the small house.

“No, just later, since you won’t be in for me to ask then!” She called back.

“Mhhh…” Killua hummed in thought. He supposed he shouldn’t be too worried, she seems to know whale island way more than him at this point. “Ok.”

“Thanks!”

Later when Gon came back (and after giving Killua his chocolate), they went out, found a good clearing overseeing the waters, and explored the area. They climbed trees, fished and started a fire to eat their catch. Gon was so happy Killua was open to all of these experiences. He was so happy to have Killua.

That night, the sky was so full of stars. It reflected on the shimmering waters in front of them beautifully. Gon smiled softly up at the sky. He had to be honest, he missed this view. Though he wouldn't trade it for all he’s experienced in the city for the past 8 years.

“Killua, isn’t it so pretty? It's like the sky is made of diamonds.”

“Yea… you can never see this many stars in the city…” Killua hummed, absolutely breath-taken. The stars reflected in his eyes, making it look like the stars were in his eyes. Gon found himself staring at this amazing beauty, rather than that in the stars.

“You’re more beautiful than those stars, to me. You’re my star, Killua… my dream.” He said, a soft smile on his lips. Killua looked over to Gon with a stuttering breath and his face burned red when he saw the all-loving look in his eyes.

“G-Gon! Why are you always this embarrassing!” Killua exclaimed, covering his face and bringing his knees closer to his chest. “Ahh… this is what I signed up for when I decided to go for it in the bar 2 years ago…” He scratched through his hair. Gon seemed to beam brighter at Killua.

“I’m really glad you did! These past few years… it’s been an absolute dream! And I know I’m pretty hard to deal with, a lot of the time, but I want to keep living this dream with you. If you want, we’ll stick together, just me and you. I want to be with you forever…” Gon finished, with a small smile and fished a ring out of his pocket, holding it up to Killua for it to twinkle in the fire light. “I wanna marry you, Killua.” He hummed, looking up at him hopefully.

Killua saw the ring and tried his best to continue to process what Gon was saying while also determining what that ring was- meant- if it was real. When Gon said those words, Killua felt like he couldn’t breath. He looked up at Gon with wide misty eyes, a million thoughts running through his head at once, and a hundred more emotions flashing across his face. He was also confused when Gon lit up suddenly.

“Really?” Gon asked. That was when Killua realized he already answered him without even noticing. But then he refocused back on the situation.

“Yes…” He breathed and the sound tingled his lips before it spread to his whole body. “Yes, Gon, yes!” He cried, his voice rising in pitches as he lunged forward and tackled him in a hug. He let out laughter as he felt tears spilling out the side of his eyes. ”Yes, Gon! I love you so much, of course I’ll marry you!” He cried before pulling back just enough to pepper Gon’s face in kisses then planting one on his lips. 

Gon was surprised by Killua’s blatant display of affection but he couldn't care much about that, Killua said  _ yes _ ! 

“Killua..!” Gon hummed happily. He was so happy that he felt his chest might explode. Killua made him the happiest he could be and there was no other way he’d want it. Through thick and thin, Gon wanted every part of Killua. His every tick, and flaw. His grumpy days and on his lazy days. Gon wanted to be with Killua forever and ever. He’d never let him go, and felt himself squeeze tighter.

***


	31. Good For Each Other

Chapter 31

_ We Are Good For Each Other, (But That Aint All I Gotta Say Baby), We Were Meant To Be Together, (But We Were Meant To Be Together Baby), We Are Good For Each Other. (So Just Listen When I Tell You, Cuz I Will Never Steer You Wrong), We Were Meant To Be Together. - _ Good for each other- J. Holiday

“What? You… what?” Killua asked again in slight disbelief.

“Yea… I kinda lost my job. I haven’t lost the apartment yet! But, I’m gonna need a new job…” Gon explained sheepishly. Killua rubbed his face at the news.

“Gon…. you… you lost your job because you stayed here longer than you were suppose to? Why didn’t you just go back?” Killua asked, eyes flashing at Gon. Gon froze a bit at the look before letting out a carefree laugh.

“Because you and Alluka liked it here so much… I didn’t want to go back too soon…” He said and rubbed the back of his head, sticking his tongue out the way he does when he’s being careless.

“But you could have went ahead of us…” Killua hummed. “So now you have no job, but you plan on marrying me? When exactly, Gon?” Killua asked, crossing his arm. Gon looked up, innocently thinking.

“I… actually don’t have the money to marry you right now… I just got the money to buy that ring! But I promise you, I am going to! I’ll get a new job and pick up plenty of shifts, and before we know it, we’ll have the money!” Gon said, like it was  _ that _ simple. Killua squinted at the idiot.

“Do you know how hard it is to get a job that pays well?” Killua said, as if he was an expert. “And now we don’t have money to pay for the apartment. We could have used my saved money but I already used it for our car…” Killua rubbed a hand through his hair. His ring got caught in his curls and he winced as he pulled it out and looked at the ring. His eyes softened again into liquid pools and he pouted.

“I guess we’ll work it out… it has to.” Killua smiled. Gon smiled brightly.

“That’s right! And we’ll work it out together.” Gon said, stepping forward and taking his partner’s  hands. He brought them to his lips and gave it light kisses.

“We’ll work it out together.” Killua said, blushing at the gentle affection. “… I think the first thing we should do is talk to the parents.” Killua chuckled.

“Kurapika is gonna be so mad… Leorio’s gonna yell.” Gon added with a chuckle, already seeing it. It was just like something Gon would do, so he knew how they would react.

“But, Since I’ve already proposed to you, we can head back now! We need to let Alluka know she needs to pack, then we can leave like… tomorrow. There’s almost always a boat going out. Hopefully there’s a plane going out too.” Gon said, pulling back to head upstairs.

“Right.” He said, taking out his phone to text Alluka.

\---

 


	32. Ordinary World

Chapter 32

“You’re WHAT?!” Killua cried.

“I wanna stay here.” Alluka said.

“But.. but…” Killua stammered. Why would she want to stay? Why would she do that to him, he just got her back, doesn’t she want to stay with him?

“The greenhouse here offered me a job to study and document the plant and wildlife here, and I couldn’t refuse. It sounds amazing and you know this is an amazing opportunity. I finally found something I love and want to do, you understand, right brother? You’d want me to be happy…” She hummed, taking his hand and nuzzling her nose to his cheek. He pouted, but nuzzled back.

“I… do. I mean, you are old enough to make your choices… and you should have a job… I just wish it was closer. And where are you going to stay?”

“Here with Mito! Me and her really clicked, We talk all the time and I already think of her as my mom.” She said with a gentle smile. And after that Killua knew he couldn’t ask her to come back with him. If she found someone that finally made her feel like she had a parent, there was no way he’d take her away from them.

“Ok, baby girl… you promise you’ll be ok? Call every day, alright? I’ll send you clothes and money and whatever else you need, ok?” He said in a steady stream with hardly a break in between, making Alluka giggle at how worried Killua was for her. She knew he just wanted her safe and happy. She was thankful to her precious big brother for all of this.

“Of course, brother. Thanks so much! I’m so excited, I start next week.” Alluka squealed, bouncing in place.

She had the brightest smile and Killua guessed that’s all he’s wanted for her. To live the rest of her life smiling. And with her way out in the ocean and under the radar, the Mafia business will never mix with her life again. She’s completely safe, like in some witness protection program. Whale Island was the safest place for her.

“Ok… I wish I could see you work.” Killua hummed sentimentally, brushing back a strand of black hair behind his little sister’s ear.

“You practically did already!” Alluka said. “I’ll be doing a lot of going around with the book to see if it’s recognizable-- and if it's not, I log it! I’ll have plants named after me!” She squealed. Killua patted her head as he listened attentively. She continued to explain her job, the details and the excitement of it all keeping a big smile on her face. Killua smiled lovingly at her. He couldn’t be prouder.

“That's my girl.”

 _But I won't cry for yesterday, There's an ordinary world Somehow I have to find And as I try to make my way To the ordinary world-- I will learn to survive._ (Ordinary World - Duran Duran)

!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TwilaStar: I hope you all enjoyed reading this mess of a story for the first part of our Going Down Swinging series. The next part will hopefully come up soon! It moves off of being about their one night stand and more into Mafia business, albeit lightly. It's more about their love for each other and trying to make ends meet!  
> Next series: Stickwitchu


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